Thank you

Sometimes I hear or see ‘Thank you’ & I can’t tell for sure who has that message for me. As I try to figure out, to think a little more about what happened / the person / see if there’s any lesson to learn, attempt communication/ etc. Something gets hijacked, and I do not like that word. The purpose is not to confuse{solvable-unnecessary though-probably ends in giggles} but to deceive{use for something that I would never agree with/for}. I am very unpleased. The message in most cases remains undelivered.

I miss talking to some of you quite a lot. How we ‘do’ lately – I really don’t like that. What’s breezy and nice.. Heck, I had breezy & nice thigs before too, and I could talk to you, too.

“They” (? NOT SURE WHO – I do not believe in ~ ….. …….. …… …… whatever that might be ~ I’ve seen INFO about them, but I do not agree/like. Someone told me – as soon as I agree with something, I get related to that in … something that for some is = to having a BODY – NO NO – heartbreaking – a memory of someone’s voice played forcefully with ILL purpose in my head, the context doesn’t even matter, and an invocation of something…COMPLETELY unrelated – and not because I’m ‘blind’ ~ )

Same thing with the same thing.


I’m bored ofΒ Never giving up and never givng in.

Nu pentru ca nu imi iese nimic din asta, ci pentru ca niste reguli importante nu sunt respectate si indiferent de stadiul la care ma aflam stiam asta inauntru, si ca solutia propusa nu este cea care sa dea rezultate bune…. Me & peers, a shit game of …. S…..WHAT? Again that point where every word hurts… I can’t take this anymore si nu am nevoie de ceva sau cineva pe post de consolare, ci sa fac eu ceva. Nu egoul meu vorbeste πŸ™‚ M-am saturat! {Tot ce s-a intamplat in ultimele 2-3 luni, cum a devenit viata mea din 2019 incoace, am tot scris. Sunt foarte suparata si e bataie de joc la adresa a ceea ce apreciez si respect si nu am vazut pe nimeni sa vb PE BUNE; deci, vorbitul e rau??? Toata lumea se ascunde. Nu mai am rabdare. Nu sunt aici sa fiu Teacher for Cars! *Thank you for understanding*}.

Informatia conteaza, si nu e ban….

Nu e de cumparat sau de vandut (the one I wanna deal with – what I’m interested in)..

You can’t buy your way into Heaven…

If all would be a show with costumes, I’d be a hermit on a rock ……..

Mereu mi-am manifestat veleitatile ce nu au fost intelese din incapatanarea altora..Rautate? Mereu am preferat sa cred ca nu.. Pentru ca…Cum….?!

Nu ma doare-n pula daca esti tu prea prost, dar nici nu vreau sa asist la… Ca nu stii tu ce sa faci cand esti refuzat!
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Artiol nou

Made my first T-shirt design on Zazzle
I designed it like this (pic below) but cannot be approved as merch because I don’t own the copyright for the icons that I used.
Some pics, including the one I put on the back of the T-Shirt unedited ~
Did I tell you before I don’t like posting ass pics on the internet and it has nothing to do with the way that my ass looks like? Cock cages aside, grow up!
I didn’t get born to (I’m not here to) post naked or whatever ASS PICS on the internet. I’m not that type of model. Never was and I’m not really supporting anyone by being like this.
I find it stupid to post this because of the odd but this is the unedited pic since the one above is cropped (*unpleased face*)
I paid for taking these pics (with the phone I paid for already~) – by misplacing a Teabag or incorrectly remembering WTF happened there. DON’T GET BUTTHURT!
Pe gard la Biblioteca de care apartin (Filiala George Cosbuc BIBMET)
Why does this number folollow me? I thought it’s in a way rude to talk about this in an incorrect setting. Because of something that might translate as Privacy issues? (I’m not fearful, I’m psychic)
I hear… No.
But to my perception, fluent (authentic) communication is not possible. I don’t know why.
The 72 that follows me is not the peeps I randomly interact with when I talk about past experiences, what I learned and we manage to solve our ‘issues’.
When I’ve looked at certain books or publications (there was not only one – I don’t know why someone would assume such a thing and send it to me as what I intercept as psychic message.)
Pentru ca ‘e relevant’ ca pe oriunde merg sa fie dubiosenii cu ani/date/timp. In romana (romaneste~) Ani e nume de fata, in engleza date e… You know, no?
Mananca – Come ~ Vin ~ Vino (made me @#$%^&%$$#$^%& ~ Cuvantul ala exista (past tense-timpul trecut) in limba italiana inainte sa il citesc eu (dublu sens, fara indicatii clare – ) – deci – Nu inteleg invocatia, …. Ce?? Un bug?! :O Nu, nu mi se pare)
Thank you for supporting me & my work ^^ I work 24/7 and I am not ok with this. Also, I didn’t sign (agree with) ANYWHERE 4 this!

