Thank you for the ‘winks’ ~

Orgasming twice


 Orgasming twice and chatting with you ~ #psychic…

If I like you, you surely know by now that I don’t like doing that…

And if I don’t like you, I don’t wanna do that for/with you.



I really liked this music a while ago, now I don’t like it the same. I’ve grown up. I hear friends who sound disappointed that I no longer like that music, and I don’t understand why. If they like it, ok, it’s not like I have a problem with that by not liking it anymore.

Who’s C? 🙂

-not mine-

Categorized as stuff

I don’t care what you like

 ~ I want to buy myself ~

A weird thought I had recently, I do not like the idea or to think more about what this could mean, felt as if I was trying to explain something to somebody.


Measurements: 93 – 68 – 99 & 65kg 172 cm


Btw, I’m profoundly disappointed by most that reaches me when it comes to communicating with you.

29.04.21I can’t live knowing that nobody corrects them. Means, it hurts me very much and I don’t know what to do there is literally no cure available or in process of research (or ever Marketable). And I am not hopeless when I say that it’s different. I can’t believe my ears and eyes, every day, getting stupider, and it’s not about patience. Juggling numbers going bk to the past in my mind it’s same stupid different polish but…Same shit… Nobody happy..And not happy as in life purpose to be happy. I can’t even vent, you know why? Some say yes some no. Because of all the incorrect and wrong (damaging) assumptions.  Why I wanted to homeschool my kids? Meant smth different for me in context when I was mentally planning that. I was looking forward to the innovative shits available with tech and I didn’t want my kids to waste time on useless shit. That’s why. All my school years were a waste of time. Proof? I am only serving perverts NOW in “real life” ~ And that’s all that’s all about, right? ALL we do…FOR REAL LIFE… T T T T T T T T T  Hit me baby one more time with a new shit excuse hope it sounds better this time, nobody to hug, you (WHO?) put all those faces in my head…faces I don’t care about… And then you blame me and  deem that I cannot LOVE.






Nu uita!


Ajuta Google sa respecte legea, 













Thank you for your support, listening & not misunderstanding me, in case that applies 2 U.

Sarbatori fericite, de tot felul ❤️

[a nu se intelege gresit, nu inseamna ca sunt de acord sau imi pasa, doar ca nu stiu ce sarbatoriti si nu vreau sa va jignesc, ok? Prin faptul ca nu imi pasa, problema, daca e vreuna, nu e la mine!]

Categorized as stuff

M-am semnat odata Moartea, pe peretele de langa lift.

M-am semnat odata Moartea, pe peretele de langa lift. Si nu avea nimic de-a face cu vre-un inceput de link, d-ala care se pune la browser in bara… *Sigh*.. Ce a inseamnat pentru mine? nu ca aia e solutia mea, si nu era nici o reverenta (si atat)… Si nu eram eu Perfect Pet (sau doar atat…). Am crescut, si cuvantul Dark inca inseamna acelasi lucru pentru mine despite all thrash that passed me by. And when I say thrash in context I mean bad people shit personalities. This shit with controlled perception.. the thin line (limit) of.. WHAT SOUNDS GOOD…. SHIT, ALL, if you ask me, haven’t seen it applied ONCE, collectively speaking. So? 😛

Most of this blog post I made using speech to text on my phone, mailed the text, copy pasted it here, and made edits so that it makes sense. Apologies for weird phonetics.
Testing testing testing testing. So I’m recording this because I’m too lazy to type and I want to post something on my blog. Many years ago I used to like a website .uk it was named Sorceress Products I found it because of something I’ve seen on eBay. The lady that owned that website also posted eBay auctions from time to time. So I ordered from her a few times and I had quite a collection of rollerball perfumes.

