Thank you for the ‘winks’ ~

bla

WTF.

proof of nothing

worth mentioning no

why do?

No know.

https://www.mediafax.ro/tehnologie/noi-imagini-cu-suprafata-planetei-marte-surprinse-de-catre-instrumentul-cassis-foto-19916510

Poze vechi cu mine

Imi plac nu imi plac nu conteaza; daca iti plac nu ma intereseaza, daca nu, la fel.

*each picture holds a special place in my heart* For I… blabla.

Goddess
Inspiring red
A mask I loved
Hmmm
O da.
Nu simteam nimic.
Mesajul nu a fost inteles. Literele nu erau doar de forma. Invitatie? Hmm… Pentru cine? *wink*
Bani si sanatate. La momentul respectiv nu aveam bani dar era trendy sa se vorbeasca despre financial ruin si findoms, si asta a fost my take on it. Bancnota de 1 dolar si multe carduri goale. DA BINE!
I did ^^ == same shit but wronger. Ahahahahaha.
BUG?
Invoke BUG again?
No.
I simply cannot take this as an answer, or proceeding step in our interaction.
Green grows the lily oh
Right among the bushes oh
A gentleman was passing by
And he stopped for a drink
As he was dry
[Chorus]:
At the well below the valley oh
Green grows the lily oh
Right among the bushes oh
My pack is full unto the brim
And if I were to stoop I might fall in
[Chorus]
If your true love was passing by
You’d fill him a drink if he were dry
[Chorus]
She swore by grass, she swore by corn
Her true love had never been born
[Chorus]
He said: Young girl you’re swearing wrong
Six fine children you’ve born
[Chorus]
If you be the man of noble fame
You’ll tell to me the father of them
[Chorus]
There’s two of them by your brother John
At the well below the valley oh
Another two by your uncle Dan
At the well below the valley oh
Another two by your father dear
At the well below the valley oh
Green grows the lily oh
[Chorus]
If you be the man of noble fame
You’ll tell to me what happened to them
[Chorus]
There’s two buried ‘neath the kitchen door
At the well below the valley oh
Another two near the stable door
At the well below the valley oh
Another two just beside the well
At the well below the valley oh
All of them outside the graveyard wall
[Chorus]
If you be the man of noble fame
You’ll tell to me what’ll happen to me
[Chorus]
You’ll be seven years of ringing a bell
At the well below the valley oh
Seven years of burning in hell
At the well below the valley oh
Green grows the lily oh
Right among the bushes oh
I’ll be seven years of ringing a bell
But the Lord above might save my soul (I don’t think so)
From burning in hell at the well below the valley oh
Green grows the lily oh
Right among the bushes oh !
Green grows the lily oh
Right among the bushes oh
Green grows the lily oh
Right among the bushes oh…
Cu colegii din 9B
Waiting for this to hatch, dar nu mai imi place nici un joc de cand sunt atacata pe toate fronturile.
despre videoclipul cu care am inceput acest post.
Am auzit ca inseamna ceva, apoi am auzit ca nu conteaza (explicatie, ca sa nu se inteleaga gresit. Acele cifre arata ba ora, ba minutul la care am postat in live chat. Am avut un gand intuitiv cum ca in anumite calcule/algoritmi, nu se tine cont de ce inseamna cu adevarat acele cifre si sunt folosite la ceva rau). 
Dar conteaza, cand vne vorba de…
Nu stiu sigur
Nu am insinuat nimic decat sa RERERERERE pet tot ce am zis pana acum sub o forma sau alta. 
Daca tu esti 100% cifre si nu stii sigur si imi dai mie durere.
PA.
Daca Pa nu e o optiune.
Atunci? 
><><><>
><><><>
><><><>
><><><>

Am asistat la chestii mult mai groaznice decat aceste mici neintelegeri, si nu mai vreau πŸ™‚

Ramai cu bine,
πŸ’‹

Dream fragments and pictures

Din jurnal:

