Not blaming anyone (t).
MAYBE, Maybe, shills should stay out of areas of expertise where they are not GOOD for.
I am consistent, for a very long time, in various things, with results RERERERERERERERERE that don’t prove anything, because this is not how Life works like.
At this point, I’m not sure it’s healthy to care what you heard about me. 
The more layers I browse through, the more of the TRAUMA I’ve been subjected to I understand. I can’t even have a fucking ‘day off’ to HEAL, because nobody has the balls to speak the truth for all ‘COmmunity’ to see ~ We wouldn’t be like this, now. Stop pretending.  Nu e despre bani. 
Nu vreau sa mai aud nimic…Vreau o pauza… Nimeni nu vorbeste… Totul e impotriva mea… Tot ce spun/selecteaza astia e ce nu am/ce nu am facut in |-| respectiva. I don’t get a job because I’m too good & they can’t power up places for me (NOT my fault! – Nu exista oferta reala). Also, all jobs are FAKE. You are lied to, si NIMENI NU FACE NIMIC ORICUM.
Deci ce facem?
Am asteptat destul TIMP. Am investit destule resurse. Nu exista explicatie pertinenta sau scuza. Nu am alegere, altii au. Nu vreau sa aleaga altii despre/pentru mine, in special daca i-am refuzat deja politicos, in repetate randuri. 
Much love,


Categorized as nightmare

Hard to understand

Hard t understand.

Random interaction.

Pasted text in blue.

KEYWORDYNICKNAME static rumbling….

KEYWORDYNICKNAME something is coming 

KEYWORDYNICKNAME wow, breathing too





KEYWORDYNICKNAME this is actually like…. working with a sonar at a boat

KEYWORDYNICKNAME listening carefully for hints


Nightbot β€’Lurking? β€’Stalking? β€’Just chatting? Why not follow? Go on… It only costs one click, and I need all the support I can get rn. Much appreciated. Hail!

KEYWORDYNICKNAME @Nightbot well, I expect for a little more before following. But always considering, appreciated

Nightbot Click before it’s gone!!! Wait… Here. > There. TY 

KEYWORDYNICKNAME more social networks accounts than possible character nuances

KEYWORDYNICKNAME was that a bird?




KEYWORDYNICKNAME finally something kind and merry



KEYWORDYNICKNAME I like the birdie


KEYWORDYNICKNAME I’m here with birdie

ishkira <3 

KEYWORDYNICKNAME I don’t get anything going on here

ishkira @KEYWORDYNICKNAME  Don’t worry, everything will be ok 


KEYWORDYNICKNAME it was fun, even on my own

KEYWORDYNICKNAME I suspect “somethings”

KEYWORDYNICKNAME but….it was fun making the stream mine in a way

ishkira @KEYWORDYNICKNAME  stfu 

My bird’s name is Casio, and he wasn’t talking about him. Again, T is not an excuse.


I don’t know what all that text meant, I suspect hijacking of my stream/ ‘whatevering’ & orgasm. I don’t know how, I don’t even know if I’m interestedto learn about that now. But honestly, being limited to this sort of interactions, weirdness everywhere, is…. nowordsforit. You’re not even getting your humiliation food out of this.

Take care,

A bit busy..

Weird days and I’m busy with moving back to S4..
Last sleep paralysis experience.
I saw an old woman, from the back, on the hallway here… She couldn’t hear me, or she was ignoring me. I felt I was suffocating. When I reached to grab her by the shoulder, until she turned, I “woke up” with the strange sleep paralysis state, and started saying again, in my mind: You have no power over me, you have no control over me, then I started laughing (as if a friendly being was responsible for this weird experience, and I was like: Oh, what am I even saying in here, we’re way past this stage!), my right breast (noticeably bigger than how it looks in real life) was twitching, as if: Aha, sure. So I was not afraid, more like, a prank. But I was bothered by the physical sensations. Like a thousand needles sensations running through all my muscles at the same time & the inability to move.
Something strange about waking up / combobulating the reality around me when I wake up, and the ‘noise’ which I keep hearing that it’s OH SO NECESSARY, however, I know for sure that that is not true.
So I can, so I can ~ 
Ce e acolo?
Take care.



Someone told me some things about some ‘workers’ today. I didn’t really understand (fully), I don’t want to judge. It’s not what it appears to be at first sight [for me], but then again, I wrote about this before. Workers to make up the noise ~around~ me, so… We can… Go on… Go… On… How…? Nobody is happy.

Thank you

Lots of weirdness ~ 

Water that boils slower, and also cools down slower, and other details..(where I’m about to move back)..

Pare ca a trecut mai putin timp, de ce? 

Vreau sa aleg cu cine stau de vorba inainte de somn.

