Nothing else.

Din jurnal: Pain and humiliation. Nothing else. I just want to wake up from this nightmare. Nobody is genuine… html? Intentions… Get lost in the fog… All of them… Can’t believe my life is as is now, I hear excuses for everything, NOTHING is done, and I can’t even have ONE!
f
n
m
e
l
i
f
m
m
f
~
Thank you for reporting but I don’t know how to interpret it. I am Whole, in a different way than made up of all the things I receive hints about.
Sometimes I freak out because I feel as if you keep assuming wrong things about ME.
My feet 🙂
A view that put a smile on my face
Soft skin
Experimenting with ….
~
Please, once and for EVER. Understand. ‘Tipping’ me in the form or *that thing* IS NOT GOOD/Right/ correct. Only leads to 0. Nothing.
~
The more time passes the worse the lies get. I DON’T want to participate! Spirit guides would NEVER imply that I am Parked because I AM NOT A CAR. You’re damn stupid if after months you still choose 2 pester me with this empty shit. I AM NOT A CAR. Body as I have is not car 4 soul to make time travel. Only Zero I hear from u & ppl like u, it hurts me; I have nothing else in my life {For real SOUL growth}.
Someone chose this for me!!!
I can’t do anything, really.
Only waste time.
It’s not all a show. It’s shit.
[…]
U always gone in a timely manner, before another jerk showed up & isolated the room/screen so signal can’t be heard/seen.
0 chances; 0 choices.
.
I adapt to any situation.
But what has been served to me lately is not worthy of that word.

L.

Sometimes I freak out because I feel as if you keep assuming wrong things about ME. Thank you for reporting but I don’t know how to interpret it. I am
  Whole, in a different way than made up of all the things I receive hints about.
New video:
 
Pee, shit, crystal, earbuds, quickie, whatever.
Got the suggestions in weird ways, as if my eyes were automaticly focusing on certain keywords around me, t e or what?
But…
For who am I doing this?
I was asking for help {Writing in my journal, thinking about angels not money}
‘Sponsor’
What are you Sponsoring me with?
How do you know that is what I seek/asked for?
Regardless.
I felt something more too
As if you care.
But that’s impossible.
How would I know?
Because of how I see the world around me with these eyes.
Only the lies persist.
Who orgasms where?
Mmmmmmmh!
I am not happy.
But you don’t seem to be willing to understand my sadness either.
Boring.
Well, It’s your own misery as well.
How will we ever heal?
I am totally not into group sex.
I am not poly {polyamorous}.
This doesn’t mean I dislike poly ppl.
WHAT ARE PEOPLE, AGAIN?
*deep pain*
Same shit on repeat.
I can’t take this shit anymore.
Sponsor, I have nothing to have a life with, you are probably wasting ur resources, just as I waste my Time doing Anything I DO.
Please, fix ur shit.
No, not u.
~ We’re still talking through words ~
Hahahahaha
Long game?
Only losers.
I don’t want to talk to losers anymore.
There’s no Beta btw, zbang.
Nu, nu ma simt pedepsita.
Nu nu inca, ci deloc!
E doar stupid!
Si inseamna chestii de care eu habar nu am pe deasupra. Hi u smalldick, ur not a beta to me.
No alpha to be found just jerks.
(I looked Everywhere! Sorry cute buns.) ~ Noalpha, no beta. No alphabetaaay!
💋
.

Gânduri

Din jurnal
10.12. […]
Am ajuns sa vb cu tine asa…Degeaba… What tides? Nothing… Hurts too much… Fa ceva, macar sa iti inteleg NUurile, deja mi-ai zis nu si la asta… De ce? CE VREI DE LA MINE? Nimic nu e niciodata suficient…
[…] Eu nu am ce sa fac. Sunt ca ei, nu sunt ca ei… Pt cum sunt eu, ce e?
[…]
Cum sa iti fie dor de mine daca nu esti nicaieri? Fețele vorbitoare… M-am săturat de ele… Vreau o pauză… Parcă suntem intruși în mințile noastre, între ele… Deci..
A partner in crime is all I want, but no hidden catch (stupid game)…
You have so much data about me & u still don’t know why I hurt…U show me | – | which might sound true but… I’m more. Eu ar trebui sa aleg ce salvez si ce sterg… Din mine… Nu altii… Mai ales altii care nici macar nu ma cunosc / n-au de-a face cu mine… Sunt la fel ca acum 16 ani. D.p.a.d.v. Cum mai, cum? Atata timp…Degeaba…
[…]
Eu cu cine pot vbi? Vad ca astia TOTI nu fac altceva decat sa cante in struna Altcuiva… Lupta? There’s NO LOVE there… In iubire, nu e niciodata nici o lupta… Nu mai vreau sa traiesc ca sa experimentez astfel de minciuni, scenarii, umilinte.
 ~
I’d put my heart on your nightstand… If only you would listen… With no hidden ears. (Fucking my ex’s meat suit it’s not u! Magic is not done this way.
[…]
Oricum ai pune problema, daca joc teatru, hranesc ori pe unii, ori pe altii, cu care nu sunt de acord. Simt… Deci… Ce imi ramane sa fac?
Pics of my feet.
Be well!