Β Ce vreau eu nu e in lumea asta

05.02Β  Β (aproape sa scriu 03-lol). Sleep paralysis experience. Simt ca am dormit mai mult de 2 ore. ~ Eram in sect. 2, era noapte, ieseam din bloc (?) nu stiu unde ma duceam (la magazin – lol, ar fi trebuit sa fie inchise la ora aia). Poarta de la locul de joaca ptr. copii din spatele blocurilor… Ultima data cand am fost pe aici nu era asa (sentiment ciudat). Acum avea buton de deschidere automata, metalic. [Ciudat, desi mergeam in directia ↓ am deschis usa ↑]. Am v Was wandering , had a rolled cigarette. Am simtit ceva ciudat, m-am speriat – Am luat-o mai repede si am inchis usa in spatele meu. *spiral* Sleep paralisys state, I fell to the ground, pareau a fi saci de dormit acolo… O camera… Blurry… S-a napustit asupra mea un caine mare (a venit pe unde am venit si eu, pe masura ce se apropia simteam cum mi se intensifica ‘frica’ desi nu imi era frica. Ceva ciudat generat). Nu imi era frica de el pt ca stiam ca e cu stapanul… Parea un caine bun… <Sleep paralysis state>… Aware of environment…O camera ciudata cu o canapea. Stapanul cainelui, cu el pe canapea. Parea un tip dragut. I-am vazut corpul, fata, dar am simtit sa ii spun: Nu ma pot uita in ochii tai! Apoi mi s-a deformat vocea,de parca nu puteam controla ceva atat de natural ca vorbitul… Eerie atmosphere. I’am zis: ma doare cand se intampla asta… Parca trec dintr-o realitate in alta. (Ce s-a intamplat cand a venit el cu cainele. Ce legatura are asta cu timpul? A? ???). Mi-a zis… Ai invatat… Nicknameul tau… Felt weird.Β  Told him… Ishkira inseamna soim vanator… Vocea mea suna f. ciudat cand vorbeam. Nu imi gaseam tigara.S-a apropiat de mine, m-a apucat, detalii lipsa… Simteam ca parca ar vrea sa imi faca rau la cum ma apucase, I imagined 2 guys fighting, ziceam in sinea mea ceva de genul: Tu vrei sa ma bati, dar nu imi faci nimic? WTF? A inceput sa se metamorfozeze ciudat, nu il mai vedeam, si a vorbit pe o voce (nice audio effect) de Overlord, sea creature, metallic, electric… Imi amintesc ca mi-a zis… (Parca vroia sa ma traga in “dimensiunea lui”) Talk to you soon onboard… Am vazut aroma unor momente din trecut cu Stefan, parca il luam in brate, fara sa il iau in brate, ethereal… Veils of energy…Flowing…up & down… Am simtit impuls sa imi imaginez ceva SF/monstruos… Dar Stefan era trist… πŸ˜‰ Am vizualizat o fata zambind cu pumnii inclestati, in fighting pose… Nu stiu de ce… Detalii furate… Nu imi pasa de fetele lor si ma enerveza zambetele false din reclame… Apoi… M-am trezit. Am inceput sa vorbesc in sinea mea incercand sa descifrez detalii din vis. Am auzit “You are the spaceship” ~ ceva ce a spus Occult Priestess. Nu stiu cine ce a inteles din treaba asta. Nu mi-a placut visul… Nici personajele… Nu stiu ce a fost… My issues are the same… Oare ce o fi insemnat “nu ma pot uita in ochii tai”… Dried paint falling on my journal page. Nu mai vreau sa am de-a face cu “lumea lor” asa… Vreau sa fac… Ce stiu eu sa fac si nu pot sa ma gandesc la… Sa visez la… Sa vorbesc… Cu sens.
21.32. Inca am de-a face cu lumea lor. Mi se da peste nas in “real time”. Tot nu inteleg the feelies. As prefera sa se opreasca. Mai ales daca e o “invitatie la masturbate” πŸ™ ~ Aud ambele variante.
