I want to grow up I want to grow up I want to grow up. I really like the guy in this song the voice and the story he is evoking. But I cannot help but wonder… Is this the man of the future? I hope not. It would wrong. A world of lies. I look at myself and I see this body. I’m not allowed to see too far away from my own programming. And }you don’t like this photo{ yet I am like this for a reason. I like myself, despite all my

}notifications{ imperfections.

I don’t think I‘m alive in order to prove others the ways to take to constantly better yourself like in the story with the coal and the diamond. I see their eyes – red – hiding behind darkness. I don’t want them to see me. We are not alike.

The guy in this song sounds like a dream. I wish he was more like a guy I could touch. Not the specific one in this song, but the guy that I want to be with. To be similar to me in a way constitutionally, I mean how we are constructed. To be able to touch and put this flesh to good use. Otherwise why do I have flesh for? If it’s just an illusion how can I see past it? I wish I had a partner in crime where crime means giggling every night underneath the blanket.

~ even if I had such a guy in my life.. like a long distance relationship or whatever, somebody to call my boyfriend, [good company] etc. I still wouldn’t do things like I do them now. I would know exactly what to do.

That’s why I keep whining about the toll this past year took on me. All this masturbation, the wrong things, the intruders… I don’t know for who I’m doing it or why but it didn’t help anyone, I feel this 100%.

Ishkira Wind WHAT? I have to masturbate AGAIN??? ΒΏ? πŸ‘€πŸ˜­
Latest orgasm video: https://youtu.be/Gr90HTnV5r8
Ishkira Wind So I really can’t trust anybody in this life for real.
β€’
}Everyday buses{ lol. Every day
}de4 asses{ passes in vain. Everything I do is in vain. Only evil is preferred. I’m not in competition with anyone I don’t want to convince anyone of anything I just want to be myself I want to be free to be myself. I don’t want to hide anymore I don’t want to masturbate anymore I don’t want to think about all those things anymore. No progress no progress no progress there is just too much pain. So much lack of truth and understandment.

The pain is too big and I can’t express it in words. What happened only in this past year I can’t find the right word for it but it’s a crime against everything that I stand for. A mockery of everything that I consider as value. Stop twisting my words my intent is only one. I don’t know what to do anymore it hurts too bad.



ishkirawind : It’s not that I’m not understanding with you all, but I can smell the bs from afar. β€’ ishkirawind : And this has gone too far. β€’ ishkirawind : I’m just trying to have a good time, and wish for you the same. I doubt feeding egregores is how ANYONE can have a good time. β™₯

More ‘stuff” from my latelies :   https://photos.app.goo.gl/zdM7cwuAF2JVZZi28

BREAKING: ~~~ waves of …? ~~~

Caption? }Add caption{

So, somebody told me (Psychicly?) ~ remove Orgasm, remove Anal, remove 5AA (see thingie in one of my recent streams, here: https://youtu.be/BGkhNQkIliI). ~ Not sure what he/she/they meant though, as all these things have different meanings for all of us apparently, even if for me they mainly mean only one thing. And I’m also not into #Politics. 

Latest Orgasm Video hEre: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4emj61K08S4 ~ lol 
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Am uploadat videoclipurile cu ce am streamuit (Pe Twitch, Prin aplicatia Streamlabs de pe tel πŸ˜‰ ) 
Sincer, as putea foarte usor sa pun LALALALALA
cand pun un link dar am intampinat (LOL – a intampina is like ‘to greet’ in ROmanian) niste ciudatenii in ultima vreme si incerc pe cat posibil sa vorbesc inteligibil online…
Ok… Trebuie sa le studiez si eu mai aprofundat deoarece ultima astfel de ‘sesiune’ de streamuit si clipuit… S-a lasat cu niste revelatii ciudate pentru mine… Legate de 4D, electircitate, viteza, medii de procesare, etc. [ aici link: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL5b6q2JRlw28l_YmWeyA3E8zV_bwnnclp ] β€’β€’β€’ LOL – Legate = related ~ Tied to…& MORE. WTF. Cand ma uit pe YouTube cu Speed la 0.25, se aude cumva, dar nu cum ar fi trebuie sa se auda. Nu stiu cum sa explic. E din cauza internetului / pentru ca – din cauza ca (k) Stream ;). Ceva de genul. (Gen ~ ha!! so genul = ‘something like this’ in Romanian. also, Gender ). Particularitas!

Linguistix!

