As scrie niste ganduri mai pe larg dar tot ma fute la cap un Dubios sau mai multi, cum sa stiu, oricum.

Multumesc pentru consideratie.


Cea mai ascutita

Cand totul e degeaba si muzica care imi place nu e libera. ~

free= gratis/liber

bani= arta cui?

Fata a vazut si a auzit ce i s-a spus.

Logic ca EU(me) merit mai mult.


Mai devreme am fost pe afara… Nu aveam nevoie de nimic in mod special. La intrarea intr-un magazin, am fost atentionata de Dl. Paznic sa imi pun masca. De obicei nu ezit sa port masca pe afara, ca doar e musai, nu? Dar azi am uitat-o in buzunar. Ploua si simteam ca nu pot sa respir cu masca pe fata. Bun.. Domnul a fost amabil, m-am scuzat si m-am intors cautand masca, sa mi-o pun ca sa pot intra in magazin. Pana sa termin, s-a intamplat ceva ce nu am chef sa descriu in amanunt (e vba de o alta muiere interactionand cu ‘Paznicul’) ~ M-a intristat aceasta intamplare, cometitia pulii… Eu nu am competitie 🙂 ~ Daca nu ma crezi, nu ma intereseaza. Nu spun asta ca sa fiu crezuta. Spun asta pt. ca stiu si pt ca doare (Nimicul dintre noi).


Ce zi.


Somebody asked me about closeups of my pussy/ass ~ I said to myself, as I always do: I am not that kind of girl; But… Wait… HE MEANT SOMETHING ELSE. Something that could be put in words yes? No? Incomplete?

What do you mean words are mine?

How did we get to interact in this manner?

Hey! I’m putting words here, so you cant blame me for them.

Please sort out this mystery asap.

I am tired of doing things that I’m not the kind of girl for but I COMPLY over and over, as I look how my whole life crumbles to pieces. I don’t wanna do me slowly here, as prefera sa vad totul cum se naruie instant… De dragul vietii. Pe care toti o au pe buzele imaginate (nici macar pe alea nu si le pot imagine bine) ~ Dar aparent nimeni nu mai vrea sa vorbeasca despre ce inseamna cu adevarat.

E un secret


Nu avem ce face.

Sa ma repet nu imi place.

Aceleasi chestii raman valabile. Si dupa expirarea cuvintelor :-<

Seamana cu ce-am visat cand am visat locatia respectiva. 
{Am fost in vizita la fosta scoala, devastare si acolo. Luand in calcul ce am invatat anul asta, probabil era o devastare totala cand mergeam acolo zi de zi… Ce dimineti… Ce mirosuri… Ce hlizeli de ??? care nu au fost niciodata prieteni ~ Zamberte false, de dupa cortina.}
HA-HA-HA ~ Come together, alright.
Oare el ce vede?

Something special

Something special, banned on YT.
[initially uploaded 3 parts, same as the ones linked below from my Bitchute, kept getting deleted over and over, I took the full length from my Twitch channel and re-uploaded like this as well, let’s see, might or might not get deleted as well. Algos are silly order followers though, a,b,d, don’t care ~ I did nothing bad 2 u ♥]
Love is ILLEGAL, in the NOW {You were wrong, Modern Talking, I still loved listening to such music, when I had nothing better to think about}
Highlight on my Twitch channel: https://www.twitch.tv/videos/844663705
I don’t know for sure why this whatevering special more special than others, for me all feel more or less the same, excepting the ones in which Jrks have extra perks because ‘space’ v, x, and other excuses that mean NOTHING, really [to me].
We were supposed to do something awesome in here.
All I see on the walls = Lies.
Hurts like shit.
Want more of me?
Can’t wait!
Dear Time, I am not willing to do the same thing one more month, this means, everything {Repeating the same wastes of time in different forms which aren’t even that different once you….}, as I already told you. But I write you here too because after all this time, I’m still not sure how you can hear.


I see you in so many places.
Pentru permanent si nu numai. Nostalgia feel.
Cake rack pe Iancului
Bare la Piata Sudului
Hmm… I wonder, how do you see this?
One of my fav fountains, currently not functioning, but pretty nonetheless.
Looked so much better to my eyes,
Little lights in Sector 4.
Caught the corner of my eye ~
Why is this depiction of an Angel so inspiring to me? Hmm.
Went to the Church in my ol’ Neighborhood today ~ Was a weird experience, but almost everything is weird nowadays for me when I get out of the house. Keywords were mingling, but still the main feel was: calculations (not to keep up or sustain, flower) against me and I don’t like the word against here but not sure how to explain.
Saw these and thought – No, number of, what, again?
Window view from old apartment.
Tiny bug.
(Me in the) Mirror in my old room.
OH NO! Is this a…. Oh yes, it is. I will think about that later.
Pe la Universitate.
This is very close to where I live now.
Place with loud pigeons, where I put out the thrash.
Was that a hi or a bye?
Catch ya later!
Who did I feel, what did I feel, from time to time, in all this time? Not a fan or invitation, not always interrogation, run run run, it’s not just wind in my head, but something special, disguised as “I only appear to be so but I’m not”.

