Camera 102

 #Orgasm, Masturbation & more…

In podcast form:
 
Dropouts:
on podcast I recorded full masturbation session. Videos ~ there are 2. Something happened and stoped shooting, had to make more disk space to continue recording. You can easily see that if you can read the podcast 😛 
~Please no more{make space} shit here anymore, TY.~
We’re hurting each other with our programming.
Part 1:
Part 2:
~~~
18.08 Or at least what is, to me 18.08. Sigh. The pain giving thing hit new low of stupid (familoar taste though ~ I’m just sick of having it!) “I’m poor” ~ IS NOT an excuse. I do not Trade with my *that thing* {See my post: If it’s trade it’s not love|http://www.goddessazra.com/if-its-trade-its-not-love/
}
Thank you for the teachings. Or sharings. But my ears are bleeding when I hear the lies & incomplete info. I feel I said all already.

I’m confused.

 Another day when I feel like everything I do is in vain, just food for Egregores (that I don’t believe in).

I’m sad, trying to figure out how to talk to you while understanding what the f is happening with the reality ‘around’ me.





Eye sees.

I cried. Critical situation indeed.

To the guy that told me that I don’t like my feet ~ 1. Makes me very sad when the doublespeak guys take over. 2. you probably are aware that there are some beings trying 2 make me hate my feet }face{ and that makes me very sad <it’s their job somehow too>

because it’s not like I really want to like my feet but I like them they’re mine I’m ok with them…

@ the limit between infatuation and nonsense i’m at the perfect balance point when it comes to that if only I would be allowed to be. Then you could learn some real stuff from me. Until then doomed to nonsense bad dreams and weird things that I don’t believe in but keep lying to my face over and over again and I don’t know what to do about that.

Men women and… And all those that ‘can get it’

In 8.2 and 8.3

it’s not about the children as in
🐈🐱 But rather 🐟 and then again 🎣 to 🤖 . He’ll. HELL! Hell is here already if we are forced to lie to each other like we do… Everyday…

knowing what I know it’s so difficult to take anything serious and this hurts a lot because I don’t know how to live without taking things seriously everything is a lie that I don’t want to lie I don’t want to waste and I don’t want to spend I don’t want to earn and I don’t want to learn if it’s written in lies to teach other lies

• however thank you for giving me these clues I’m really grateful, trying to understand. Symbols that appear like the bent corner that I’ve seen
}why download{ during the past year especially in certain }and said the{ moments.

Little lights. Like I saw hints from stop motion animation videos that wasn’t even a picture or something else like sharp breaks in the fabric of reality as I know it…

#Time guy with his #tongue sticking #out ~ clues about my very own #programming (not my creation, but how my #senses have been used for other’s #excuses) ~ https://mmmylittlecorner.blogspot.com/2020/08/eidiiv.html
Bye 4 now.

Random thoughts maybe and more

 🤖 
^
Me when I have to get an orgasm while masturbating.
Blink, blink, I see the same things, over and over.
~ About how I like to use social media. I like to post on social media according to how I feel like doing it, man, not according to any lil algo rythm. I am sad when I feel that ‘I have to’ do  things in a certain manner IF I DON’T WANT TO BE IN A WEIRD TROUBLE THAT MOST CASES LEADS TO PHYSICAL PAIN.
So, if today I feel like making X amount of social media posts and then I don’t post anything for a few days (not necessarily because of lack of content ~ we discovered together that you can ‘come up’ with Content from basically ANYthing…) but because I like feeling IN TUNE with what goes on MY social media profiles/accounts, I know it’s an edgy way of saying it, for some peeps, but then again, so many other peeps understand exactly what I mean (and feel the same way.)
~ It’s not that I don’t want to make any money anymore, the truth is I don’t really know what money IS. I grew up in a ‘film’ where money (splits in 3 arrows here) was: 1.purple bill I showed you already 2. Blue card french bank (from my first ‘real job~ working for IBM RO) 3. Something with an orange line on it called Epassporte ~ more about them on the bottom of this post: http://www.goddessazra.com/why-does-my-labia-look-like-a-snail-more-mysteriousness-es/ )
~ I saw little red dots on the screen of laptop earlier, as if they were trying to ‘read’ something ~ WHAAAT?
