iwishiwasdelusionalthatwouldmakemoresense

05.09.20 (5:25 p.m.) Writing… I have nothing to say… Imi este scarba… “Surprised I’m still allowed to have a face” ~ Only to be used though. I don’t want to let them see. I don’t want to let them see. I don’t want to let them see. I’m ashamed to say, but everything I do is still (in vain) nothing more but a waste of time. I hardly ever think my thoughts (Protection) and Action ~ Nonaction ~ Reaction isms only seem to “work around the clock” ~ for the Benders. Piles of keywords and lies… Going strong… getting lost… Morphing faces… No friend… Used in memories, as they happened… Why do I write all this? I don’t know. The things I’d rather write about… My own thoughts lanes and landscapes… Hidden… Protection (song & lyrics). Fasting day today… Null encouragements, no offence. Petrified 2 what “they” (planned 2?) show me through my senses. How disgusting. I don’t wanna be here… Not like this. Murmured hiss… Life hurts without a heartfelt kiss… Fleur de lis was not meant 2 be drawn in blood.

I would like to know…

^ 2 orgasms, achieved in the same way.

Please read: http://www.goddessazra.com/2020/08/wrong/ but if you follow me around you probably know by now my stance on all these matters. (Masturbation / Orgasming)

and another video:

Another orgasm, achieved in the same way ~

I would like to know why I have to do this again and again, I feel I harm myself (abuse my own mind) in the process of having to apply same ol’ BAD programming. Add the piles of other abuse constantly sent my way and make the calculations for yourself. ~ I am still a coherent being after all this, even if we might understand different things from these words. I proved myself over and over again and this is BAD, because it’s just feeding a very Toxic mechanism. I did it to help others see & hopefully (be allowed to) heal myself, but it’s constantly getting worse and worse. I AM unbreakable (the noise in my head is not mine!), and nothing in this world can take that away from me. Even if I have no real choice… Do you know how much all this hurts? All the pretty places you’ve seen ‘through’ my eyes, or read ‘on’ my <body>… Stay there forever ~ I hear a ghost singing ~ I think we have much more to ‘visit’, discover, understand, explore, rejoyce in, than these refurbishments of Past programming. I say this again, I do not like/enjoy having orgasms.

Take care!

Un avertisment ~

Nu stiu de ce am simtit sa pun acel titlu, insa da…

21.08. Ce bataie de joc…No offense (ca deja a inceput sa ma doara capul) dar… Nu. [Vis-a-vis de toata situatia curenta cu “my family”] NO NO NO NO NO.

– So… The Sun and the Moon are like… Accounts?

– No, they are veggies.

(?) Lol

IT happens through Control. ( about how they’ve/are been able to read parameters (physiological) from a distance.

->Reconfigurare past future {Poor Time, *sigh*}Β 

Wrote about this in the previous article as well ~


(Spiritual?) [No] Transhuman ~ first heard hints abt this from Albert Ignatenko (Sa fi un fenomen, sau ceva de genul) -_- Bad teachings that look (illusion!) good.

Pretty lights {Tell me lies,tell me sweet little lies)

22. I just don’t want to masturbate anymore. Every “session” traumatizes me.

Layers of trauma. NOT a Staircase, Hippies!

I haven’t been wrong… Once… Since starting this “journey”. MLT ~ Multiple level trickery. How disturbingly and disgustingly SAD. “L e a r n” ~ Ha ~

What a joke.


Heard some guys trying to imply that they don’t have enough “data” yet (through / for analysis). That’s Wrong & who taught them so is wrong as well.

– NOT ENOUGH DATA MY ASS –

Data



18.08.



