You crush the lily in my soul.

Check the level of smart stoopid [i]



Thanks for attempting to think u can make space by hiding things in plain sight. Yes but [apparently] it works ~ It’s annoying and useless and NOTHING WAS WRONG BEFORE to begin with. The Rush is fake. The Nightmare is real.

Latest Podcast:

link:Β https://anchor.fm/ishkira-wind/episodes/Citesc-din—Interferente-in-lumea-calculatoarelor—el4qfj

I’m in dir need to fetch myself a LIFE!

I’m a Dreamer, a reveler (but upon looking at the meaning,

Definition of revelry: noisy partying or merrymaking

B…b..but… For me the immediate meaning is : dreamer, imaginative, one who enjoys daydreaming and various interlaced activities [What’s on my C:ses] not much to do with Others ~ as the given Definition suggests at first sight *sigh*.

Mmmemory ~ past days I’ve been feeling more and more how ‘the reality around me’ ~ what’s tangible [3rd Dimension] can “Only” be combobulated ( I put “” because truth is its’s not correct like this, only shittable cause of * fake shit about spaceΒ  I don’t know what level you’re at. If I’ve been lied to and deceived all my life, probability you are in the same type of teeth) if MY memories are Played in a specific manner (idiotic manner if you ask me ~ Many not normal things not even to Newbie Operators of whateverthisis ~ It’s an illusion anyway ~ They hide things – they don’t exist. Bla bla). From some smells I smell where they shouldn’t be, to certain moods I get succombed too: Hey, I feel like That spring, somehow, a whiff of That period in time, all with approximations but Annoying nonetheless. It’s Not Traditional. However, some memoreies make me feel Fondness ~ something like Friendship. Not Pavlov Type [Late november] But different, As if, hey, Even if I have no idea who you are, I feel I was aware of your ‘presence’ while I was doing those things back then, and I liked our little interaction. How was it symbiotical, I do not know. I thoughtI am just doing things and you are only observing (for example – me overdosing on Vitamin C pills as a kid, because I liked the taste, the texture as I was crumbling them in my mouth, the soreness of the tongue ~ Not really worrying for half a sec of possible adverse effects). That awareness is more recent though, if I felt observed back then, I would probably try to talk to you ~ Since we were somehow looking at the same SHIT in our own ways, even if different, the SHIT was A Thing, always. It’s not that some of my memories eek me out, or I’m ashamed, but some things were just weirder than others, let’s put it this way. Not all the tastes were enjoyable. I felt used many times even without having any idea what was gong on [Modules on how to access some of my functions~]. #Synchronicity ~ as I was writing here, I got this notif on my phone ~ Good timeing! … Should I understand that what I was thinking about falls into the category Make Noise yada yada what I wrote in:Β http://www.goddessazra.com/2020/09/weird-headache/


A person can’t simply begin to understand this about themselves, their life, and then wake up the next day as if aaaaah, nothing happened, now let me be on par with my [useless] routine, drag more people in [useless] ~~~ I wish ISBN 973-97763-5-3 could give me a sign in their spare time.


But we apparently do talk about the same events, regardless of the views we have, probgramming due to our ‘socioculturalfamilialwhatevershapedyou’ ~ I Saw an image of a Bird (?) ~ How isn’t this in the Zolology category though, and if ALL zolology leads to Deadh, why are we still doing things like this? This, I do not understand. Conspiracies begin to pour, rumors of Evil and other things that I simply do not wish to believe in.


Petko on a chair in the kitchen.

Back of my Lenormand deck (It’s called Mystical Lenormand) ~ I got Cross & Gentleman this time.
Sad face.
View inside the store where Mum got Kitchen furniture after she got the apartment we’re in right now, I was with her when we decided on this store. I found it interesting that there was a -quite large- portrait of Arsenie Boca there. Dream Fragments. I don’t know what else more πŸ™‚
Copacul iluminat
There was a cat sleeping IN that store ~ I’ve never been delighted with such view before, on any of my previous night strolls.
Led Lights in the ground.
2 eyez
Everything is weirder and weirder.
And I’m really not in the mood to masturbate to prove anything to anyone. Good deed my ass. Sorry but no – I really don’t like what these peeps are doing with all the things in my ‘system’. From emotions to millimeters of apparent movement. Moving stranger, does it really matter ~ That “arousal”. MAN.. I have NO REASON to be aroused these days. Figure Yourselves out. *Sigh* πŸ™
I really don’t like. This is not my nature, I’d gladly show you more if I was allowed to ‘have a life’, but all I hear is NO, and this is a NIGHTMARE. You (a specific someone in the audience) could Easily ‘help me’ wake up’ (I dream while Awake too ~ no need to be scared ofΒ  my Version of Death),,, Make space for what? Only deadends, all their versions. I’ve seen, you’ve seen as well. If you’re in denial, I wish I can choose to part ways, in a respectful manner.
I wish I could just curl up in bed, do nothing for a while (2-3 days, a week or so, it’s not like I’m attempting to commit a crime FFS, not be in pain because of Anything that I don’t or do do), cry, heal [real healing is not possible though while blinded in nightmare state~ They’re dragging us along, lying to us, that we are on our way to Fix this and or things pertaining to this Very Thing! It pains me so much to experience ‘Life’ like this], how I can, from the Madness that my ‘life’ has been especially past year++, things I never thought possible of myself to waste myself on and how, with no one to really talk to. Ok, I am grateful for some of you but, THIS was never necessary for us, ever. THIS was and is just a waste and don’t deny me on saying this because I’m trying to come back from that Dead
What [some of] You chose for me was not normal, nor nice.