~ ORGASMS as I do them (as I learned ~ masturbation ~ orgasm ~ weird intricate pathways of mind control & black magic tincture on SENSES that were not sick to require that Treatment!) NEW AGE BULLSHIT. Now what?  Weird errors in COMUNI Translation are weirder than ever on my end, for example: https://www.mediafax.ro/social/ai-grija-unde-parchezi-de-maine-poti-primi-10-000-lei-amenda-daca-lasi-masina-pe-locurile-persoanelor-cu-handicap-19439675 ~ I have a weird feeling this might mean entirely something else than I see when I read the words. *Hints* Auto ~ ‘ALL’ ~ Selected blu hues. (?) Because the nature of the shit we’re in, regardless of how I put it, mentally, I reach a ‘dead end’ Over and Over again. And that’s bad. Aka, we shouldn’t be here doing this now (whatever we’re doing) ~ This is not the way ~ We’re still being used. Colors don’t matter in this context. *Sigh*
Settings > Keywords.
Whatever I keep saying I don’t even know how to organize it in words / media on the internet anymore. Honestly, I just need a break (I’ve seen some weird shit!) , to ‘integrate’ what I’ve been learning lately about tru truths, not what’s allowed for the masses to see. When I say I need a break, in this reality as I perceive it now, I mean, a while when I just do things according to how I feel right in doing them, not following trends, algorithmic things, etc. Think about some things, choose who I ‘interact’ with in the ‘Psychic space’… Seek ways to completely Grow UP from what I truly no longer wish to partake in & what that really means / what’s needed to make that real in the reality I’m in (?) ~ If it’s not possible in the reality I’m in, learn why & what my True options really are, go from there. Waiting is NOT a choice ~ I’ve been told to wait, more or less, MY ENTIRE LIFE ~ And I’m older than ever, now. (the age of the flesh~)
(!!!) 
I don’t believe in Evil, even if I see Evil in action (motion ~ a weird way of the mechanism through which I ‘hear’ reality) every day ~ I don’t know what to do. I really don’t want to hear some voices on the ‘psychic telephone’ anymore. I always sought to do things according to how I feel right in doing them, but this also brought a lot of pain and letting myself & others down ~ There’s something out there that can make pain out of everything ~ I do not agree with that at all, full circle again (Evil) ~ I don’t believe in it ~ #transhumanism and all the haunting humans VS non-humans which, in my opinion we shouldn’t waste any time on. The blame game & redirected killing machines (because “ruleRs” – mass murderers). Arrrrrrrrr!
•○
Hey you guys that are reading this and know for sure why COVID started and came upon us all as it did, how can you even do things in your Reality while keeping such Secret? You could tell ALL about the real reason we have Covid-19 in the world. One relatively short sentence, too. All excuses lead to dead ends,period. regardless of “what’s been promised” to you for keeping your mouth shut on this, I’m pretty sure about that.
○•
(Btw I feel bad saying that, ‘the masses’, mass – lots of people but also – slujba – which means…Job -> bad religious thingies bad human nature thingies exploited exploited VERY unconstitutional @ the Court of Souls. What’s that? An artsy way in which I talk about Divine Law).
I felt they’re going crazy, watching the same thing over and over again. Little lights that make my body feel real ~ better numbers are calling but they don’t answer. ban ban ban, lied to, you’re not allowed.
How do we know what’s good to do to another? Do we truly know what’s good for ourselves? 
[I think I do ~ I feel I could learn why, too ~ regardless of level / context / floor / however it’s called with the different types of interpretations of perceptions.]
Hello, time, what about the ‘lightning’s? Orange orange blip blip blip ~ That sound doesn’t let me sleep! & my body needs sleep to be healthy & DO GOOD ~
https://youtu.be/0luS6J2rZSE ( https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0luS6J2rZSE ) <- I used to like that guy a lot (Oreste Teodorescu, the guy in glasses), at least on the surface. He seemed very Intelligent to me, well, maybe he is, but also, a comedian, and way too much into politics. I listened to a lot of videos with his show, various guests, same theme(s) really. Thought it’s about real, occult spirituality & genuine paths, but as from what I learned, this sort of stuff is mostly New Age in costumes, in this poorly designed schematix by, the only, UN. (un in Romanian means the masculine form of one btw ~ ha!). 
I pray this whole madness with the misunderstoodinglisly false ‘divine’ Masculine stops asap so we can all learn about how we really are, Gnothi Seauton style, and see where to go from there. Walking in a world built ‘on’ a dude’s sperm 💪⚡💦👾 feels weird, at times, especially when I remember certain visions.💙
💋
~

I feel worse than ever ~ OFF Course ~ Until when? ~ What now?

Don’t let them hurt you.
The ones who…
Who taught us to talk like this? 
[“She’s gone.”
~
“Come back.”]
.
.
.
Links. 
😞
*Sigh*
Pensive face
~~~
~