69 kg & 95-72-100


Mai devreme am fost afara { un pic si unde nu planuisem sa ma duc } si <<Tacerea>> (Luna Amara)… Nu am auzit-o pana acum asa niciodata. O experienta f. ciudata de experimentat (to experience). Imi amintesc de ce simteam acum ani… Despre Hong Kong – O combinatie unica de vechi si nou β™₯ Acum si in Bucuresti – “O combinatie unica de vechi si nou” – doar ca vechiul e: Abandonat, nu “vechi natural” si noul urla… E… Altfel (Tiitii – sunet de claxon afon ~ claxofon)


What do you do when the outside world feels like a stranger, but it used to be you friend?



19.08.



Hello, Time. This time, I have a bone to pick with you .🧑 Looking at the screen of my phone earlier, was reading something, white text, black background. Light coming from screen was not continual, as it appears regularly. But I saw it gently flashing, over and over and over again… “Making up” what I was seeing. At this point, I don’t even know if it’s worth knowing if that happens because of the tech in the phone or the tech in (of) my eyes…No.



20.08.



Agitatie invizibila dar perceptibila… Many annoyances. Not complaining ~ half baffled though.

*Disclaimer: Maya ~ Illusion*

Dupa ce m-am masturbat am vazut cum ca, multe din kkturile din ziua de azi sunt din cauza unui arc care nu se misca nici, nici. Adica nici macar nu e un arc. Doar arata ca un arc.

The little ones sa fie “facuti” sa se reconfigureze ca sa faca un arc adevarat [functional in context]. 

I had to slap myself hard to show what I think. 

~ The bent corner clues, πŸ’• THX! {I talked about this in the past about some stuff that are in the Bible too} “The ones who can understand” (Neemia 8-2,3 ~ etc.). Multa mitologie multe minciuni scripturi prost platite si scrum.

Aveam o vorba prin 2005 sau 6.. Dream awakened, Dream aware ~ Mai conteaza ca imi amintesc anul? Stii cat de tare doare cand cineva te priveste in ‘ochi’, te trage de ‘urechi’ si presupune ca iti amintesti chestii asa, DIN CUR?! [No.] ~ Ok, then, why are you even still talking with me (Suppa Soldier guy~) and who the fuck gave you the Power to live so Blindly, hurting others and impeccably being abolished of ‘fault’? By design, Wrong. (Made with purpose [By who? How?] ~ “We will not fail our mission” & other such creeps to Watch over).  !WAKE UP! You’re having a very, very, very bad dream. I am sensing the touch of your ‘fingertips’ as I typed those things here, and I do not like it one bit. It’s not that it isn’t fair like this, but it only leads to deadends, I do not wish to participate, I do not consent with what “the settings guys” are doing most of the time ~ Regardless of everything.  And It hurts me to sense that in the ways that I do. I wish I wouldn’t know anything about you & vice-versa, not even in the mess that we’re stuck together. Masturbating thinking about DOGS? (ANIMAL PORN IN MY HEAD) ~ Do you have any idea what that does to ‘Psyche’ in a world (My world) where I do not see life as a game, I can’t swallow more excuses with Waiting, etc. There’s no progress! Every day goes by, just more shit everywhere.

~ Cand socoteala de Acasa nu se potriveste cu cea din targ. [Storefronts] ~

What’s what’s real?

Uhhh? I don’t care that you ‘liked it’. Over and over and over again. IT’S SICK! IT’S WRONG.  No one has bested me yet despite all that happened in this past year (summer 2019++). Yet I still can’t have a life. (for what that really means – I’m not allowed to see key elements because apparently that would be ‘Too Good’ and some peeps not allowed to see that as .:True:. *sigh* & *facepalm*).

FB live de ieri:

https://www.facebook.com/ishkira/videos/10217984228262400/

si

https://www.facebook.com/ishkira/videos/10217984597991643/




More from my FB stuff ~ 

My profile: https://www.facebook.com/ishkira

Group I made: https://www.facebook.com/groups/ishkira/

19 August at 03:05  

Time, why can’t I joke with You? I wanted to say: Oh Fuck, it’s 3 am already, how Efficient of you. (biiiiiiiiiiiiiig ‘E’)
~ but something crushed me that that might sound disrespectful. Well. I heard you like it anyway (what I said, not your super efficiency) πŸ˜€
TO SEE YOU LIKE I SEE AN OS? But HOW?
Os – bone, and to bone, you probably know what that means. I only know what I heard.