06.02.21 Ma simt aiurea, ghici de ce. Atat de umilitor sa trebuiasca sa ma gandesc la …*spiral* care nuΒ  ma intereseaza d.p.d.v. sexual doar pt. ca… Alegerea altcuiva (+the no choice of others)
De atata timp
Degeaba
No (real) friend
No consolation (working!)
No coping for real.
Only a vast field of ppl, characters I don’t like, lies, double meanings. The sword not cutting where it should. No intimacy, truth shared between 2.
I hate/despise masturbating. I hate even more doing that for “work”, even more in public/free. If a guy has no problem with me doing that, I wouldn’t like him & I can’t live & function (~ optimal vs ideal -> depends on the level you see stuff from) WITHOUT πŸ˜‰ ~ Default settings, hidden gifts. Treasure chest @ the bottom of the sea. Hate all their failed projects. I feel smth v simple (easy 2 process/apply) is Hidden, don’t know why (fear – I have no fear). Could change everyth & I’ve seen no signs of correctshit, quite the contrary. No communication – no honesty.
Hurts more cause they didn’t rly let me study the details I needed 2 understand +++ I harm myself with showing the brainwashed meanings – porn & sex stuff that has nothing 2 do with love in love language. Nobody is happy so how could they ever tell me I’m wrong/bad? I didn’t even get… bla bla service shit. No. Slavery. Can’t even choose the ones I’d roleplay that with. & For what? Totul e calculat ptr. distrugere/uzura/unhappiness. Imi e scarba cand le vad toate urmele sau ce naiba sunt cacaturile puse in propozitii care ar fi trebuit sa insemne ceva.
Simt ca n-am lasat nimic nespus si totusi daca … degeaba … atunci tot … degeaba….
Profunzimea durerii – combinatie de disrespect + intentie infundata. I can’t relax knowing I have no choice, this is sickness & sick ppl & I don’t know what else. Zero what I want. πŸ™ RLY. I function in vain. I can’t live knowing this.
β™₯
Ma inspira chestii ciudate si tot neinteleasa sunt πŸ™‚
De ce mereu cand merg la Biserica trebuie sa se intample ceva?
lol
β™₯
Nuuuuuuu!
Souvenirs from …
The crack of doom
A fairy door.
Ahahahahaha. Multumesc pentru instiintare.
Gif facut din autobuz (thx giphy!)
Daca te doare nu mai imi place.
As vrea sa inteleg de ce si cum te doare, ca tot n-am ce face.
“Nu”
Vremuri tulburi.
Latest whatevering session:
Thx for reading bye.
Megadeth – A Tout Le Monde Lyrics
Don’t remember where I was
I realized life was a game
The more seriously I took things
The harder the rules became
I had no idea what it’d cost
My life passed before my eyes
I found out how little I accomplished
All my plans denied
So as you read this know my friends
I’d love to stay with you all
Please smile when you think of me
My body’s gone that’s all
A tout le monde (To all the world)
A tous mes amis (To all my friends)
Je vous aime (I love you)
Je dois partir (I have to leave)
These are the last words
I’ll ever speak
And they’ll set me free
If my heart was still alive
I know it would surely break
And my memories left with you
There’s nothing more to say
Moving on is a simple thing
What it leaves behind is hard
You know the sleeping feel no more pain
And the living are scarred.