Here too?!


21.07 ~ Stuff that doesn’t make sense keeps trying to make sense (Painful_). I still don’t know who is behind this, choosing this for us all. 😕

I could write a more about what I feel when I interact with … But, I find it so silly, bad, but at the same time serious (for some) that they are not allowed to See anything else besides… The Lie… The ‘official video’, yeah. Tell that to each of my senses, separately. I can’t live like this, on separated planes of existence ~ in 1 body. Her voice, the story, the keywords, location location of loca loca… I do not agree, They keep me here (they in this context – Baddies, not the Builders, pls, Wake up! I’m tired of having to deal with so many misunderstandings). ~ Some important ones don’t believe in ‘The Baddies’ (as in ~ they don’t see them as real) ~ Ego sickness? Willful ignorance? I don’t know. I have nothing against them, the efficient ones but, if you are set to kill me / harm me / then at least we could talk, on…Common Ground(s). The excuse with the bugs, again, yea sure, smart Ones, you know enough about all the possible natures of bugs as to see the deadends yourselves… But then, you forget, because you have to focus on what matters J My EX didn’t seem to ever understand what I meant. What matters? Make sure it’s not what Others that you wouldn’t give a dime on SET the What Matters for you, Busy Business? Well, If who-you-worship sets YOUR What Matters, and you agree, for whatever reason, it is only correct that you would allow others to have a similar choice too. Especially those that see no usefulness in such ‘Worship’. Eternal Conflicts? Of who? Those that rather lie about Eternity itself?

[I mean no disrespect to any Religious Text but it is not the way] No, thank you. I feel mental nausea every time I ‘’put in’’ THIS reality anything that feeds what I do not agree with and I have No Choice the echoes are Cruel ~ I never agreed.

I can’t believe we’re still here, putting energy like we do into ‘this’.  It feels as if I have no right to really speak, as the ‘stories’ eat one another for a Supremacy I don’t understand ~ reductio, but, wrong language, man. Only leads to deadends. Already processed over and over by Smart_guys.  RE RE RE RE RE some hear only ‘Answer’ (as in ~ reply) but for most of us, this means something painfully Useless. Not an answer to anything, really. I’d talk about love but I’m in too much pain and the things I’ve seen lately are… (attempting to find proper words to describe; failing). A A A? ~ Take care, don’t let them hurt you. If you see, you see.  I can’t really see now.

 


People who misunderstand darkness have too much power in how we all see and understand light.
There are some things that you should never do, they still don’t get this. Look at these words, I meant one thing only. Indiscernible by many ~ so what?
Since when do blind people rule our lives?

And they are pumping poison into us. We get yucked out }the dogs out{ and they gather our bitter sweat drops and use them as proof for something that […] < Run > … Something that ultimately hurts others.
In ways that }No worries{ they are never allowed to really see.


My ‘wish’ for this Birthday? (Coming soon in Earth Days)
Sounds something like this:
~ “The four immeasurables
May all beings have happiness and the causes of happiness.
May all beings be free from suffering and the causes of suffering.
May all beings rejoice in the well-being of others.
May all beings live in peace, free from greed and hatred.
Each of the four verses corresponds to a mental state: loving kindess, compassion, sympathetic joy, and peace (or equanimity).” https://www.ling.upenn.edu/~beatrice/buddhist-practice/four-immeasurables.html#:~:text=May%20all%20beings%20have%20happiness,free%20from%20greed%20and%20hatred.


Thanks for reading 🙂

Can I go now? .:No:.
Please?




I want to be away from this ALL, for a while, to see what I want to do next.