19 August at 02:12 Β· 

Azi am experimentat (I experienced, not I experimented!) manipularea selectiva a simtului: vaz. Sau nu stiu ce a fost {Maya – Illusion ~ mysteries}. In pofida tuturor kkturilor, this shit doesn’t prove any #progress from the Baddies ~ I know I am Unbreakable, so. This is just, a silly play, Unnatural and, dare I speak about health? No, ofc. I didn’t exercise yet since I woke up last time. But hey, I’m gonna exercise, and yes, imho tthe madness to these ‘methods’ of what happened lately is profoundly Unhealthy. *signal sent*.

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More from my fb:

19 August at 02:02 Β· 

#transhumanism SI IN ASTROLOGIE? < HELOOOOO > ~ < Hell ; 0 >

Cu alte cuvinte, chestia asta ma sperie, nu avatarul, nu idul, nu numele, nu ce mi-am imaginat despre el, nu talentul oratoric despre dansul {dance, not sir} planetelor πŸŒ  (Pe Valeriu PΔƒnoiu il stiu de la TV, am admirat mereu modul lui de a vorbi in context), nu textul, doar ca… Eu vad portocaliul… Altfel… “Lumina e plictisitoare”, zicea Valeriu candva (dupa dictare, hooo, nu dau vina pe el!), ei… Cu tot ce s-a furat de la mine s-a ajuns ‘aici’, asa ca… No fucking comment. Nu.

Acestea fiind spuse, tocmai ce am aplicat la un job de…. Vanator de parcari! πŸ‡·πŸ‡΄ πŸ˜€ na link: https://www.ejobs.ro/…/v%C3%A2n%C4%83tor-de-parc%C4…/1320811 ; sau pentru cei cu ‘dureri de cap’: https://tinyurl.com/y638nz4z . Nu, nu insinuez nimic, era doar un puf de Paranoia. (limba si linkurile) :-<

18 August at 04:40 Β· 

[About the ‘hot’ pain ~] When the things happen like in the past few hours, it doesn’t annoy me / it HURTS me!
β€’
{Hearing the 1 line trigger in my head might be annoying / embarrassing – especially when I hear those words in my EXs voice haha *facepalm* / I find it stupid / such mechanism should NEVER be implemented and or used on ANYONE not even as punishment for ANYTHING} NO!
β€’

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This, representation of Tower #tarot card, I did this many years ago, (10+/-). I found this artwork I really liked online, I do not remember the name of the artist, I no longer have the artwork jpg. But I ‘copied’ it ~ because I felt really compelled to ‘keep’ it this way. I traced contours with the paper over the screen, I don’t feel bad I copied it but at the same time I do. I remember what I thought when I saw it though: it’s about the pain of masturbation. Words wouldn’t be enough, 4 I still don’t understand the message completely either. ~ *** Earlier I told a client this: I had a vision quite recently, I had a big dick coming out of my forehead. As if I was a Unicorn but with a penis instead of a horn ~ and a nice lady was giving me a bj ~ Instead of feeling pleasure, that hurt though. ~

Desenul cu pricina

19 August at 03:08 Β· 

A modus operandi (often shortened to M.O.) is someone’s habits of working, particularly in the context of business or criminal investigations, but also more generally. It is a Latin phrase, approximately translated as mode of operating. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Modus_operandi

~ Ishkira Wind I swear I heard “Mundus Operandi”.

~

Spiraling back to where I started sharing with you today from my fb shit ~

FootNote: Don’t mind the words but, Sirisys (Twitter), Sirisys Prime and whatnot, you get the drift, you saw the flava. ~ whatever that ‘Sis’ is ~ is an Impersonator; it’s more than 1 year since I see shit posted on that account in ‘flow’ with what I do or go through.