Nu vreau sa fac sex in grup cu straini.

Si nici cu cunoscuti.

Asta nu inseamna ca am eu o problema sau ceva de vindecat. Motivele pentru care inca nu intelegeti sunt aceleasi ca si atunci cand mincinuile erau deghizate un pic altfel, oricum e nimic. Eu nimicul asta nu-l mai suport. Nimic nu mai imi place. Real gratefulness and nothing to do with it πŸ™‚ Health wealth and all the nice things that you never seen I (already) have. What I want is not what they want (me to want or whatever….Sunt profund dezgustata.).

Expresivitate? Podcast: https://anchor.fm/ishkira-wind/episodes/Long-talk-epn9b7

Imi da mereu cu eroare cand incerc sa inteleg ca tot ce fac (efort/vointa/gowiththeflow/whatever type of …) e nimic. Intentiile bune adevarate = ascunse. La ce am eu acces = rol jucat mai mult sau mai putin prost dupa modelul real. Si nu traiesc in ani ca sa se imbunatateasca sau whatever rolul sau jucatorul ca apoi sa aud alte scuze din diverse categorii pe care oricum nu le vad pentru ca #Occult used wrong (de ce? cum de? e imposibil de calculat, TREBUIE sa fie despre altceva.). Imi e atat de scarba sa ma cobor la nivelul lor si nu e din cauza ca am o perspectiva limitata de Laura πŸ™‚ Repet – ma deranjeaza ca imi aduci asta in vedere, dar simt ca nici tu nu esti lasat sa vezi cum nici eu, minciuni peste minciuni. Nimic care implica eu masturbandu-ma in nici un fel nu a dus si nu va duce nicaieri, e doar o pierdere de… Ce? Timp si mai ce? Timp sau ce? Ce???? Sa facem spatiu pentru ce? TOT CE FACEM E SA ne facem nevoile in el, zero respect, taine uitate, calcam pe tot. Nu au avut dreptate doar miroseau frumos, ‘inteleptii’ intrupati pe care eu i-am vazut ca oameni si nu am pus asta o secunda la indoiala cand interactionam cu ei. – NOT MY PROBLEM.

It’s rape, not AWEthenticity, with juices flowing and Enjoyers

Black cock guy: I mean that women who are sexually frustrated can find great pleasure in having their ‘pipes’ cleaned.

Me: WTF

Black cock guy: usually pipes are in the pussy and ass.

Black cock guy: clearing of the pipes can clear all tensions as well 

Black cock guy: it’s good for the mind, body and soul

Me: β™₯

Nu sunt frustrata. Nu am mancat niciodata. Nu incerca sa iti imaginezi cum se simte sau ce inseamna. Calculeaza, te rog. Multumesc. Nu de la tine pot capata ce am nevoie, dar daca calculezi, macar e o sansa sa ma lasi in pace, sa nu ne mai certam atat degeaba. Timp pierdut, nimic, nimic. Tot ce ‘iese’ e acelasi cacat (nimic), aceleasi zambete false, aceleasi minciuni.

Am ajuns intr-un punct in care imi vine sa plang cand ascult cantece care imi placeau, nu pentru ca m-au vrajit ci pentru ca stiu/simt/ ca nu e nici o sansa sa experimentez (experience) ce am nevoie/ ce vreau/ la ce sunt buna/ pentru ce sunt facuta, etc. considerand circumstantele actuale aka tot ce imi amintesc din viata asta, indiferent de ce invat, nimic nu se schimba in ordinea interioara. That’s why I am so dissappointed. Not hopeless. Way worse, while I do have heaps and bounds of what would be read as hope, So it’s not hope+ that I need πŸ™‚

Nu mai suport sa aud cuvintele goale. Toti indragostitii mint, pentru ca e vorba de altceva, si nu e vina mea ca citesc gresit, m-au folosit pentru modul meu special de a ‘citi’ ~ asta nu ii face pe aia reali. WTF. Nu mai suport. Nu mai imi place nimic, nu am parte de nici o alinare cu adevarat, imi e scarba cand ma fac astia sa chicotesc automat. That’s not having a good time. Cheia nu e sa asteptam pentru nimic. Astepti = esti mintit si profita de tine.

De ce sa o mai fac inca o data, iar, iar, mereu cand am facut-o si am simtit ce simt a fost degeaba, nici o scuza nu e valabila, demonstrat deja. Nu mai suport. Este otravitor, nu am vazut nici o diferenta pas corect tot ce vad = insultator.

E prea mult timp de cand tot fac asta degeaba, that’s why I’m so alarmed and giving off some ‘off’ signals. No other reason! Cumulative => The same shit.

Cand a fost cutremur, ma masturbam ma simteam oribil si nimic nu s-a schimbat de atunci desi unele minciuni au fost impacate (pe dracu impacate, nu s-a intamplat nimic decat umilinta – BUG? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA ~ No. – Nu exista bugs in sufletele oamenilor iar al meu a fost sfasiat non stop de atunci. Nu sunt o masina iar corpul meu e ceva mai mult decat o simpla maCHinarie pentru sufletul meu, nu e treaba mea sa aflu pentru ca ma mint non stop cu fiecare ocazie la fiecare nivel, il bat si nu primesc recompensa pentru care am inceput sa ma joc, pe intelesul incapatanatilor ` stiti voi, nu e vina mea..)