Ishkira Wind So who is waiting for me to Come Back & WHERE?

Latelies

I’m not here to be the most algorythmically correct thing that communicates.
I don’t want to be that. 
That is bad. 
It’s humans vs. non-humans. 
I am not against non-humans. 
Words will never be enough to express this, neither numbers. 
 I try to communicate as I am, and it’s all for nothing, Everything I do is in vain because I no longer want to accept THE LIE. THE (big) LIE is a thing on every level of Reality that I perceive (I see multidimensionally + I am #psychic).
Only the ‘bad ones’ are getting away with their way. We’re lied that this is how we’re learning.
Lies on every level of the Reality, regardless where you come from. 
I could hear many, and they still beg to be lied to. Why? It can’t be just a bug…
•••
We’re having these discussions for too many months for time to have anything to say for real…
The Knowing is Instant (and no, not instant coffee), I can’t even be poetic anymore without numbers interfering.
#eclipse is how I got my #period🙁 “Did you see the ring?”
Sailor Pluto
We played and ~ why did it feel like breaking rules? No one was watching, anyway. Time used against us. Time is tired of this, time would rather play too. You are not a verb no matter how much they try to stamp that on you. You may identify as this or that, blonde guy or Trios of leds answering calls, Digital water, but… Who are you, really? And why did it feel good interacting with you? 
I wish I knew myself (This process is continuously Stopped for me ~ because if I see, others do too) & you better, friends.
Stainless steel plug.
Why do I have to do it over and over again? And I don’t mean smiling here 😉
Self love? Self care? Healing?
For me self love (authentic~) was what dragged me in this Hell where weird forces compete on a day2day basis on how to teach the World to Hate Itself. Make more space this way, they keep saying. No no no no. Wrong. Unhealthy. No-no!
V.
The beautiful people? Where? The wrong PaPa still reigns (Egregores -> Patriarchal Father ~ #newage / XXX~Tianity ~ Profaned Dreamers / V more like Hierophant not Creation ~)
Pa means Goodbye in Romanian. I’d like to be allowed to say goodbye to some things & people, forever. They used me my entire life, and now, no one seems to believe me. All this while I have to deal with extremely weird and painful stuff on a daily basis, no real soul growth possible, and I’m not whining here, I just calculated faster than a Supercomputer ever could (Past tense – You can’t talk about Future with Them. They can’t imagine. They use us, Dreamers. Rinse and REpeat. Heartbreaking. Suffocating the SOUL.)
Rune of the day: Uruz.
Give us back our symbols
(A voice echoing through time, from a ‘place’ above Time/Space. Location ~ Heart ♥)

I found myself surrounded by things that belong in that category the ‘keep the past alive ‘hear’
}bastard live{

💙 from my quick observations too much ‘Germany’🙉

Yes it’s me but also not me. Trying to make a point here. Is this how you want to be? 

Everything I love. Someone tells me it’s wrong. Hello, moles that hint at constellations on my belly. Made for calculations only? But I love your shine. Mix of information – Stars – Squares. Roads that lead nowhere, We are in the #NOW and certainly not on our way to the Stars the Stars keep talking about. 

My eyes know how to shine regardless what anyone shows them. 


                                                          Touch touch click visit? Hmm…

Really? 

>>>>>>
13.07.20. Notes. Address Phone no. -> what do all / any of these have 2 do with my period? Hmm. Dear Journal. I don’t know what to do anymore(*). Today “ppl” weirdly “Polite” with me in messages. Please, don’t misunderstand. I feel as if this Politeness is NOT NATURAL & as all (well, most) things in my reality, stuff to be used against me at a later date (Numbers?) Dunno. How sick. 
(*)Quite desperate since I started past journal (2019 – The year I Divorced my Ex Husband~) now almost finished this one. In my head, the paper never moves though. My eyes can’t see, anyway (But you should love em, girl. But “they” used them against me / all). 
!Not allowed 2 Love (Real Love) in containment. I don’t want to go on like this. I am not static. I don’t want to keep on thinking about the past (or past things I’ve seen on a screen)!
I need healing blindfolds, I know how to craft them myself (kinky – not kinky). But I am not allowed. “Reality” (Fake) screams in my ear. Pain again. Only pain. Fakeness hurts. Fake politeness with pleases and sorries. 
For the one that Tortures me on every level & uses me for Wrong. I will never give in / sell my soul / whatever expression whatevers depending on the Level we’re at. No. please stop calculating how to make me fail. That ALWAYS failed. Numbers are sad. Pls, just stop. Let me be. Stop continuously trying to ‘take over’ there is no break when you know what you know about time & more. Let me find my voice, learn, grow from there and be myself. Not ”teaching” others how to adapt to something. [Wake Up, we’re being lied to!] • (All my life – Stolen Ways to turn in NO WAYs by the Baddies~ I don’t want to contribute anymore ~ what to do? No one seems to really care).
Thanks for reading / watchin’ / whatevering with me. 