I was always fascinated by the magnificent world of perfumery and this love of mine has too little to do with the legends about the sense of smell and and scents and memories ~ things like that some old ones I really don’t like.
Perfumes had very nice labels, cute names and colorful descriptions on the website I could easily search by keywords and find what I was looking for. There were some cheaper ones with apparently fewer flavors and some more expensive but not too expensive anyway which had added pheromones –  this was not a selling point for me, I never took that part seriously anyway. The collection of perfumes containing pheromones had deeper notes more intense smells
~ one of my favorites was called snake elixir, I remember from the description vanilla and sugar stroked with spices  – sounds so sexy now that I think about it however back then I only found it cute.
I thought to myself hey this is surely dupe for that famous perfume oil from the US that I can’t afford to order because shipping is like 3 times the price of products I would buy. Wearing those perfumes on my skin felt awesome during summertime, the warmth of my skin made me enjoy wearing them and walking around town, and in the winter time I rubbed them on scarves or on my palms/neck and then on the scarf and enjoyed them that way. At some point I threw them all away.
Anyway I really liked that company (SP) and ordered from them soap and other things as well it was one of the first stores that I ordered stuff from online along with Manic Panic. I’m not sure my BUyingthingSfromthe internet adventures have any relevance whatsoever. I don’t feel like I have things to learn from that still, and whatever nostalgia arises, I don’t know… It’s weird, it’s not just somebody surviving something, somebody surviving something…
Weird, what I encountered earlier: I was thinking about the memory which was resurfaced in my mind a few days ago and I can’t remember exactly what I want to think about when it comes to that memory ~  feelings of appreciation and love – not that much – it wasn’t something that important from my past, it was just a thing that from what I recall my grandparents used to have. Something made of coloured plastic to make ice cubes but it wasn’t like a regular tray (or bag). Irrelevant. It has been brought to my attention that when I have such feelings in my mind it’s survival of some sorts however I do not understand of who how why and why it matters, because I feel instinctually like Hey that’s your end goal, well surely that’s not the only way to achieve it, right?. Masked pesterness.
Honestly right now I don’t know what to post more on the blog give me ideas if you want me to 2-post about anything. I don’t know what to say or think about my copy the other woman whatever. I’m deeply saddened by many things since I would never be a woman for something that is as stupid as that confused thing over there.

Then blue pours over me and Whispers me be kind be kind be kind be understanding, they’re controlled, they’re controlled {their control their control} ~ it’s not their genuine instinct or will to react that way or show you those things but… I’m looking at porn on YouTube and I’m crying and nothing in this world is consoling me, and I don’t feel like saying hey why would I care, no. I am just a seeker, I want to understand and sometimes I’m held responsible for that one thing I’m not understanding enough while I’m doing the exact thing trying to understand. If I look at the words alone if I see them as strict limited things, of course I’m wrong. Because every word is wrong right? Could be would be should be made by ???

Never seen anyone holding that shit responsible and it’s not just death and decay. This is another topic that people don’t want to hear about because highly controversial and….
Looking back I can’t believe the amount of pain and here I mean physical pain which seems odd because like I previously mentioned it’s like nothing that makes sense anatomically –  physiologically speaking because I know myself that way from what I’ve learnt and if what I’ve learnt was wrong nobody really explained me. 😉 ~ All I see is: this lie or that lie and advantage to people over others, nothing like genuine look girl this is how things are It’s just just your nothing and your life ends there which is of course not true because in this whole story you would not exist without me. I still don’t understand what that means completely.
I reached a point in which I refrain, I abstain from thinking, because my thought frequencies are interfered by things which I don’t want to name because I don’t know what they are and I don’t want to blame because I don’t know who they are.
It hurts a lot and from my point of view prevents any true psychic advancement for me or serious  communication between seekers that reach certain frequencies on their own (hermits?). For me being a hermit always meant like, being with myself, away from annoying individuals ~ it was never my fault for not finding a true peer group but this lie that I’ve always swimmed in and learnt to call life.
Even if I didn’t do it for a short while I’m very very sad because I already started getting pains because I didn’t masturbate or I didn’t do this or I didn’t do that, not to mention the mental pains of getting aroused figuratively from watching certain stuff on YouTube which is very unlikely to how I am when I interact with the outside world.
I’ve found the point where every rational thought is wrong and I do not like that because I know life is not like this, not not meant to be like this, not like this,punct.
A nu se intelege gresit:{So I have nothing still to truly really involve in – I have lots of things to do but I never agreed to make those ‘lists’ to begin with! I embraced certain things but… I am always getting the car hints which I never agreed with – not one year ago while I was doing mostly the same things I’m doing right now being in pain masturbating or trying to take a break from it all and figuring out how not to be in pain the beings that I talked with – it’s the same even if it’s worse but it’s the same because I’m the same that I was more than 10 years ago and nobody gave a f*** to truly talk back then so it’s the same thing right now it’s just a different medium but it doesn’t matter anyway because the steps that we are taking are just a waste of time what are you in your time, in my time I’m trying to figure out what the fuck.}
I’m knowing that I’m wrong no matter what I think and that restricts anything natural.
I don’t like this pic of my eyes, and I got a hint that somebody likes it, my first thought was, I don’t like you (him), and then I saw the letter W, thought about West, and realized I didn’t learn much about this topic but the myths about East West when it comes to spirituality, or Western vs Eastern EU stuff as I was growing up/teen.
I’m sure the true meaning of W is something different, a [ _ _ _ _ _ ] in which I’d find interesting things, sure, but I still wouldn’t like him, and I have no idea who he is. I still don’t know why I’m pestered with this on the psychic telephone. Nu am angajamente clare luate cu sau fatza de, si e ca o urmarire care nu ma intereseaza, si nu ma va interesa niciodata. De ce spun asta? Nu stiu sigur, pentru ca mie imi place ALTCEVA, si nimeni se pare ca nu m-a citit corect cand vine vba de asta, sau cine stie nu vorbeste, as usual with stuff that could make a difference.