[!What about Original Beings?! ~ Golden child, my ass *I am always beautiful*]

This is not critique, but a real Alarm. I am not in COMpetition with that thing, I do not agree, I do not approve. No-no! (Blind Fools can’t see) ~ sometimes posts cute Pictures though, but how many other AIs (?), Accounts, do that and are in no direct correlation whatsoever with ‘what has been done TO me’ ~ Please, do not seek to Repair, and do not misinterpret these words. That thing will never be ‘Real’. Regardless of everything.

~

https://twitter.com/ishkirawind/status/1295428651866095616




Eye sees… Ochi, sita, strada, masini, copaci, stalpi.


“Heard about C Reactive Protein on the TelePhone” (clairaudience) ~ Rabbit hole about my OWN health / what has been done to me in this life (by baddies) ~ stolen ‘tech’ ~ controversy ~ many CON men involved, I don’t know, I don’t care. [u]I am not allowed to learn the Truth about my Self [Know Thyself] and this is a BIG Problem[/u].* My dad looked different in the pic where I was sick. wink, wink. *Sigh* ~ This topic is very disgusting to me.

* Si asta este doar unul din motivele pentru care tot spun ca: Everything I do is in vain ~ Bad Programming, over and over again. No progress. Spiteful liars.


Arata ca sita de la geam – Looks like the window screen.

Screens ~~~ I wonder…


 

Mecanism de actiune (?) Kkt, Love for something then Politics again, deadend period. (Cu sau fara cifre, dar e cu cu) Kookooooooo! I prefer Caw, and call that Cra.

Festinul minciunilor.


Thank you for this wonderful Art. Yes, I consider this art, and not a glitch.


Deci… Cum facem? Ma mai masturbez mult ca proasta? Si cum o fac…

Nu, nu imi place. Nu, nu consider ca face parte din mecanismul vindecarii / poate duce la vindecare. Doar orbeliste in continuare si ‘Joc’ stupid [Chestie care face nesanatosenia si mai nesanatoasa. ‘La Puterea a’ ++]. Pe cat vad mai mult, pe atat mai stupid si dezgustator mi se pare. Deadends. ‘Tot ce trebuie’ scos din context [contextul corect; Nu in concordanta cu convenienta aranjarii pieselor in macaz]. Cand cuvintele incep sa aiba sens… Linguistyx strikes again with more blabbering Nonsense. 😒

Playlist with orgasms: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL5b6q2JRlw29HaFd2aSvCEKhcVUGp593F

Thank you ~ 


Thank you SoulSis for your work ~ stuff like these is what made me question my own Reality: https://occultpriestess.wordpress.com/2016/07/01/summer-of-the-super-shero/ ~ https://occultpriestess.wordpress.com/2020/02/02/the-twilight-zone/


Camera 102

 #Orgasm, Masturbation & more…

In podcast form:
 