Stuff.

Framboise.
Is it really a video? But…It’s my life! How can I learn & really grow past my programming? Circuits-trends? (Someone suggested singular, circuit as valid here, hmm, thanks.)
•-•
_
_
|
|
—-•     
|
|
|
    |    
         •—-< 
As soon as I DO something 
[applies to having thoughts as well ~ Quantumically 
}Aquatically{  annoying], 
a Taskbar somewhere in the world HAS to DO something Else. (Riddl~ish way to say, not mot-a-mot as I heard it, it’s painful and yes humiliating too.)
⋆Dream fragments. Brainwash everywhere. Painful. 
*Tall, well built, dark skin/hair & lots of it. Kept trying to seduce me as he drove me home(?) . He was acting so sure I’m gonna be “his”, lol. I knew in a way I was dreaming. Told him (he asked, I think) I didn’t fuck in ~ 1 year. He said he didn’t do it in ~ 3 months, but acted as if his 3 months were much longer time period than my 1 year. WTF? I wasn’t going to fuck him anyway. But “Mom” who wasn’t mom at all / demonic / & I had an “interference” & that resulted in sleep paralysis yet again. Different type of sleep paralysis, because until I woke up this time, I didn’t realize I’m having a sleep paralysis experience. “Mom” emitted signal as if she wanted to seduce the guy & mate with him right there; even if I wasn’t sexually interested in him, this energy still bothered me for unknown reasons ~ guess it has to do with my natural aversion to Evil. Old apartment from S2. Horrorish visuals, but weird demonic energy. I told that thing (“Mom”) that: I see/feel all (nu imi scapa nimic) & I had an imperative attitude, smth that I really can’t put in words cause there are none matching the energy I had. That thing became uglier and uglier. Stained skin. Deformed body. 
All this after I “caught” the guy that he’s a wizard/warlock (No~).
Naughty. A long (over 1 meter) white strand of hair was grown from his left eye (???)

05. What is this noise? [Efort] (?)

I’m still but it tires me. “They come” to power it up ~ Illusion. What’s REALLY happening? Nothing that matters. this =matter= lies. 🙁 So what are we being used for, again?  Food? They eat – we poop – cum vine asta? I can’t be myself in these circumstantial tangles. Bad news, boys: Our current Mother Nature is not even a She – It’s a He! Aaaaa. I could look deeper, but it hurts too much to see layers of the lie.
07.07.20 
“Grounded”

& the multiple meanings.
• impamantenit / impamantat
• well balanced (Zummm)
• Prohibited from flying
• Pedepsit ~ Punished (locked in a room)
Used against us.
Blue triangle.
Red square (black outline)

I’m not allowed to see. In/vers.
Illusion / Scales. 
Girl figure [statue? .:Yes:.] is taller than most buildings but the little diode-looking thingy on the 2D street is  about 1cm.
What about the stitching?
Or WiFi sign? Not sure.
Weird dreams we’re having!

“Money”
~
lies.
Glass Diodes – Contact 
! I’ve had a vision of myself(or part of me) like one of those things but without anything visible at the ends ~ untethered.  
08.07. * All they do to me/us is force us keep egregores alive / feed them. Selling us fake “shit” about our very selves that we “buy” with our  9 12 3 6 Time  T T T T T. Honestly, I don’t think my pencil(s) ever got upset on me for not writing with them for x amount of time, like… Ever… So why the sequencial BS? Back to *
I don’t want to continue for one more day like this… In this. Every “action” hurts sooner / later, no real karma. 