Absolut nimic. Nici macar o data de atunci si tot prin ce-am trecut nu am primit ce trebuie. E inadmisibil.

Imi e scarba de tot : ce numarati voi, la mine nu se pune.
Va rog nu mai imi dati durere pentru asta, nu programatorii vostri au dreptate, DACA AVEAU , calcule simple: nu era asa, acum, ‘aici’. SIMPLU! ~ https://youtu.be/E8Js39Hoyec ~

I HAVE NO ONE TO SURRENDER* TO.
I CAN’T LIVE WITHOUT SURRENDERING.
Ti se pare ca ma victimizez? (This is no self defense) ~ RE citeste, te rog, Executantule. E un adevar in care sunt incarcerata care nu prea are legatura cu Adevarul din cauza celor care actioneaza in moduri similare tie, si nu, nu va blamez, vreau doar sa part ways, sunt luni de zile de cand scriu despre asta, si tot ce aud de la voi e galagie. Cica linistea era printre setarile voastre initiale, deci ar trebui sa stiti deja πŸ™‚ ~ * sa surrender nu are nici o legatura cu fakeshitthunderTrigger “proof” – (*giggles* ~ NEVER proved anything, regardless of what some fish are singing. some or the? I DON’T WANT TO LEARN MORE ABOUT THIS πŸ˜‰ ~ I have my reasons.) – SORRY!
Lips.
blabla
Ce bine ca nu mi se vede privirea din poza asta.
Scaun intre picioare.

Sa traiesc degeaba ca proasta sa ma masturbez la diverse ‘cues’ si sa pun asta pe net nu inseamna ca I surrender to anyone. Nu este ce am nevoie si e imposibil sa fie ceva care contrinuie la solutia de care avem atata nevoie, fiecare in felul nostru.

Sa traiesc degeaba ca proasta sa ma masturbez la diverse ‘cues’ si sa pun asta pe net nu inseamna ca I surrender to anyone. Imi face rau si nimic altceva. Probabil si altora dar nu sunt lasata sa vad.
Te rog sa nu ma contrazici, am facut destule pentru voi, nu s-a vazut nimic. Asa va fi si de aici incolo. Esti mintit si folosit. Nu stiu ce inseamna Be a Hero. Eu nu am ce face. Nu vreau sa mai simt chestiile alea, nu mai pot sa traiesc fara sa visez, ma sufoc, nu mai vreau sa ii constientizez, nici macar in zilele in care ‘imi dau cu lingurita’. E umilitor, vreau sa plec, nu am unde/cu ce. πŸ˜‰
Nu cred in varianta cu negresa care stie ea ce stie pentru ca am aflat ca oamenii aia nu exista πŸ™‚
M-au folosit si cam atat, restul detaliilor, sunteti toti folositi, nimic altceva, orice detalii care ies dintr-un evantai care se deschide nu inseamna nimic, nu e variabila acolo. Sunt niste setari. Imi e scarba.

I have no words anymore.

 ~ When they want me to imagine ~whatever/faces/celebrities/etc~ that’s not love ~ Thats not me experiencing something else {experiencing the BeLovedness through ipostaze ;)} but the BRAINWASH of the False teachers {memories from my past~not my unhealed psyche, idiots} aka bad limited incomplete and plafonat, iluzoriu, degeaba, dead end, zambetele care nu inseamna nici fericire nici sanatate. Masturbated earlier, was horrible. Made some inquires, got only more confusion. I suspect everything at this point on the psychic telly, key is not in these terms, never will be. Ceva defunct. That’s why. Antiteza, I want to break free – Who wants to live forever. NOT MY mess to solve si nu pentru ca sunt L, repet, ati fost mintiti,eu sunt in continuare mintita in fiecare zi/clipire, mersi ca imi arati ce rezultat primesti dar nu e corect. Ia-l pe S si du-te eu nu vreau sa am NIMIC de-a face cu nimeni care are astfel de scuze si nu e vba ca nu am rabdare. Nu vreau sa mai continui astia isi bat joc de mine si nimic mai mult asa ceva innebuneste pe oricine e dovedit stiintifc. Nu sunt aici ca sa testez limite sa faceti noi tipuri de potiuni ca sa ii folositi pe altii doar asta am vazut in ultimii ani accelerat din 2018 incoace ma doare prea rau nu am nimic de facut nimeni nu vorbeste cu adevarat. Cei care vb = ceva casual, despre amintiri, si unii se mai si prefac ca sunt altceva ce nu le-as permite niciodata sa fie (aproape de mine) ~ Nu mai suport