Nothing else.

Din jurnal: Pain and humiliation. Nothing else. I just want to wake up from this nightmare. Nobody is genuine… html? Intentions… Get lost in the fog… All of them… Can’t believe my life is as is now, I hear excuses for everything, NOTHING is done, and I can’t even have ONE!
Thank you for reporting but I don’t know how to interpret it. I am Whole, in a different way than made up of all the things I receive hints about.
Sometimes I freak out because I feel as if you keep assuming wrong things about ME.
My feet 🙂
A view that put a smile on my face
Soft skin
Experimenting with ….
Please, once and for EVER. Understand. ‘Tipping’ me in the form or *that thing* IS NOT GOOD/Right/ correct. Only leads to 0. Nothing.
The more time passes the worse the lies get. I DON’T want to participate! Spirit guides would NEVER imply that I am Parked because I AM NOT A CAR. You’re damn stupid if after months you still choose 2 pester me with this empty shit. I AM NOT A CAR. Body as I have is not car 4 soul to make time travel. Only Zero I hear from u & ppl like u, it hurts me; I have nothing else in my life {For real SOUL growth}.
Someone chose this for me!!!
I can’t do anything, really.
Only waste time.
It’s not all a show. It’s shit.
U always gone in a timely manner, before another jerk showed up & isolated the room/screen so signal can’t be heard/seen.
0 chances; 0 choices.
I adapt to any situation.
But what has been served to me lately is not worthy of that word.


Sometimes I freak out because I feel as if you keep assuming wrong things about ME. Thank you for reporting but I don’t know how to interpret it. I am
  Whole, in a different way than made up of all the things I receive hints about.
New video:
Pee, shit, crystal, earbuds, quickie, whatever.
Got the suggestions in weird ways, as if my eyes were automaticly focusing on certain keywords around me, t e or what?
For who am I doing this?
I was asking for help {Writing in my journal, thinking about angels not money}
What are you Sponsoring me with?
How do you know that is what I seek/asked for?
I felt something more too
As if you care.
But that’s impossible.
How would I know?
Because of how I see the world around me with these eyes.
Only the lies persist.
Who orgasms where?
I am not happy.
But you don’t seem to be willing to understand my sadness either.
Well, It’s your own misery as well.
How will we ever heal?
I am totally not into group sex.
I am not poly {polyamorous}.
This doesn’t mean I dislike poly ppl.
*deep pain*
Same shit on repeat.
I can’t take this shit anymore.
Sponsor, I have nothing to have a life with, you are probably wasting ur resources, just as I waste my Time doing Anything I DO.
Please, fix ur shit.
No, not u.
~ We’re still talking through words ~
Long game?
Only losers.
I don’t want to talk to losers anymore.
There’s no Beta btw, zbang.
Nu, nu ma simt pedepsita.
Nu nu inca, ci deloc!
E doar stupid!
Si inseamna chestii de care eu habar nu am pe deasupra. Hi u smalldick, ur not a beta to me.
No alpha to be found just jerks.
(I looked Everywhere! Sorry cute buns.) ~ Noalpha, no beta. No alphabetaaay!

What a weird day

Squeak‘s a little piggy,

That sure likes her treats.

So roam she will,

The Halloween streets.

Poisoned by candy,

Squeak met her demise.

Loaded with sugar,

Now covered in flies.

Look: Doll.
Name: Squeak
Brand name: Living Dead Dolls
I have some nice memories around this topic, including box.
Keepsakes from something that definitely broke.
I met…Lines today? Addresses? Whose body?
Some things were fun, while others were downright MEAN. Learned nothing but validated some of my past sayings. And… Felt pain… The fun wasn’t really ‘allowed’ to be fun, either. Nothing new. More pain. By who? DO I even care at this point? Not sure, but has to do with THE ONE (The WRONG one).
Previous blog articles on about or around this Topic:
Oh no! Look
Cute double set of ears ^^
Inimoasa, ha?
I was doing something else than what I saw now.
Now I saw myself spinning, dancing on some music that I don’t particularly enjoy.
Finger between buttons reversed.
Very Symbolic songs, about some Strangers.
We are all intricately poisoned in here.
*sigh* (I sighed)
Thank you for whatevering with me though. I wanted to say something like, some things really are priceless but words are not good enough when .. ….. .. ………. … …. ….. .. …. …, ……… … … . …’. know …. .. .. ….. .. .