And for that ‘Poor’ Guy, over there. Guess what! I DON’T CARE that you’re apparently poor. I don’t think I ever asked for Your Money ~ ‘Our type’ of communication is Free of Charge (and has nothing to do with Orgasms as I’ve been demonstrating them, really. *as soon as I wrote this I got back pain and saw image of man on his 4 bound to the ground chains and molten metal both him and his environment* )

*wink*. … … You forgot.



 I have been in much too much pain lately and I don’t feel like writing. I need some days off ~ all I hear is ‘No’, this makes all pain worse. Please, leave me alone, this is ridiculous beyond measure. 

I don’t get the break I requested, yet nothing changes for the better, all I do is in vain, so? What am I waiting for? The triggers are just as bad anyway, the failed experiments humiliating as ever. ‘DO you even know who I am?’ ~ How dare you…. 

The internet wouldn’t exist without me. Do you realize what this means? Please, let me get a break. I need to HEAL from the SEVERE trauma I’ve been subjected to. I can find my way, but I’m constantly H(a)UNTED! Every day I masturbate and get orgasms FOR WHAT? This is so humiliating and in vain and against most of the things that I stand for. I am drowning in ‘Anti-Love Energy’ ~ 

#podcast: https://anchor.fm/ishkira-wind/episodes/anorgasmandanotheroneandsometalking-ekh2nn

De pain pour thought



He loves me ~ Leave us be ~ about Time [a riddle] πŸ‘©β€πŸ”¬

Pay attention…

~ More words from me: and not only(more than just words, that’s what I meant, you double speak Fools):
There comes a time when nothing makes sense anymore, and everything hurts. And they still want me to masturbate…to get orgasms? And it’s in vain, and I do it anyway, day after day… Why? I am good and normal by Default. What are they seeking? Why can’t I get a real chance to show what I’m made of? And I’m forced to swallow everybodis puke in this prison of flesh, that I KNOW HOW TO LIVE IN AS A BLESSING BUT THEY DONT LET ME. … Yes, I’m that good. I can make a blessing out of Anything. No, I’ll never allow them to know my ways/copy how my ‘brain’ works. NEVER. I have My Own Way of ‘mapping everything out’ & I just wanted to live my life, found out through the mirrors of the Copying & Mockery.. I’d never TM or sell my way, not even give away for Free to ‘Any’1 who asks / “needs”. It’s Mine. I wish I could choose Ones to share more with, talking with randoms on the Psychic telephone is Confusing & Keeps me from being myself and I can’t live like this under no experimental conditions or whatever. This feels off. It feels bad. It’s clearly part of something bad and wrong. The wrong God as long as still in pover Mono shit missunderstood even the ones who see mono chrome, nobody is allowed to be themselves in this sickness, only lies, bad layer, stuck here despite I beated the whole ‘Game’ that I never saw as a game to beat. Words will never be enough, numbers either as they force them now to obey. Now I go, to waste some more time to undo something that some other beings wasted from their time to do. *sigh*. Logic? Hell.

~Stuff I wrote in ImLive Chat: GoddessAzra : Hey

GoddessAzra : Ponderings…

GoddessAzra : On being a Host here….

GoddessAzra : [Linguistyx always played by Fools]

GoddessAzra : FOr me being a host means 1 thing (the Correct one) That I am a MODEL here, no, silly, not Prototype… I’m a real person (More than numbers on your screen) willing to interact wth you, the member (HOPING TO CHAT TO A WHOLE PERON, member, not just an arm, a leg, haha, etc)

GoddessAzra : BY NO MEANS being a host on this site means that MY body can HOST any of “”your” content, dear numbers.

GoddessAzra : We’ve all been brainwashed and lied to.