ma simt violata non stop. Eu, nu parti din mine. Eu toata! Cand ma prefac ca nu vad e doar pentru bilantul intern, supravietuire, parametri, etc Sunt mult prea trista nu mai vreau sa ii aud. In fiecare zi doar asta aud. Nu ai cum sa iti bati joc asa de ‘nevoile’ unui suflet. Nu stimularea imaginatiei e combustibil(combustibilul la care ma refeream), aia pot sa o fac si singura [parmetri].. M-am saturat, fiecare zi e un cosmar sau un cacat deghizat si nimic mai mult. Nu mai suport. ALL ZOLOLOGY = DEATH. Daca T nu te lasa sa vezi, NU E VINA MEA, NIMIC din ce as putea eu face vreodata nu poate face nici o diferenta. NU ma intereseaza Superman ca Ubermensch. Nu mai vreau sa continui filosofeala fara de respect pentru nimeni. Daca e un bug, rezolva-l si apoi vorbim. Ce mi se intampla nu ar trebui sa se intample punct.

30.01.21. Nu stiu ce sa scriu. Nu mai suport sa vad copii pe strada (Nu stiu ce sunt)… Copii si pungi de cumparaturi. Un el care face copii cu alta … ??? (Ce treaba sa am eu cu el? Sa il ajut? Voi sunteti seriosi? Ce poveste de kkt e asta prostie si victimizare) *** M-ar lasa dracului in pace daca ar fi pe bune*** Cineva care “trebuie salvat” ~ salvage… scraps… Imitatie… Imprumut vs. furt (politia nu face nimic) _ Masti si iar masti… An avalanche of clothes. What drives me; what I seek… Perverted… Speak the language of love… Am invatat pasi mici sa gandesc in scene pornografice… Ceva nu e Truth la treaba asta… Continuum… Harvest… Not death… Same thing as before… lies… Masks… Disturbed – The sound of silence.

Finds

Hey..

Link to something I posted on Tiktok with some recent Finds.

Am fost pana in Baicului (unde am stat la sfarsitul anului trecut) si am gasit niste chestii. Thanks! Weird choice of things to find! Chose em based on personal criteria. Afraid to use the word HOPE [meanings!] ~ 1st word I saw when I opened journal: Raped. Who is sick, and of what? What is sickness, really, not what I learned. See beyond. Ma aflu in aceeasi imposibilitate idioata de a nu ma gandi la ce vreau sa ma gandesc, same reasons. […] Totul scos din context. 0 diferente. Doar rau facut ca sa continuie cacatul.. Nimic altceva. This is not how we know eachother! {,pierduti prin toate povestile,} Si +++++ Sunt intr-un punct in care NU vreau sa ii cunosc pe altii pana nu inteleg exact anumite chestii importante pentru mine.  Secretismele pulii…

β˜™β€οΈβ§
OMW to healing holes.
Fascinating.
Don’t tell him he’s pretty.
Look, I found another pee stone.
Nu inteleg… (!) Daca m-as fi spalat pe maini, tot consum ar fi, nu?
Oricum, nu era.
Snow…
Inger vazut din spate (scoarta de copac)
Oh, here I saw many things… A sad face… Nice armor.
Moon reflection in puddle..
Surface of the semi frozen lake…
β˜…
I don’t know why this got my attention πŸ™‚
Aaaaaaaaaaaa!
Pod..Lac..In parcul 23 August (Arena Nationala ~)
Red and green markings on tree
For my amusement?
Ivy…
Sarma ghimpata.
:))
From lovely recent finds
β™₯
πŸ‘
First I saw an insectoid type head, then 2 figures… Then I stopped looking.
Glow in the dark baby
I can see why I chose you, Markus!
~

:(

 Why?