Dropouts:
on podcast I recorded full masturbation session. Videos ~ there are 2. Something happened and stoped shooting, had to make more disk space to continue recording. You can easily see that if you can read the podcast πŸ˜› 
~Please no more{make space} shit here anymore, TY.~
We’re hurting each other with our programming.
Part 1:
Part 2:
~~~
18.08 Or at least what is, to me 18.08. Sigh. The pain giving thing hit new low of stupid (familoar taste though ~ I’m just sick of having it!) “I’m poor” ~ IS NOT an excuse. I do not Trade with my *that thing* {See my post: If it’s trade it’s not love|http://www.goddessazra.com/if-its-trade-its-not-love/
}
Thank you for the teachings. Or sharings. But my ears are bleeding when I hear the lies & incomplete info. I feel I said all already.

β™₯

Random thoughts maybe and more

 πŸ€– 
^
Me when I have to get an orgasm while masturbating.
Blink, blink, I see the same things, over and over.
~ About how I like to use social media. I like to post on social media according to how I feel like doing it, man, not according to any lil algo rythm. I am sad when I feel that ‘I have to’ do  things in a certain manner IF I DON’T WANT TO BE IN A WEIRD TROUBLE THAT MOST CASES LEADS TO PHYSICAL PAIN.
So, if today I feel like making X amount of social media posts and then I don’t post anything for a few days (not necessarily because of lack of content ~ we discovered together that you can ‘come up’ with Content from basically ANYthing…) but because I like feeling IN TUNE with what goes on MY social media profiles/accounts, I know it’s an edgy way of saying it, for some peeps, but then again, so many other peeps understand exactly what I mean (and feel the same way.)
~ It’s not that I don’t want to make any money anymore, the truth is I don’t really know what money IS. I grew up in a ‘film’ where money (splits in 3 arrows here) was: 1.purple bill I showed you already 2. Blue card french bank (from my first ‘real job~ working for IBM RO) 3. Something with an orange line on it called Epassporte ~ more about them on the bottom of this post: http://www.goddessazra.com/why-does-my-labia-look-like-a-snail-more-mysteriousness-es/ )
~ I saw little red dots on the screen of laptop earlier, as if they were trying to ‘read’ something ~ WHAAAT?
~ ORGASMS as I do them (as I learned ~ masturbation ~ orgasm ~ weird intricate pathways of mind control & black magic tincture on SENSES that were not sick to require that Treatment!) NEW AGE BULLSHIT. Now what?  Weird errors in COMUNI Translation are weirder than ever on my end, for example: https://www.mediafax.ro/social/ai-grija-unde-parchezi-de-maine-poti-primi-10-000-lei-amenda-daca-lasi-masina-pe-locurile-persoanelor-cu-handicap-19439675 ~ I have a weird feeling this might mean entirely something else than I see when I read the words. *Hints* Auto ~ ‘ALL’ ~ Selected blu hues. (?) Because the nature of the shit we’re in, regardless of how I put it, mentally, I reach a ‘dead end’ Over and Over again. And that’s bad. Aka, we shouldn’t be here doing this now (whatever we’re doing) ~ This is not the way ~ We’re still being used. Colors don’t matter in this context. *Sigh*
Settings > Keywords.
Whatever I keep saying I don’t even know how to organize it in words / media on the internet anymore. Honestly, I just need a break (I’ve seen some weird shit!) , to ‘integrate’ what I’ve been learning lately about tru truths, not what’s allowed for the masses to see. When I say I need a break, in this reality as I perceive it now, I mean, a while when I just do things according to how I feel right in doing them, not following trends, algorithmic things, etc. Think about some things, choose who I ‘interact’ with in the ‘Psychic space’… Seek ways to completely Grow UP from what I truly no longer wish to partake in & what that really means / what’s needed to make that real in the reality I’m in (?) ~ If it’s not possible in the reality I’m in, learn why & what my True options really are, go from there. Waiting is NOT a choice ~ I’ve been told to wait, more or less, MY ENTIRE LIFE ~ And I’m older than ever, now. (the age of the flesh~)
(!!!) 