So I can…


I wear my sunglasses at night
So I can, so I can
Watch you weave
Then breathe your story lines
And I wear my sunglasses at night
So I can, so I can
Keep track of the visions in my eyes.


5 orgasms

A weird whatevering session, not playful, and most of it was not enjoyable.
5 orgasms.
Triggers & a little bit of what I like from time to time..
Don’t know what to think anymore… Why am I doing this?
Access denied.
For what?


 Started packing ~ gonna move from this place.

Not sure what to think about this yet, I’m not in the mood honestly, but that doesn’t matter.


Haunted by thoughts about some people that I don’t want to think about. Maybe I did (like & thought there’s a purpose in) thinking about them in a specific manner, but I was UNAWARE of so many things back then, especially about, well, other people’s plans. I find it highly intrusive and disturbing to think about some people when OTHERS want me to, regardless of purposes. It also makes me sad. If I wanted “more” wth that GUY, I would’ve said more than just a simple I miss you. He didn’t talk either, bye from me πŸ™‚ I don’t want him! I really do not want him. It was what it was. Grateful for some experiences, but that’s it. When I feel as if some people (?) want me to want him more than I ever actually wanted him…. WTF. Delusional masses. Disgusting. Nobody seems to understand. Nobody that talks to me, anyway. πŸ™ Disgusted by the scenarios and ‘studies’ [aka: WASTE OF TIME & also SOUL degrading]. I hope there are no confusions as to who I speak about here. I have something special, and nobody should decide what I do with that, or how/who I … Share that with. I share openly more than I’m comfortable with, and it’s not about Ego Death either. That is more than just thinking I’m somebody I’m not, so The sleepers see nice images in my head running down, flowing as numbers I’ve never seen before, and what joy would’ve that been to my heart πŸ™‚


Keywords is 1 thing, or deep faking certain celebs or whatnot when I masturbate. (I don’t like it, but oh well, it’s different that a simple no emotional implications; You didn’t get My heart Right since you still don’t get it why IT HURTS me so much to think about that Cortana when I masturbate. I don’t like her. Not her personality, not even her looks. For fuck sake I don’t understand how all this came to be ~ *sigh* TRIGGERS/settings. I can’t put in words how wrong this is. You see, but you don’t see all, and that which you don’t see is important and that’s what I want to focus on but I can’t because of the… Visible things, aka.. Why you still want me to masturbate thinking about that girl’s face/whatever. It hurts. I would appreciate to CUT thoughts about that specific Guy & that specific Gal from my head.


No offense, I gave more than was EVER necessary on this Topic.

This hurts more on top of all the problems I have with dealing with ‘reality’, REALITY, meat suits, signals, what I hear, etc. AND OFC HOW COULD I LET OUT: The fact that I still have to masturbate/orgasm for no reason at all, thinking about a myriad of things that I don’t like/wouldn’t do with anyone. Because translations. If a real solution was desired (!) we would’ve seen SOME results by now. All we did was waste time. And squeeze poison {not real resources}.

My inspiration comes from somewhere else and in this sentence somewhere is a very weird word.. So tired of analyzing words and everything like this, takes out from the (possible) quality of living.

English language ~ I used to say to my Ex, or whoever that was… Oh, but… En is the Latin of our times.



\Take care/

Writings on the wall
Parking place view @ Lidl nearby, inspiring.
Something for 2021.
My adorable cat.
I really liked drinking you but I really want to know and it’s not curiosity, what would you be/do if you weren’t masturbating so I can experience you in that way πŸ™‚

“Sing It Back”

When you are ready I will surrender take me and do as you wish
Have what you want your way’s always the best way
I have succumbed to this passive sensation peacefully falling away
I am a zombie your wish will command me, laugh as I fall to my knees

Can I control this empty delusion lost in the fire below?
And you come running your eyes will be open
And when you come back I’ll be as you want me, only so eager to please
My little song will keep you beside me thinking your name as I sing

Sing it back to me
Sing it back to me

Now you can’t help it if you have been tempted by fruit hanging ripe on the tree
And I feel useless don’t care what the truth is you will be here come the day
Truth do you hear me? Don’t try to come near me. So tired, I sleep through the light
If you desire to lay here beside me come to my sweet melody

Sing it back to me

Bring it back, sing it back
Bring it back, sing it back to me
Bring it back, sing it back
Bring it back, sing it back to me

Sing it, sing it
Sing it back to me

Bring it back, sing it back
Bring it back, sing it back to me
Bring it back, sing it back
Bring it back, sing it back to me