First 2020 Snow

Din jurnal: 
30.11.20
Wow. Dear Journal, you -almost- lasted 2 months! Now I should be’ needin’ 2 be on the lookout for a new of you.
Ha-Ha-Ha-Ha
Drumuri azi, sper sa am o ses ok mai incolo, ma simt cam ciudat si la fel ca in ultimele zile. Ninge! Can’t remember last time we had snowing in nov like this, winters have been fcked up recent years. EH.
It’s colder but I feel less cold than previous days (?).
FFS se termina anul soon si eu nici macar treaba cu temperaturile n-am inteles-o ca lumea. Ieri noapte am plans si am dormit + some self care. Am avut impresia ca corpul in care m-am culcat > corpul in care m-am trezit de data asta. Oricum, imi plac / sunt ok cu ambele; doar ca… Nu am alegere. 
Cand robotii dorm… Sa… [Am visat o ciudatenie] 
Paaaaa!
Hmm
Last night in bed…
Morning coffee bubbles
Fun times outside in snowy weather
Black jeans 
The Moon – hood view (the hood I’m currently in)
~
You’re as 
Cute as
In the mirror (old place – went there to get some last stuff I wanted to bring here)
Lips
~~~
SNowing!
Spinning in my old room, which is now deserted 😛
~
29.11. Voci goale (nu la modul kinky/love)
~
Be well
.

 

Mov

1010. [5.44pm] Afara… Totul pe dos… Pe fata! Ha! /\/\/\ Mov (?) S-a ratacit o pana frumoasa de gasca de Tineretului. Of. Am luat 3 carti azi, !Colegul si prietenul meu! – Suspicious NWO book;  Ultimatum – Ultimele zile ale unui razboi atomic; Computere si Trandafiri – sau paradoxurile progresului • =))♥♥♥ !!!

La Biserica => Tocuri; nu Toaca. “Masina de tocat nervi” ~ ai cui?

~ Everything make sense not. Thanks for the gentle pokes.

Keywords d’Abondance

3 times in a row and I was shortly prompted to do it again? RESTORE WHAT? Are you f. kidding me? I didn’t even want to do until Monday. I really need a break from this weird crap – It’s POISON! Nothing else. {How I do it cause “I don’t know”} 🗲Macar sa stiu de ce.

11.10. After last orgasm; I felt I’m v small pe suprafata fetei unei flori… Pixeli verzi de diferite nuante, dar in loc de petale, floarea asta avea tentacule de carne (?). Viziune blurrata. Hmm. I would enjoy such visions/interactions more in normal life,not when I masturbate. [I have to focus on activating modules to reach orgasm] … Am mai vb. despre asta. Garlic! Lol.

• In the a.m. Woke up prematurely IN PAIN. ~ Give us the good stuff! (no – I did not agree) ~ I need rest. I need a break! These idiots are treating me as if the day was already over and I haven’t completed my assignments, which BTW I did not make/take. I’m on par with what I set to do for this weekend. WTF. Vampires? FFS wake up ~ It’s a nightmare; lies, NWO & what I’ve been talking for for… Ever! Anti Love Energy ~ Attempting to take/destroy ALL; Good relationships not allowed. I know those I can “do” with even when it hurts. 🙁 This is beyond ridiculous.

~

Hello, Eihwaz.. I don’t remember the last time I felt something that I would personally define as: Lack of motivation ~ However, For me “The Push” means something else, not what is commonly accepted ~ I do not believe in or endorse “The New Normal” of the NWO.

Similar clues from consulting the I Ching as well ~

.

.

.
Sitting by the big Tree in my favorite place, by the lake in Park Timeretului. Looks like a talon, firmly grounded in Dream.
.
The sky as seen by my phone camera today in my hood, very close to where I live.
.

.

.
Eye-looking cut, right above my heel.
.
Journal pages…
.
Feet UP.
.
From a strange book ~ Oh My!

.

.

.

.
Measurements: 95-72-101 Luate impotriva vointei mele (ca de altfel 95% din toate masuratorile luate in ultimul an ++) dupa ce am citit intr-o carte pe care o detest desi nu am citit “suficient cat sa imi formez o opinie” din ea. Ca de obicei Stiu eu ce stiu • Sa intri intr-un ritm … Cine m-a batut la cap cu asta, era nimic. Era gresit; se insela; o iluzie; un pion; bunicul; om; curent; Nimic (used to ‘make space’ ~ the Lies)
Nimic, abia astept sa te ating. Totul pana acolo e degeaba. NIMIC NOU! Ever 🙁
Pentru mine, nu exista “familie” ci doar insi care [se] folosesc si invoca x y z (de ex.: O anume amintire) in loc de valori reale. I never had a real chance/choice. Doar sa suport calculele lor stupide, degeaba. [impotriva vointei mele] ~ ma doare. Am auzit galagia asta all my life. V-am spus ce face si de ce imi face asta. Tot ce simt e doar no choice. Cand vine vorba de “inteles cu altii” {La asta ma refeream, pentru cei care au nevoie inca de explicatii suplimentare}.

12.10. Belonging to a different time; I woke up to hear the same, again. Do this, do that, and nothing else much. No real reason for “Doing”, either. What did I love so good that they took it from me and made it so bad? [Raspuns: <the now>].

These days, Economy Class Life assembles through me with pings; aromas;flavors;memories… Jammed up in a weird way – as if smth is “wrong”(*). I say: What proof do you have that it hasn’t been like this “always”? {Copy-cat world comes to mind} I… don’t… (*) and this is how we try to fix it – Ha.
– Nothing feeds me -> I only seem 2 eat 4 others.
– Nothing clothes me -> I can’t hide
– Nothing cleanses me -> Pain is same
– Nothing satisfies -> There’s no tocuh left.
Hello Nothing, I love you too. Shut up! I will never shut up ~ especially in talking… How wrong they were are is / To take choice away = Crime.
.
Thankyou for reading, bye…For now…

Title


Seasons came and changed the time
When I grew up, I called him mine
He would always laugh and say
Remember when we used to play?

Bang bang, that awful sound