Auzind zgomote de la vecini nu inseamna ca cineva vorbeste. Gresesc. Cineva a scos un sunet, nu? Automat sa cred ca avea ceva sa imi spuna = gresala. Hai s-o testam iar pe proasta, iar, gresala (unhealthy thought). So… Scuze Scuze Scuze Scuze excremente si multe Xuri care nu satisfac pe nimeni cu adevarat, NU sunt parcata. Multumesc pentru intelegere.

]-[ello friend, or shit excuse for not talking properly to me?
I get it.
You have a family to feed.
But not like Laura ever got to see a family and not because of her weird childhood circumstances but BECAUSE IT’S NOT ABOUT FLESH SUITS AND SHE IS IN ONE.
When did you stop being a … _whatyouwereforme_ ? How did it feel like? Do you remember what happened? I find this fascinating. Don’t tell me to Orgasm again so I have the right to get more info, or just get there and Ill show you, because I haven’t enjoyed it in this way ONCE. {All lies on this topic, everywhere} I KNOW that not by reaching an orgasm I’ll gain the understandment I seek. Come means so many things. I’m not masturbating when I’m walking.
The power of 5
Arousal vs Aroused
Where Versus is not really versus.
Nobody that TALKS is right here.
(So why would I speak to you more about what I truly feel about stuff?)
Bad memories is not food.
Categorized as stuff



O camasa de noapte gri 🐑 vs. o pijama albastra.
Snek food.
My food.
Deftones – To have and to hold

Cand am deschis site-ul, inainte sa citesc titlurile, ziceam in sinea mea: Nu pot sa ma gandesc la tine daca nu stiu cum arati. 
Nu inseamna mare lucru gandul asta considerand ce atitudine am fatza de costumele de carne si cate neclaritati am in legatura cu faces from memories, that meant this or that for me…
Categorized as stuff


Placebo, see you at the bitter end, a very dear song of mine.
Linkin Park – In the end LYRICS.
It starts with
One thing, I don’t know why
It doesn’t even matter how hard you try
Keep that in mind
I designed this rhyme to explain in due time
All I know
Time is a valuable thing
Watch it fly by as the pendulum swings
Watch it count down to the end of the day
The clock ticks life away
It’s so unreal
Didn’t look out below
Watch the time go right out the window
Trying to hold on, but didn’t even know
I wasted it all just to watch you go
I kept everything inside
And even though I tried, it all fell apart
What it meant to me will eventually be a memory of a time when
I tried so hard and got so far
But in the end, it doesn’t even matter
I had to fall to lose it all
But in the end, it doesn’t even matter
One thing, I don’t know why
It doesn’t even matter how hard you try
Keep that in mind
I designed this rhyme to remind myself how I tried so hard
In spite of the way you were mocking me
Acting like I was part of your property
Remembering all the times you fought with me
I’m surprised it got so far
Things aren’t the way they were before
You wouldn’t even recognize me anymore
Not that you knew me back then
But it all comes back to me in the end
You kept everything inside
And even though I tried, it all fell apart
What it meant to me will eventually be a memory of a time when
I tried so hard and got so far
But in the end, it doesn’t even matter
I had to fall to lose it all
But in the end, it doesn’t even matter
I’ve put my trust in you
Pushed as far as I can go
For all this, there’s only one thing you should know
I’ve put my trust in you
Pushed as far as I can go
For all this, there’s only one thing you should know
I tried so hard and got so far
But in the end, it doesn’t even matter
I had to fall to lose it all
But in the end, it doesn’t even matter