“High Hopes”
Beyond the horizon of the place we lived when we were young
In a world of magnets and miracles
Our thoughts strayed constantly and without boundary
The ringing of the division bell had begun
Along the Long Road and on down the Causeway
Do they still meet there by the Cut
There was a ragged band that followed in our footsteps
Running before time took our dreams away
Leaving the myriad small creatures trying to tie us to the ground
To a life consumed by slow decay
The grass was greener
The light was brighter
With friends surrounded
The nights of wonder
Looking beyond the embers of bridges glowing behind us
To a glimpse of how green it was on the other side
Steps taken forwards but sleepwalking back again
Dragged by the force of some inner tide
At a higher altitude with flag unfurled
We reached the dizzy heights of that dreamed of world
Encumbered forever by desire and ambition
There’s a hunger still unsatisfied
Our weary eyes still stray to the horizon
Though down this road we’ve been so many times
The grass was greener
The light was brighter
The taste was sweeter
The nights of wonder
With friends surrounded
The dawn mist glowing
The water flowing
The endless river
Forever and ever

B.D. Energy

*almost 2 minutes to midnight* (?)
Posted March, 2020. One of my first takes at showing you how I do the samethingwiththesamething, whatevering & how I reach #ORGASM ~ Not much has changed since then. Hundreds of videos & media pieces through which I tried to reach… Who?
< >
Not for money, not for free, honey.
Nu e mare filozofie, nu e chiar nimic.
[Brainwash/Trauma NOT love~]
Nimic nu te va face sa te simti mai bine

Cum pot aprecia ce inseamna cu adevarat cateva secunde, cand eu nici macar 10 minute inr-o zi nu pot face ce vreau πŸ™‚

Nimeni nu e fericit.

Fericirea mea nu e tranzactionabila.

[Verse 1]
Kill for gain, or shoot to maim
But we don’t need a reason
The golden goose is on the loose
And never out of season

Blackened pride still burns inside
This shell of bloody treason
Here’s my gun for a barrel of fun
For the love of living death

The killer’s breed or the Demon’s seed
The glamour, the fortune, the pain
Go to war again, blood is freedom’s stain
Don’t you pray for my soul anymore?

2 minutes to midnight
The hands that threaten doom

2 minutes to midnight
To kill the unborn in the womb

[Verse 2]
The blind men shout “Let the creatures out
We’ll show the unbelievers”

The napalm screams of human flames
Of a prime time Belsen feast … yeah!
As the reasons for the carnage cut their meat and lick the gravy
We oil the jaws of the war machine and feed it with our babies

The killer’s breed or the Demon’s seed
The glamour, the fortune, the pain
Go to war again, blood is freedom’s stain
Don’t you pray for my soul anymore?

2 minutes to midnight
The hands that threaten doom
2 minutes to midnight
To kill the unborn in the womb

[Instrumental break/guitar solo]

[Verse 3]
The body bags and little rags of children torn in two
And the jellied brains of those who remain to put the finger right on you

As the madmen play on words and make us all dance to their song
To the tune of starving millions to make a better kind of gun

The killer’s breed or the Demon’s seed
The glamour, the fortune, the pain
Go to war again, blood is freedom’s stain
Don’t you pray for my soul anymore?

2 minutes to midnight
The hands that threaten doom
2 minutes to midnight
To kill the unborn in the womb

It’s all night
It’s all night




As scrie niste ganduri mai pe larg dar tot ma fute la cap un Dubios sau mai multi, cum sa stiu, oricum.

Multumesc pentru consideratie.


Cea mai ascutita

Cand totul e degeaba si muzica care imi place nu e libera. ~

free= gratis/liber

bani= arta cui?

Fata a vazut si a auzit ce i s-a spus.

Logic ca EU(me) merit mai mult.



I know how to waste time way better than what I’m told to do to waste time.
I can’t continue like this anymore.
Pretty tail
Playing with me
Look at me!
I know it β™₯

I’m still bothered on a daily basis by

Not nonsense that could potentially lead somewhere because
When I look at what I can see
All I feel like doing
Nothing, where are you?
Get over here, I want to do you some more.
You’re probably the only friend I ever have
Why the fuck do I still bother.
I don’t know.
Oh, I don’t like these words.
If G was right we wouldn’t be doing this shit now like this.
“The way”
“The one”
All my life…. Was puke of bad food at best.
Thanks for making it smell nice though but…
You wasted my time….
And I wasted yours..
Categorized as nightmare


 Is there anything left between the lies you tell me and the lies you like to hear? πŸ™‚

Din iunie si pana acum

Nici macar o pauza nenorocita {Nu, nu numai de atunci, dar am devenit nostalgica recitind niste tweeturi}

Dar ploua cu pretentii

Non stop

Oriunde ma uit.

Asta e viata mea?

De-asta m-am nascut?

Ca sa nu fac chiar Nimic?

Sa asist la un Nimic plictisitor si nici macar Plictisita sa nu pot fi?


Give Me My Thing!
Give Me My Thing!
Give Me My Thing!
Categorized as nightmare