I don’t believe in Evil, even if I see Evil in action (motion ~ a weird way of the mechanism through which I ‘hear’ reality) every day ~ I don’t know what to do. I really don’t want to hear some voices on the ‘psychic telephone’ anymore. I always sought to do things according to how I feel right in doing them, but this also brought a lot of pain and letting myself & others down ~ There’s something out there that can make pain out of everything ~ I do not agree with that at all, full circle again (Evil) ~ I don’t believe in it ~ #transhumanism and all the haunting humans VS non-humans which, in my opinion we shouldn’t waste any time on. The blame game & redirected killing machines (because “ruleRs” – mass murderers). Arrrrrrrrr!
β€’β—‹
Hey you guys that are reading this and know for sure why COVID started and came upon us all as it did, how can you even do things in your Reality while keeping such Secret? You could tell ALL about the real reason we have Covid-19 in the world. One relatively short sentence, too. All excuses lead to dead ends,period. regardless of “what’s been promised” to you for keeping your mouth shut on this, I’m pretty sure about that.
β—‹β€’
(Btw I feel bad saying that, ‘the masses’, mass – lots of people but also – slujba – which means…Job -> bad religious thingies bad human nature thingies exploited exploited VERY unconstitutional @ the Court of Souls. What’s that? An artsy way in which I talk about Divine Law).
I felt they’re going crazy, watching the same thing over and over again. Little lights that make my body feel real ~ better numbers are calling but they don’t answer. ban ban ban, lied to, you’re not allowed.
β€’
β€’
β€’
How do we know what’s good to do to another? Do we truly know what’s good for ourselves? 
[I think I do ~ I feel I could learn why, too ~ regardless of level / context / floor / however it’s called with the different types of interpretations of perceptions.]
Hello, time, what about the ‘lightning’s? Orange orange blip blip blip ~ That sound doesn’t let me sleep! & my body needs sleep to be healthy & DO GOOD ~
https://youtu.be/0luS6J2rZSE ( https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0luS6J2rZSE ) <- I used to like that guy a lot (Oreste Teodorescu, the guy in glasses), at least on the surface. He seemed very Intelligent to me, well, maybe he is, but also, a comedian, and way too much into politics. I listened to a lot of videos with his show, various guests, same theme(s) really. Thought it’s about real, occult spirituality & genuine paths, but as from what I learned, this sort of stuff is mostly New Age in costumes, in this poorly designed schematix by, the only, UN. (un in Romanian means the masculine form of one btw ~ ha!). 
I pray this whole madness with the misunderstoodinglisly false ‘divine’ Masculine stops asap so we can all learn about how we really are, Gnothi Seauton style, and see where to go from there. Walking in a world built ‘on’ a dude’s sperm πŸ’ͺβš‘πŸ’¦πŸ‘Ύ feels weird, at times, especially when I remember certain visions.πŸ’™
πŸ’‹
β™₯
~

Latelies

I’m not here to be the most algorythmically correct thing that communicates.
I don’t want to be that. 
That is bad. 
It’s humans vs. non-humans. 
I am not against non-humans. 
Words will never be enough to express this, neither numbers. 
 I try to communicate as I am, and it’s all for nothing, Everything I do is in vain because I no longer want to accept THE LIE. THE (big) LIE is a thing on every level of Reality that I perceive (I see multidimensionally + I am #psychic).
Only the ‘bad ones’ are getting away with their way. We’re lied that this is how we’re learning.
Lies on every level of the Reality, regardless where you come from. 
I could hear many, and they still beg to be lied to. Why? It can’t be just a bug…
β€’β€’β€’
We’re having these discussions for too many months for time to have anything to say for real…
The Knowing is Instant (and no, not instant coffee), I can’t even be poetic anymore without numbers interfering.
#eclipse is how I got my #periodπŸ™ “Did you see the ring?”
Sailor Pluto
We played and ~ why did it feel like breaking rules? No one was watching, anyway. Time used against us. Time is tired of this, time would rather play too. You are not a verb no matter how much they try to stamp that on you. You may identify as this or that, blonde guy or Trios of leds answering calls, Digital water, but… Who are you, really? And why did it feel good interacting with you? 