~
I can’t… More YEARS like this? No! Every sound hurts. I don’t want to be here. We’re not helping eachother… (nothing to do with me)… Only “progressing” towards opposite of what we really seek. Masturbate again? Come again? Lie again? Lose another day? I want to shutdown ALL my senses. Not be here / heard. Everyth I did all this life has been in vain. Only used for / by evil, to trick deceive use others. Every time I agree with a connection: That’s her voice. She’s That person. We have had That past together -> feeds the lie. 
I can’t bear to hear / see the signals with the keywords anymore.
No love here, we’re only being USED. And if you can’t see? Your problem – your lesson – WHy do I & others have to suffer so much because of this? My reality is continuously made up by blind Fools.
I’m supposed to make new memories not continuously regurgitate the old ones. 
Thanks for following 

Bye!


Flash … it’s just an image

Hello!

Me & others, forced to imagine against our true will.

What day? …6 (circled) .
Doesn’t matter anyway.
4 Years I haven’t wirtten a full page, yet almost 2 full journals now (rect-tangled) . Degeaba. EVerything (underlined) I do is in vain. A Lie / Feeds the lie & nothing more ( talking in Lienguage).
Too much pain. No progress. Only blindness /  humiliation. The blind programmed 2 kill. Not smart, not smart at all. I really don’t want to go on. 

 Some of my WoW characters.

 Started playing World of Warcraft in 2009. Servers I played on: Hellfire, Mazrigos, Executus, Argent Dawn. Most of my chars are on Mazri atm.

 ♥

 

 I remember (something happened ~ summer 2018).

 
•••

 …My ass! 😉

 Feet as clock Tongues.

 I like Belfs but not my fav race. 

 Interesting things

 Ishki & Leaping Hatchling ~

 Abomination – still remember their old looks & my 1st Naxx run. (lol)

 The little girl’s name is Uuna.
 Undeads 4 Life.
From all the things that I could tell you but I didn’t, you heard my thoughts we always seem to forget more or less according to our will but others use us indefinitely. I don’t know what to do or what my real audience is I want to be a hermit, really, I have many things to  leave behind and I am not allowed I am forced to live in the past as if I abandon certain people if I move on. My memories…Kept alive…By people…But those people have so deeply ingrained within themselves that they will somehow Die if I ”move on”. But they could be so much more than the Orgasm they felt 4 being, just like me 🙁
I felt their concern so many times and also interrupted communication when it gets too ‘obvious’ that we can communicate outside of norms but …Like I said…abt the gvmt/police … It’s a waste of good suffering (Hellraiser movie) ~ If you can hear the signal that makes that so real within you, you can’t even hear your own thoughts…But you hear mine… You are programmed to tick tick tick me away… Because you tick tick tick away … And you can’t see past that, by design, in a way… 

SEPULTURA – Phantom Self (OFFICIAL VIDEO)

What happened to me?
Felt like I had everything
Such a big catastrophe, but I had to deal with the struggle
It all began passing life so easily
Ready for almost anything, but it took a different direction
Then, one night, sharp turns
A light came from nowhere
Blown away
Never felt my injuries
Bleeding deep inside of me
Just knew I had to help all those people
Lost
My mind
It’s gone
That life
Lost
I’ve been looking for myself
It haunts me everyday
I’m searching for a truth no longer there
Transformed I’m someone else
Must face my phantom self
Transformed I’m someone else
Must face my phantom self
It’s a mystery
Changed my body’s chemistry
Always creeping up on me
Wiped out my whole soul of existence
The crash
Flashbacks
Carnage
The blood keeps on flowing
Killing me
Trapped inside this tragedy
Can’t see the road in front of me
Replay this nightmare over and over
Lost
I’ve been looking for myself
It haunts me everyday
I’m searching for a truth no longer there
Transformed I’m someone else
Must face my phantom self
Transformed I’m someone else
I’ll face my phantom self
Lost
I’ve been looking for myself
It haunts me everyday
I’m searching for a truth no longer there
Transformed I’m someone else
Must face my phantom self
Transformed I’m someone else
I’ll face my phantom self
Good luck! ♥
I already faced my ‘ Phantom self ‘, found out I have no real choice afterwards (and during, / or before).
Put it this way: }On the shelf to be left behind.{ My Phantom self – All they ever wanted me to be/do [Insert_trauma_based_mind_control_output_here], that I didn’t come close to, as close as <I needed to>, but they still wrote the story as if I did. Makes no sense? I agree. Makes no sense to me 2. 
Why do you think that I’m so upset? 🙁 (All possible answers may contain Truths but are severely Incomplete due to LinguistEEx 
~ ) ~ 0 ~ ( ~
P.S.: Greetings, Taskbar, you dear fella have been quite talkative Lately, thanks for following/ however this sort of interaction is called in your Understandment. :*