Snap Kiss!
Symbols? What is a way without a will and what is that disguised as one?
I remember the tree…
It was a night. {Last year}
A pleasant night, at least while I was there..That night… Almost night… What was it, anyway.
Friendly vibes in my ol’ hood.
Oh, I saw you like a treasure, a hidden treasure. Stream of inspiration for moments that pass by too quick…
Changing the orientation of this pic and I get woozy with all sorts of thoughts. Lovely find though ♥
Thank you for being so nice, little corner of nature in the concrete jungle I’m still confined to.
I don’t know why this particular leaf caught my attention.
I saw names of people I know under different nicknames and OH I’m still confused about that.
Hello, though.
I have a thing for this apparently abandoned thing.
Seeing beauty in the most unexpected places!
Din jurnal:
12.12.20 12:12 AM. (was random)

Bleaching my hair… Blond me… Where’s the e? :p

I’ll get used to it I guess. Hopefully soon I’ll try the green colored hair I had in mind a few years back… But I want a medium green not pastel like, we’ll see. For now I have to get used to this look. I always thought that Hey! I do not have the face of a blonde (?). Eh… Maybe I’ll learn more about the meanings of blonde other than… Locomotive :-<
No? You mad? What? Are you serious? No! I don’t accept this as answer.
Take care,

The weirdest dream

8.12. Almost 5 AM! Had the weirdest dream !Whoa! “woke up” in the dream being fucked (spoon) by a guy that was asleep. He seemed older than me & there was smth unpleasant about him. His dick was penetrating me weirdly, as if his body wasn’t even moving. V fast fucking & it felt so odd. “like the best sex that’s also the worst” – A RAPE! I felt raped. However, I thought… Hey, it’s for a reason… So I started visualizing (similar to what I do when I masturbate). I saw his dick as a fabric, with 4 corners coming close to the middle… The feeling was extatic … And it’s not that I didn’t allow myself to enjoy it… But… I felt raped (???)…. So a dream within a dream (within a dream) I screamed… And stopped that thing. He woke up & morphed into smth more familiar… We got out… 
Opened it to reveal a beautiful, wonderful dress… Silvery with shiny snowflakes. I couldn’t wait to try it on [Lol]
•Woke up weird / stupefied, but had a feeling of love when I thought about that dress. Like a message of sorts. What could it be? In this dream… I felt invaded. On one hand… Someone (if only I knew WHO) was trying to tell me something; but also invaded by creeps & their opinions on sex & pleasure; Something weirdly wrong… If only I knew what… A most dubious dream ♥♥♥
Afara ninge frumos…
in the p.m. Sunt suparata. De prea multe oriam auzit clar cum ticaiturile ceasului sunt mai rapide decat ar trebui. Nu stiu de ce (nu cred ca vreau sa stiu) dar sunt sigura ca are ceva de-a face cu “mine” [viata], Matilda, + alte dubiosenii.
Mac-Mac, sau Quack-quack






View from balcony.


What was I thinking?





My oh my do you wanna say goodbye?
To half the Kingdom, baby, tell me why?
My oh my do you wanna say goodbye?
To rule a country, baby, you and I?
So sad… Just lies… And so little in between… Hidden… By whom? From who? Till when?
Mai da-mi putin timp…
Dar eu nu stiu cum sa fac asta(?)
Sa traiesc in zadar inseamna ca iti dau tie timp?
Cine esti tu, oricum.
Si cum sa te respect, cand totul e ascuns stupid…
Nu pot sa fac nimic cu adevarat.
Si tot ce fac e degeaba..
💋 – Oh, ce ti-as face.
Sa te prind n-am cum, caci nu sunt intinderi carora sa la mai zic “Drum”…



Ochi imi zambesc din umbra
~ A guy mentioned this place where I go to for interesting affordable book finds even before I found it. Again, makes me wonder about time, space and how certain people talk around me / what I hear.
Thank you for this wonderful Instagram combobulation.
Am privit..
Am ascultat..
Am visat ca sunt si eu asa.
In days like these, I keep thinking how the brainwash [!Education! with “] I’ve been subjected to is thicker than I know or can see. Hands…Hands…What are hands… What do they mean for… Wait, WHO are they?… I don’t want to disrespect or improperly categorize; Oh, you do not wish to be categorized, but look, how we communicate through words, here, so… Something does that to us already… What’s between my hands? What’s a pinch, cause I can make myself feel some more or less pleasant ones… Every time I chat with friendly peeps online as of late, I keep feeling how THEY KNOW SOMETHING I DON’T and at the same time we’re clueless on both sides about certain things…
A…hand…? ..H…How?
When I drew that, I thought about a sort of separation, something that has to do with M/F stuff. Not able to really kiss. (Makes me sad).
4.12. *2nd time I go to the park and ‘lose’ a feather.
Gasesc produsul cautat la produse care nu erau nici ele pe lista – Thanks!
-so weird- HA!
Fac prima supa de cand m-am mutat aici. Ma simt cam aiurea,din cauza ca… Bla bla… Ce-o sa fac mai incolo… Alte chestii imi plac. Nice book finds, again. Last night before falling asleep I was speaking (sleeping) in my mind and I felt listened [to]. Understood? I’m not sure. Today somebody without a body told me through a line in a book I was looking @ that… He (?) told me more about himself than he wanted to. ??? Hello, Mr. I’m still clueless. Tongues – Missunderstandments – The nothingness continues. {Why do I feel the ticking of the clock louder sometimes?}
Oh, hat is it? How should I interpret “the feels”? I still don’t know…Enjoy… ENJOI… OI!!!