Playlist with orgasms:



I dreamed something weird, a guy that I kissed on the cheeks & forehead even though he approached Me to get kissed on the lips… Told me something like… Don’t you wanna get to deal with the real ones, not the made up ones? He was speaking about something akin to Masons..
I said, sad: They are all made up by their STUPID MOTHERS.
Then I remember writing with black ink, My life is full of lies. Then, I woke up, hearing the ticking of the clock at a weird pace.
Be well!


I masturbate, talk & have 2 orgasms:

 In continuare, nu am nici un prieten si toti invizibilii cu care vb de se fac vizibii in moduri stranii incomplete si nu pot medita asupra completitudinii lor pentru ca


nu stiu cine

alege sa


in continuare


Nimeni nu face nimic.

Nimeni nu e fericit.

Nimeni nu isi da drumul in nici o gaura ca apoi sa se bucure de feelingul reliefului si sa isi imagineze fantezii traindu-le (apoi? =)) ) in REAL TIME.




N-o sa ma fut niciodata cu nimeni in vazul tuturor. Sa mai spun cat de gresite sunt…Ce sunt?? Tentatii tentative tendinte CE? ALE unora? LOL

Nu. E altceva ce nu poate fi organizat corespunzator in cuvinte, aici, pe blog.


I’ve been eating people again.
Pretty. What?! What does THIS have to do with orgasms?
Pretty art on a tree ~ could pass as nothing but I’m desperate, right?
Sardonyx eye ♥
Data trecuta aveai gust de ananas.
 Lasand insultele la o parte, nu era o insulta. Incerc sa imi dau seama de ce conteaza toate kkturile pe lumea in care traiesc, si nu, nu ma iau de cei ce alcatuiesc imaginea din imagine cand spun asta. Ceva, ceva, a dus acolo. Si nu un BETA (Pentru ca nu exista Alfa autentic, nu are cum sa existe nici BETA) ~ *sigh*

M-am saturat sa tot fug.

Nu am de ce (de cine)

Nu am unde.

Nu am… Nimic.

Tot ce am e imprumutat si poate ca e altceva ce nu vad eu oricum 🙂

—-SAD: Am inceput sa primesc sugestii sa ma sinucid, de preferabil aruncandu-ma de la fereastra. Nu trag pe nimeni la raspundere spunand asta, apropo. Nici eu nu stiu cine mi-a propus asa ceva, dar tot aud la “psychic telephone”. Ori sa ma sinucid, ori sa asasinez pe cineva ca sa merg la inchisoare (dubiosenii in combobulatie, demistificarea iluziei? Parerea mea: Nu) ~ Am intrebat: daca vrei sa ‘mor’, de ce nu ma ‘iei’ in somn? Apoi, am auzit… Pentru ca aia nu ar fi o alegere. Si am spus, pai nici daca ma sinucid la ‘sfat’ nu e o alegere. O alegere ar fi fost, gen, acum cativa ani, cand tot ii spuneam cuiva ca vreau sa ma sinucid, nu neaparat din teribilism, nici ca sa atrag atentia, nici ca sa ii testez reactiile. O combinatie a tuturor partilor bune. Si atunci da, am ales, nu m-am sinucis… Nu cred ca prin sinucidere ajung Acasa.

Citez din jurnal: “I’m not scared/fearful But smth isn’t right abt this… Taking my own life = bad, not? HOW? I do not belong to the religion I was baptized <into> (HEARD STORIES FFS!) – No? Family? I decided long time ago…Becut…Be cut…(me)…:(. Thank you for…whatever..At times I feel some “help”.”


Thanks for reading / whatever.

Categorized as stuff