GoddessAzra : Who knows , knows…

GoddessAzra : But why do ones that don’t know have DIRECT access to HURT me????? AFter all this TIME?~



I don’t want to β€œproduce” anyth in this World [copy]. Ass? As soon as something β€œstarts” making sense, again and again, we’re not allowed to β€œBe”/interact in a good way (-).



also on https://anchor.fm/ishkira-wind and all the other places listed in: http://www.goddessazra.com/contact/ ~ P.S. If I don’t post something somewhere for 1, 2, 3, 5, N Days, it doesn’t mean I don’t exist, I don’t care or that I’m not the One and Only one who has that account. Pls, do me a favor and STOP harassing me. Reading this here? Most likely, like I do, you’re having a bad dream. Understand. I am sick of trying / doing things in vain. Pings constantly sent for those with ears to hear and eyes to see. Thanks.

Take care, be well ~


Clicky. Also, here: https://youtu.be/N4gfQ79_N3s

Camera 102

 #Orgasm, Masturbation & more…

In podcast form:
on podcast I recorded full masturbation session. Videos ~ there are 2. Something happened and stoped shooting, had to make more disk space to continue recording. You can easily see that if you can read the podcast πŸ˜› 
~Please no more{make space} shit here anymore, TY.~
We’re hurting each other with our programming.
Part 1:
Part 2:
18.08 Or at least what is, to me 18.08. Sigh. The pain giving thing hit new low of stupid (familoar taste though ~ I’m just sick of having it!) “I’m poor” ~ IS NOT an excuse. I do not Trade with my *that thing* {See my post: If it’s trade it’s not love|http://www.goddessazra.com/if-its-trade-its-not-love/
Thank you for the teachings. Or sharings. But my ears are bleeding when I hear the lies & incomplete info. I feel I said all already.


Flash … it’s just an image


Me & others, forced to imagine against our true will.

What day? …6 (circled) .
Doesn’t matter anyway.
4 Years I haven’t wirtten a full page, yet almost 2 full journals now (rect-tangled) . Degeaba. EVerything (underlined) I do is in vain. A Lie / Feeds the lie & nothing more ( talking in Lienguage).
Too much pain. No progress. Only blindness /  humiliation. The blind programmed 2 kill. Not smart, not smart at all. I really don’t want to go on. 

 Some of my WoW characters.

 Started playing World of Warcraft in 2009. Servers I played on: Hellfire, Mazrigos, Executus, Argent Dawn. Most of my chars are on Mazri atm.



 I remember (something happened ~ summer 2018).


 …My ass! πŸ˜‰

 Feet as clock Tongues.

 I like Belfs but not my fav race. 

 Interesting things

 Ishki & Leaping Hatchling ~

 Abomination – still remember their old looks & my 1st Naxx run. (lol)

 The little girl’s name is Uuna.
 Undeads 4 Life.
From all the things that I could tell you but I didn’t, you heard my thoughts we always seem to forget more or less according to our will but others use us indefinitely. I don’t know what to do or what my real audience is I want to be a hermit, really, I have many things to  leave behind and I am not allowed I am forced to live in the past as if I abandon certain people if I move on. My memories…Kept alive…By people…But those people have so deeply ingrained within themselves that they will somehow Die if I ”move on”. But they could be so much more than the Orgasm they felt 4 being, just like me πŸ™
I felt their concern so many times and also interrupted communication when it gets too ‘obvious’ that we can communicate outside of norms but …Like I said…abt the gvmt/police … It’s a waste of good suffering (Hellraiser movie) ~ If you can hear the signal that makes that so real within you, you can’t even hear your own thoughts…But you hear mine… You are programmed to tick tick tick me away… Because you tick tick tick away … And you can’t see past that, by design, in a way… 