Someone told me some things about some ‘workers’ today. I didn’t really understand (fully), I don’t want to judge. It’s not what it appears to be at first sight [for me], but then again, I wrote about this before. Workers to make up the noise ~around~ me, so… We can… Go on… Go… On… How…? Nobody is happy.

Thank you

Lots of weirdness ~ 

Water that boils slower, and also cools down slower, and other details..(where I’m about to move back)..

Pare ca a trecut mai putin timp, de ce? 

Vreau sa aleg cu cine stau de vorba inainte de somn.

So I can…

     

I wear my sunglasses at night
So I can, so I can
Watch you weave
Then breathe your story lines
And I wear my sunglasses at night
So I can, so I can
Keep track of the visions in my eyes.

πŸ’‹


If you don’t stop, I’ll kill you!

4 orgasms ~ Part I and Part II – 2 orgasms each ~ #GoddessAzra #whatevering:
Β 
Β 
~
Β 
Β 
I’m so tired of all.
Every day is a waste of everything.
What was life supposed to be?
*Nobody talks*
And if the one I want to see can’t be seen with my eyes – why TF do I have eyes for? [Me]Β 
30.12.20 00.39
Had 4 orgasms made 20tkns. That’s not the problem. The problem is the same as ever. A mountain of lies that looks like thrash. [in our heads]. No love. Borrowed flavors. But from who? I want to choose. I want to choose. What’s happening now, on most if not all lvls. Is so wrong. No love. No comfort. My head is not room for whatever T&C has access to because X & S or whatever. That’s not a choice. Will. Intent. Energy. So miscalculated. I want to die but death doesn’t come for me. I have literally nothing to live 4. My life is a nightmare. Surrounded by Godless.
I don’t care that they give me pain. Choice? No. Nobody 2 love. Doing nothing all daylooking at my fish is a better life than all this shit. I want to “see them dead” = never again hear from ??? Liars.
Doing that to my mind (thoughts!) is not Anal play. FFS. It’s our world. Not yours. Who made this possible? It’s schemed. Stupid too. Zero. Not making anything. I’ve outgrown those who gave me no choice. Pls don’t tell me that T so u have to continue to do this to me. Please. They T[ed] me too and at best, I was ashamed of myself. Never use that as excuse. I saw as 0. Nothing.
I know we need not wait 4 betterment. Zbang & Smth instant.
-wrong type of red as usual. Red=life not the nonsense I’m served [given without real choice].
I’m pissed because how we do things now is v unhealthy πŸ˜›
*Nobody talks*
*Nobody talks*
*Nobody talks*
Daca traiesti pentru altii, n-o sa traiesti niciodata pentru tine {Sa stii cu adevarat insemnatatea acestor cuvinte}
Daca nu traiesti pentru tine ~ nu vei fi niciodata cu mine.
Abia apoi poti invata
Sa traiesti cu
Sa traiesti prin
Si alte chestii interesante
Mie, cel putin
{Si daca ar fi sa te aleg, logic ca si tie}
.
Nu imi mai explica ce auzi, te rog
M
F
M
FMM era o injuratura in liceu
β™₯
Eu sunt eu
.