 Voi scrie mai pe larg dupa ce ma uit si la cele de ieri.
Pana una alta, asta e lumea in care traiesc: 
Somebody thinks it’s a tab.
mmm
 (Please don’t misinterpret here, look it up for yourselves, what’s written on the pack of pads ~ )
Yes. This is the world I live in. Do you have any idea how much it hurts? DODODODODOD
β€’
+ altceva ~ 
 A #bugs #life :
β€’
β€’
More from the world I live in ~ 
etc.
“FUnny” NOTFUN on a daily basis. (Basis ~ lol ~  Chemistry class anyone?)
We got class in here πŸ˜‰ πŸ˜
HA!
Thanks for letting me know, emojipedia dot org.
“Appearance differs greatly cross-platform. Use with caution”
β€’
β€’
β€’
Free market? Stop putting ads in my head.
lalalalalalalalalalala
Some Conclusions from last podcast:
Thanks for participating in this blog πŸ™‚
xoxo

Damsel in distress?

Hello.

My latest vidz:

https://youtu.be/V4RiYwBTOCs -> Last Orgasm Video πŸ˜› 
https://youtu.be/y8GLBgY67_U -> Twitch recording
https://youtu.be/xAFfkJNvsL4 -> Live stream recording from YT
~~~
Remember?
and
I was a bit sad there too, TRIGGERable as well, though the triggers varied, depends…on the Experiments…Right? But that smile? Priceless (at least for me)
~~~
For a client: I like you, but… If you need me to imagine something you like, so you ”feel” something, do you really Know Yourself ? I can show you something you like… And you can imagine whatever you like with what I show you, no? If I have to imagine that (that something ~ btw ~ because of all the miscommunications ~ I might not even know for sure what it means for you) , despite repeatedly telling you that I don’t like it… It hurts me! It hurts you too. Because it keeps you stuck in a lie of sorts… I can perfectly like SHOWING you something (cam footage / chatting / talking / ROLEPLAYING β™₯) , for example: my feet moving around, me caressing different parts of my body, etc. You can imagine whatever you like when you look at me… But… No… You want me to imagine something YOU like, in order to feel that we’re communicating? Do you want me to lie to you? Stop. Right. There. That’s very WRONG. Hints why you’re sick. I’m not sick. But I am not allowed to live either. 
Ever since I had the epiphany that some guys think MY ASS is MY FACE, I don’t know what to believe anymore when it comes to my clients & their real personalities, fantasies, etc. When I was a chathost on CamContacts dot com (BTW totally unjustified ban there and cockblocked too~), Members(clients) seemed different there, on that website. Not necessarily smarter, but we could communicate easier.. I don’t know why. I LOVED that site, I am extremely sad I got banned, I had on one profile photo archive from 2008 onward – my pics, my memories…All taken away :-< 
I’m #Live right now on ImLive, here: https://imlive.com/live-sex-chat/cam-girls/ishkirawind/  
Sometimes I’m in FLC (Free Video Chat) as well, ~ If you’d like to see me and I don’t have FLC open, ask nicely and I’ll see what I can do about it πŸ˜‰ ~
I have set the lowest possible price as Private rate… If you’d like to tell me or ask me anything, send me a message ~ If you’d like me to do something for you, or talk about anything, really, let me know β™₯ If I say No to something, maybe you’d like to know why, before jumping to conclusions. I’m sure you don’t want me to… Jump to conclusions when it comes to you either πŸ˜‰
There are some of my old pictures in my Picture Gallery on ImLive, I have this profile too since 2008. So you can giggle when you look at some of them β€’β€’β€’
I’m not like the other girls… Spend some time with me there and you’ll see why πŸ˜‰ If you don’t know already… And if you know, spend some more time with me if you enjoy chatting with me (& roleplaying. & whatever you enjoy doing with me). I’m still frightened because some of you think that chatting / talking. Is abusively activating certain triggers in my head using God-knows-what technology you have (???) NO. That is NOT talking. 
That is ABUSING me. That is not allowing me to be myself. If you don’t know how to reach me in ways that I consider to be normal (normal:reasonable:functional) ~ why do you want to reach me in the first place? 
An example: I’m embarrassed to share this with you, but here goes. I don’t know who has the remote control for my senses, but, sometimes, some guys (?) mess up with my senses. I was sitting on my chair and got a whiff of my own smell from “down there” (very amplified in my head ~ it’s not like this!!!) ~ One guy thought that THAT MEANS I’M SMILING! I don’t know what signals I was putting out (For me it was like this ~ WTF? How is this possible? This is not normal. I’m embarrassed. There are weirdos MISINTERPRETING ME RIGHT NOW.)
+ + [One day, Same water from my glass had 3 different tastes ~ How can I be myself after you showed me this???]

There clearly has to be a miscommunication somewhere, honestly. Somebody lied to you, well, I don’t want to lie to you. But I don’t want to continue living in this lie either. Hurts too much… We’re making no progress whatsoever.. Quite the contrary… Can you read my eyes? 

~~~

Thanks for reading! Mwah :*