Prestari servicii e altceva.


Thank you for listening – Weird thing to say on a blog…


Cu cartile pe fata sau deloc.

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also available on my other platforms in video or podcast form ~


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Podcast (citesc)

~ Podcastul de azi ~

Am experimentat cu uploadul podcastului pe site direct. Ascultam sa vad cum se aude, dupa ce am postat acest post, si mi-a venit ideea sa fac un mic edit sa spun ca DA, eu ma aud acolo, eu citeam, e vocea mea, blabla. Sincer, nu pot sa cred ca traiesc intr-o lume unde e nevoie de astfel de lamuriri si nu gust nici paranoia nici prostia (nu imi place). As discuta ore in sir* despre subiecte gen: define TU (Eu) ~ Pai tu nu vezi draga ca pana si tu iti dai seama ca e Asta, sau Cealalta chestie, in “actiune”, deci, ia uite, si asta, si asta si asta si asta. DECI CARE TU? =) Eu, unica, inimitabila, si ogramadadealteatribute pe care numai eu le pod duce cum o fac!

*dar nu am cu cine. Nici macar la nivel experimental. Nu sesizez (simt ~ cu putere decizionala asupra ‘conexiunii’) persoana cealalta, fiind impinsa sa nu pot respecta cu adevarat, PE NIMENI!



Podcasturile pe care le inregistrez sunt disponibile pe Anchor, Spotify, Google Podcasts.

Articol nou


Nu stiu despre ce sa scriu, nu am primit nici o inghionteala clara despre ce ati vrea sa mai vedeti pe aici, asa ca o sa pun cateva poze si voi face comentariile pe care le simt la unele dintre ele πŸ™‚


Found this stork in a video I was watching & really liked him. Was it the walking style? The angle? I don’t know. Made me wonder more about the nature of things I perceive ~ 
Lumina din biserica. Prima data cand am vazut becul asta din ce imi amintesc, m-a surprins intr-un mod bizar, preotul citea chiar sub el, la iesirea din altar si din locul in care stateam eu in biserica, capul preotului parea alungit, nu tocmai humanoid.
In vitrina la coferatie..
La intrarea in parc (Parcul Tineretului)
Bautiful sky that day…
From my fav spot, by the lake..
ffs the i is gone!
THANK YOU SO MUCH! Found these 2 stuffs @ my fav spot in the park, and immediately noticed they almost fit together. When I got home I noticed the formation looks like a boat. I understood that finding such things I like, is a sort of payment/donation? Still a bit unsure about this whole thing though – I need a secretary πŸ˜›
Thick piece of glass, with iridescence. Wonderful β™₯
FOund this too and really like the green shade.
Masters of Madness game, an idle clicker I enjoy as of late..