What happened to me?
Felt like I had everything
Such a big catastrophe, but I had to deal with the struggle
It all began passing life so easily
Ready for almost anything, but it took a different direction
Then, one night, sharp turns
A light came from nowhere
Blown away
Never felt my injuries
Bleeding deep inside of me
Just knew I had to help all those people
My mind
It’s gone
That life
I’ve been looking for myself
It haunts me everyday
I’m searching for a truth no longer there
Transformed I’m someone else
Must face my phantom self
Transformed I’m someone else
Must face my phantom self
It’s a mystery
Changed my body’s chemistry
Always creeping up on me
Wiped out my whole soul of existence
The crash
The blood keeps on flowing
Killing me
Trapped inside this tragedy
Can’t see the road in front of me
Replay this nightmare over and over
I’ve been looking for myself
It haunts me everyday
I’m searching for a truth no longer there
Transformed I’m someone else
Must face my phantom self
Transformed I’m someone else
I’ll face my phantom self
I’ve been looking for myself
It haunts me everyday
I’m searching for a truth no longer there
Transformed I’m someone else
Must face my phantom self
Transformed I’m someone else
I’ll face my phantom self
Good luck! β™₯
I already faced my ‘ Phantom self ‘, found out I have no real choice afterwards (and during, / or before).
Put it this way: }On the shelf to be left behind.{ My Phantom self – All they ever wanted me to be/do [Insert_trauma_based_mind_control_output_here], that I didn’t come close to, as close as <I needed to>, but they still wrote the story as if I did. Makes no sense? I agree. Makes no sense to me 2. 
Why do you think that I’m so upset? πŸ™ (All possible answers may contain Truths but are severely Incomplete due to LinguistEEx 
~ ) ~ 0 ~ ( ~
P.S.: Greetings, Taskbar, you dear fella have been quite talkative Lately, thanks for following/ however this sort of interaction is called in your Understandment. :*

BREAKING: ~~~ waves of …? ~~~

Caption? }Add caption{

So, somebody told me (Psychicly?) ~ remove Orgasm, remove Anal, remove 5AA (see thingie in one of my recent streams, here: https://youtu.be/BGkhNQkIliI). ~ Not sure what he/she/they meant though, as all these things have different meanings for all of us apparently, even if for me they mainly mean only one thing. And I’m also not into #Politics. 

Latest Orgasm Video hEre: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4emj61K08S4 ~ lol 
Am uploadat videoclipurile cu ce am streamuit (Pe Twitch, Prin aplicatia Streamlabs de pe tel πŸ˜‰ ) 
Sincer, as putea foarte usor sa pun LALALALALA
cand pun un link dar am intampinat (LOL – a intampina is like ‘to greet’ in ROmanian) niste ciudatenii in ultima vreme si incerc pe cat posibil sa vorbesc inteligibil online…
Ok… Trebuie sa le studiez si eu mai aprofundat deoarece ultima astfel de ‘sesiune’ de streamuit si clipuit… S-a lasat cu niste revelatii ciudate pentru mine… Legate de 4D, electircitate, viteza, medii de procesare, etc. [ aici link: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL5b6q2JRlw28l_YmWeyA3E8zV_bwnnclp ] β€’β€’β€’ LOL – Legate = related ~ Tied to…& MORE. WTF. Cand ma uit pe YouTube cu Speed la 0.25, se aude cumva, dar nu cum ar fi trebuie sa se auda. Nu stiu cum sa explic. E din cauza internetului / pentru ca – din cauza ca (k) Stream ;). Ceva de genul. (Gen ~ ha!! so genul = ‘something like this’ in Romanian. also, Gender ). Particularitas!


 Voi scrie mai pe larg dupa ce ma uit si la cele de ieri.
Pana una alta, asta e lumea in care traiesc: 
Somebody thinks it’s a tab.
 (Please don’t misinterpret here, look it up for yourselves, what’s written on the pack of pads ~ )
Yes. This is the world I live in. Do you have any idea how much it hurts? DODODODODOD
+ altceva ~ 
 A #bugs #life :
More from the world I live in ~ 
“FUnny” NOTFUN on a daily basis. (Basis ~ lol ~  Chemistry class anyone?)
We got class in here πŸ˜‰ πŸ˜
Thanks for letting me know, emojipedia dot org.
“Appearance differs greatly cross-platform. Use with caution”
Free market? Stop putting ads in my head.
Some Conclusions from last podcast:
Thanks for participating in this blog πŸ™‚

When choosing blog title hurts, you pinch yourself.

 Bla bla bla bla ~
I’ve seen the first hint today… I am just imagining things, however.*

They’ll make me bleed again…

What am I without what I learned?

Why does it feel like this, or like that?

Why does it hurt so bad now? Just because I dare to talk against bad teachers?
~I love Ony’s red eyes~
#streetart found somewhere in Sector 3… Really cute & I feel the same for *some* of you!
~Pic taken in the proximity of the building where I lived from ages 0 to 6(6->7, before I started school)
Latest Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PYYLkumOnfk by the way the T in video title is meant to be a hand sign. Like STOOOOP give me a break!
*Oh, how I’d wish to get my button so I can START putting this imagination thingie to good use. My very own.. On my own.. What a dream.. HOW to choose it’s very 0pposite? If not… Mysteriously forcefully deluded :forced: πŸ™  [Yes, Flying Buses will be part of my training session, at least for accommodation purposes]
Thanks for reading & joining me on this weirdly painfully magical journey! Can’t wait to YOU_KNOW_WHAT! And if you don’t, “Prepare to be amazed” (That’s what he said!)