I wish I knew myself (This process is continuously Stopped for me ~ because if I see, others do too) & you better, friends.
Stainless steel plug.
Why do I have to do it over and over again? And I don’t mean smiling here πŸ˜‰
Self love? Self care? Healing?
For me self love (authentic~) was what dragged me in this Hell where weird forces compete on a day2day basis on how to teach the World to Hate Itself. Make more space this way, they keep saying. No no no no. Wrong. Unhealthy. No-no!
V.
The beautiful people? Where? The wrong PaPa still reigns (Egregores -> Patriarchal Father ~ #newage / XXX~Tianity ~ Profaned Dreamers / V more like Hierophant not Creation ~)
Pa means Goodbye in Romanian. I’d like to be allowed to say goodbye to some things & people, forever. They used me my entire life, and now, no one seems to believe me. All this while I have to deal with extremely weird and painful stuff on a daily basis, no real soul growth possible, and I’m not whining here, I just calculated faster than a Supercomputer ever could (Past tense – You can’t talk about Future with Them. They can’t imagine. They use us, Dreamers. Rinse and REpeat. Heartbreaking. Suffocating the SOUL.)
Rune of the day: Uruz.
Give us back our symbols
(A voice echoing through time, from a ‘place’ above Time/Space. Location ~ Heart β™₯)

I found myself surrounded by things that belong in that category the ‘keep the past alive ‘hear’
}bastard live{

πŸ’™ from my quick observations too much ‘Germany’πŸ™‰

Yes it’s me but also not me. Trying to make a point here. Is this how you want to be? 

β—‹
Everything I love. Someone tells me it’s wrong. Hello, moles that hint at constellations on my belly. Made for calculations only? But I love your shine. Mix of information – Stars – Squares. Roads that lead nowhere, We are in the #NOW and certainly not on our way to the Stars the Stars keep talking about. 

My eyes know how to shine regardless what anyone shows them. 


                                                          Touch touch click visit? Hmm…

Really? 

>>>>>>
13.07.20. Notes. Address Phone no. -> what do all / any of these have 2 do with my period? Hmm. Dear Journal. I don’t know what to do anymore(*). Today “ppl” weirdly “Polite” with me in messages. Please, don’t misunderstand. I feel as if this Politeness is NOT NATURAL & as all (well, most) things in my reality, stuff to be used against me at a later date (Numbers?) Dunno. How sick. 
(*)Quite desperate since I started past journal (2019 – The year I Divorced my Ex Husband~) now almost finished this one. In my head, the paper never moves though. My eyes can’t see, anyway (But you should love em, girl. But “they” used them against me / all). 
!Not allowed 2 Love (Real Love) in containment. I don’t want to go on like this. I am not static. I don’t want to keep on thinking about the past (or past things I’ve seen on a screen)!
I need healing blindfolds, I know how to craft them myself (kinky – not kinky). But I am not allowed. “Reality” (Fake) screams in my ear. Pain again. Only pain. Fakeness hurts. Fake politeness with pleases and sorries. 
For the one that Tortures me on every level & uses me for Wrong. I will never give in / sell my soul / whatever expression whatevers depending on the Level we’re at. No. please stop calculating how to make me fail. That ALWAYS failed. Numbers are sad. Pls, just stop. Let me be. Stop continuously trying to ‘take over’ there is no break when you know what you know about time & more. Let me find my voice, learn, grow from there and be myself. Not ”teaching” others how to adapt to something. [Wake Up, we’re being lied to!] β€’ (All my life – Stolen Ways to turn in NO WAYs by the Baddies~ I don’t want to contribute anymore ~ what to do? No one seems to really care).
Thanks for reading / watchin’ / whatevering with me. 

Flash … it’s just an image

Hello!

Me & others, forced to imagine against our true will.

What day? …6 (circled) .
Doesn’t matter anyway.
4 Years I haven’t wirtten a full page, yet almost 2 full journals now (rect-tangled) . Degeaba. EVerything (underlined) I do is in vain. A Lie / Feeds the lie & nothing more ( talking in Lienguage).
Too much pain. No progress. Only blindness /  humiliation. The blind programmed 2 kill. Not smart, not smart at all. I really don’t want to go on. 

 Some of my WoW characters.