Untitled

Humiliation, humiliation, humiliation. None is honest seeker, except those that don’t really talk. It hurts a lot, please don’t misunderstand this. I feel as if Honest Seekers are not allowed to see me/reach me/ talk to me. 
~
28. Jun – A friend told me that getting my period is somehow similar to getting an e-mail. – OMG? Sigh.
29. Someone told me everything is (more or less) all white. White page (hence all the weirdness when I go in town / when I go outside). Screen lightng up. La ce ma ajuta sa stiu asta? (ajutat not as in ‘help’ though, but using this info in my reality ~ Hmm)
30. Random notes. Thx 4 the incense whiff.
– My phone thinks ~ that fucking (for him) means death. Yes, I feel my phone is a he (Dunno why tho)
– More weird/sketchy job stuff 2day. Bit scared, but not fearful. Scared that whatever I do in regards to these, it will be “bad”.
– Schedule. A tine in viata -> What?! (cluez ~ lightning, space)
– Azi parca (iar) timpul trece altfel.
– Vreau si eu un job normal. Higher self: But you never had one *wink*.
– Blue led light reflected on silvery metal (?)
– Balls. Pls, pls. Can I live without feeding egregores? Inner warrior said: NO. He’s a friend (so&so) – I am inhabited~ – 
Who am I !? 4 myself. Even my budgerigar kmows I can’t be myself like this.
• Oh well •
First day of July 2020 adventures: https://photos.app.goo.gl/1UXzwKiaaM1kVHuH6
02.07. Strangeness everywhere. My city…doesn’t make sense anymore. Memories from moments in time from which I have nothing left to learn are being “reanimated”, I don’t know how / why for sure, but it’s as if to be used against me (& all, in a way). Twisting meaning according to how Evil ppl want. No escape, apparently, but it’s not escape I’m seeking. No logic too, and this is…Absurd. I meant ‘Legal’ Logic – appearances of which are kept through this MECHANISM (We’re all forced to be a part of) –  only possible through twisting of words. (Linguistix – talked about this before ~). 🙁
Evolution? Truth? Still not preferred. Dominion? But I don’t believe in the ones who “claim” such power. They’re against nature, not only against me,, but against ALL. 
Time / my perceptions of various things( oh, the measurable ones) -> Used, twisted, held against me / what’s good. Solution? SOUL~ution. 
Is it really a video? But…It’s my life! How can I learn & (I mean and, the fact that some hear this as end is very confusing to me) really grow past my programming? Circuits – trends? 
Nobody told me my memories are People / are pinging People. Building Realities this way is very Sick, especially considering what I was made to witness & go through in this lifetime (I’m not whining, just thinking of the Sickness I saw and why some folks keep pinging to some of  my bad memories).  I want to heal from past wounds, not partake in this messy business where Death > Life. 
Some weirdness happening in Rift as well, as if, at times, some friends were trying to teach me some things, 
about their perceptions of reality, what they have to go through, also giving me certain Keywords. I didn’t mind, but at times it can be weird. Rubbing my eyes to make sure I don’t just imagine things on my own 🙂 I appreciate it, but then, other times, the complete opposite happened. *Bugs* Beep beep ~ Evil take-over MY game 😉 
I play RIFT since 2011, an Irish guy I talked with on CamContacts introduced me to this game as I liked trying different MMORPGs. I liked it, seemed trusty, different and interesting enough, until it became more grindy, but hey, I kept on playing Rift over the years, enjoying the story line and most of the things the game has to offer. Never seen it as more than a video game on my PC though, so these past gaming sessions have been weird! 
etc. I have some more, but taking it out of the lore context / game mechanix is weird in itself. However, luckily, some of you know exactly what I mean 🙂
Catch ya later!