Masturbation and orgasm stuff

Am fost live mai devreme pe twitch periscope dlive etc (with restream.io)
Am incercat sa vorbesc cu voi despre ce mi-a mai trecut prin minte cand vine vba de toata aceasta mascarada stupida.
Video:
Din jurnal:
1.12.20 Woke up with hangover state that passed quickly. Neighbor noise and headache. Had weird dream. My paternal grandpa couldn’t last long, treatment wasn’t working… Wait, why did I hear abt all this? Dunno. When I went to bed I was quite sad. Last session on MFC was interesting but…Again. Felt as if me & who I was chatting with don’t properly understand eachother. What is “Cam” for these ppl. “Open my cam” doesn’t mean clicky to see dick footage πŸ™ —– AFTER ALL THIS TIME? Please remember me / Dante’s Prayer ~ Last night, some lovely interaction that I’d rather enjoy (more) not masturbating because… I don’t know… It’s smth else, in essence… I see the beauty on the other side (no bridge) ~ but… smth above my / their brainwash… I think 2day I finally manage to “settle in ” -here- ~ sad about all the weird calculations / escape routes of fools / dunno how to call them. I am sad abt the job situations, would’ve been awesome 2 be @ the crystal shop but… Then again… That’s just me. Weirdness. What is Romania? Lalala, noise. Laaaaaaa
2.12.20 3:33 a.m.
I found the cooooooin (backup done – ha!) ~ Rly, β™₯ HaHa. The coconut lip balm though…🌒 I rly rly liked that one! Si pana din Tineretului… Si… Nop, my memories aren’t urs :p.
-after I woke up- feeling v bad 2day especially cause of ppl wanting me to masturbate orgasm. V down. Have no clue what todo. I don’t want to partake in the sickness anymore. The more days that pass, the sicker it gets. The thoughts / suppositions / imagination requests. Why do anything. If who can make a diff chooses 2 keep lying to us all? …….. I despise masturbating, regardless of what I think about and what these guys show me. We’re not the same. They’re not superior 2 me as 2 impose their ways upon me. It’s been too tiering and humiliating andNO BREAK. Every day pestered. I wanna be alone for a while. Go away. You can’t do this 2 ppl // allow seeing what happens. The tape with it’s all an illusion is only useful when it’s calculated so… Ha…Ha…Ha…Leave me alone… You’ve been paid 2 …………… me
-NO FRIEND-
πŸ’”
I don’t know what they are but fools… | ….. Nothing. Zero. They calculated “me” wrong. Every day I suffer because of this. The insults, the… everything The PAID (upon) making me πŸ—¦πŸ—§appear as smth of theirs so they can continue. I said it every time. It’s a lie, it’s brainwash. It’s not LOVE. I don’t care the DYNAMIX look good in graphs. Those aren’t ppl that they put me up with / against.
-WRONG-
No sexuality
Just LIES.
It’s been too long…
I don’t have the freedom to try to learn to see this it’s been too long under diff. light. Same shits pester me, no real help for what it could be like. Wanking, no love – poison. No money, inquisitors – constant noise / pain. The truth is scattered everywhere but not out there. I can’t talk to these ppl as if I’m a new version. They don’t even know why they are like that / their faults. Nothing good achievable through this changings of mechanisms that’s same thing. No hand 2 help. Making my thoughts smoother when I masturbate IS NOT HELP! IS LYING!
They don’t know the truth about themselves. In trying 2 show them… I only achieve to wear myself out. It’s not me who can make a difference 4 them [dogs] -> All zolology = Death = all dead ends; yet I still see much identification with whatever zololological. Chirp, meow, boom. Zero!
ME>AI {Because I’m more, mooore, mooooore]
I’m too sad. I can’t believe how pathetic my life is and how I’m constantly treated as stupid, humiliated, despite all I tried / did. FFS: ur solutiond don’t make save space; emptiness. 0 .
~pulled out the 5 of wands today. I can remember so many similar days/ settings in which I felt weird winds and got the same answer… What’s exciting for me? … What’s good soul food 4 me?… If everything I thought I see is smth else… Cute friends unreachable… Security… For what?… So I can be upset about what I hear? Or feel… I don’t know… Not knowing what’s that that I like or seeing it identified wrongly.🐚
So long…For nothing…
~~~
Pictures now πŸ™‚
!
Details from rose ~
Guess my favorite and get a small prize for me oh wait that already happened πŸ˜›
πŸ’¨
SNowberries ~
Face n leds.
T-Rex at high altitude in my room.

I listened to some Opeth earlier a bit and now I’m cry.

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πŸ—’