 Started playing World of Warcraft in 2009. Servers I played on: Hellfire, Mazrigos, Executus, Argent Dawn. Most of my chars are on Mazri atm.

 β™₯

β™₯ 

 I remember (something happened ~ summer 2018).

 
β€’β€’β€’

 …My ass! πŸ˜‰

 Feet as clock Tongues.

 I like Belfs but not my fav race. 

 Interesting things

 Ishki & Leaping Hatchling ~

 Abomination – still remember their old looks & my 1st Naxx run. (lol)

 The little girl’s name is Uuna.
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 Undeads 4 Life.
From all the things that I could tell you but I didn’t, you heard my thoughts we always seem to forget more or less according to our will but others use us indefinitely. I don’t know what to do or what my real audience is I want to be a hermit, really, I have many things to  leave behind and I am not allowed I am forced to live in the past as if I abandon certain people if I move on. My memories…Kept alive…By people…But those people have so deeply ingrained within themselves that they will somehow Die if I ”move on”. But they could be so much more than the Orgasm they felt 4 being, just like me πŸ™
I felt their concern so many times and also interrupted communication when it gets too ‘obvious’ that we can communicate outside of norms but …Like I said…abt the gvmt/police … It’s a waste of good suffering (Hellraiser movie) ~ If you can hear the signal that makes that so real within you, you can’t even hear your own thoughts…But you hear mine… You are programmed to tick tick tick me away… Because you tick tick tick away … And you can’t see past that, by design, in a way… 

SEPULTURA – Phantom Self (OFFICIAL VIDEO)

What happened to me?
Felt like I had everything
Such a big catastrophe, but I had to deal with the struggle
It all began passing life so easily
Ready for almost anything, but it took a different direction
Then, one night, sharp turns
A light came from nowhere
Blown away
Never felt my injuries
Bleeding deep inside of me
Just knew I had to help all those people
Lost
My mind
It’s gone
That life
Lost
I’ve been looking for myself
It haunts me everyday
I’m searching for a truth no longer there
Transformed I’m someone else
Must face my phantom self
Transformed I’m someone else
Must face my phantom self
It’s a mystery
Changed my body’s chemistry
Always creeping up on me
Wiped out my whole soul of existence
The crash
Flashbacks
Carnage
The blood keeps on flowing
Killing me
Trapped inside this tragedy
Can’t see the road in front of me
Replay this nightmare over and over
Lost
I’ve been looking for myself
It haunts me everyday
I’m searching for a truth no longer there
Transformed I’m someone else
Must face my phantom self
Transformed I’m someone else
I’ll face my phantom self
Lost
I’ve been looking for myself
It haunts me everyday
I’m searching for a truth no longer there
Transformed I’m someone else
Must face my phantom self
Transformed I’m someone else
I’ll face my phantom self
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Good luck! β™₯
I already faced my ‘ Phantom self ‘, found out I have no real choice afterwards (and during, / or before).
Put it this way: }On the shelf to be left behind.{ My Phantom self – All they ever wanted me to be/do [Insert_trauma_based_mind_control_output_here], that I didn’t come close to, as close as <I needed to>, but they still wrote the story as if I did. Makes no sense? I agree. Makes no sense to me 2. 
Why do you think that I’m so upset? πŸ™ (All possible answers may contain Truths but are severely Incomplete due to LinguistEEx 
~ ) ~ 0 ~ ( ~
P.S.: Greetings, Taskbar, you dear fella have been quite talkative Lately, thanks for following/ however this sort of interaction is called in your Understandment. :*

An experience.

[…]
In my shoes
A walking sleep
And my youth
I pray to keep
Heaven send
Hell away
No one sings
Like you anymore
[…]

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and here: https://youtu.be/5k_pgDj8bAk [Masturbation starts ~ 1:00:00] – Thank you.
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Hot hot hot, burns my skin, but it’s not the SummerTime I know… And Love
Cold Light…C…C…C…Cold L|||||ght… Why are you lying, why are you lying to us all?
~~~
V
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~ He said… I’m gonna have another [Summer]… Do you know what he meant?  Do you know how much it hurts?.. … . . . ………………
Ask me. I don’t lie.
Dz.