On Why I wanted to become a Psychiatrist: Fascinated by the medical field (not at all because my parents worked as nurses, you gotta believe me! – I’m very annoyed at weird associations that I do not agree with, even if  I may not see the numbers some of you do. I used to visit my parents a lot at their ‘job’ but I didn’t like it there that much*, I didn’t like that Hospital in particular or the people there. Also, I didn’t fall in love with this because of what I’ve seen in the media – series, ads, whatever. I’m far from having any fetishes, even if I like the sound of a thick nail on a glass syringe – but that has no applicability in my reality – LOL and it’s not an Undisclosed Desire either, just something I like, quick though that relaxes me, and relax might not be the best word in this case. -). So I really wanted to get into med school after highschool, there was no other Uni that attracted me as much. And of course I had to think about the specialization even before the admission process, and I remember being a bit uncertain. I wanted to choose between Psychiatry (I remember the specialization for that was 6th year onwards~) and Surgeon with mech aid. But that’s irrelevant now πŸ™

*Architecturally speaking, I liked it. And some moments when I was alone roaming around the place exploring ‘forgotten’ things…

So, psych… Why not go to Psychology LOLOLOLOLOGY school, like some cute boys I met already were doing? Ha! No offense to anyone, but I didn’t like them. I always thought, a gist cannot possibly compare to a trist, for me, and as I have such high standards, I must sense smth right. Psychologists are but a waste of time, I thought. Yada yada, nothing more than a good friend can do. And I really don’t wanna offend anyone. Lifechanging stories of ppl that REALLY GOT help, imho, they could’ve obtained the same by talking to the palm from their right hand, or redistributing their attention a bit in their mundane activities. I know this might sound mean, but really isn’t so. From where I stand, I see HUGE market for making $, unscrupulous cons, fake smiles & not much more. EVEN WORSE I thought in the field of Psychiatry (rivers of pills, brands, contracts and other things to be filled) But I didn’t care about this. I liked the idea. Crazy people fascinated me (the real ones, not weirdos popping up on me on the street – that’s not crazy – ci doar vagoane pierdute, pe vremea aia nu simteam si tindeam sa ii judec, acum cand mai patesc ceva ciudat pe afara e …”pentru combobulare”.. SI MAI RAU! =)) ). But… Where did I meet crazy people? To become fascinated by the look in their eyes, their weird way of speaking, their Untouchableness, the forcing of the hand… The… 

I imagined them.

Mai mult decat o alcatuire pe baza a ceea ce observam in mediul inconjurator/media. Trebuie sa existe..

So I wanted to study more. History, the real numbers, cases, chemistry, effects, mechanical stuff, plant derivates ~~~ A whirlpool of keywordsy stuff here. I thought Hey, 6 years of Med school with topics I’m not really interested in, just to ‘get there’ is worth it… But I ended up only studying 1 year in med school. I quit, then got my first ‘real life’ job, etc.. πŸŒ€

Random ideas on the topic: I felt if I study enough, with time and dedication I can research and find ways of treating psychiatric disorders/diseases (I’m not at ease on putting these labels though, you get my point) without the typical (”evolved”) approach of Medicating. 

Integrating spirituality too but not like I’ve seen it done, and not a newly patented system either (always suspicious about those. If a friend of mine would have such a thing probably I would giggle with them about this but I wouldn’t hide from being honest).

I thought about Mr. A. Hofmann & the wondrous multiple substances that await to be discovered & utilized for good πŸ™‚ One of my first cam girl nicknames (on Imlive website) was Lysergie, chose it before I got to try LSD for the first time, changed it though. I had quite a fascination for mind-altering STUFF too, and what I got to try was oh-so-much-different from what I imagined when reading online. Not disappointed, learned/liked/disliked/etc Still trying to fit some pieces ‘where they belong‘ in this huge experiment that my Conscious life seemed to be.

Spitalul 9 – avea cea mai frumoasa curte din cate curti de spitale am vizitat eu pana acum – prima data am explorat zona cu Iulia. Am tot sperat sa intalnesc specimene interesante plimbandu-ma pe acolo. Niste borcane mari zarite pe un geam – that was like  the best thing I saw. Last kiss: 2019, in incinta corpului unde era internat fostu’ ~ una din primele ipostaze in care incepuse sa arate altfel, si nu, nu a fost de la tratament, vreau sa invat mai multe despre asta si nu am unde. Sunt un robot. Arat ca un om. De ce nu ma vrei? E un ecou pe care il tot aud. PENTRU CA ARATI CA EL (raspund eu). ~~~ 

Experimenting with various substances, “because I can“. (this was more or less a secret :P)

A lifelong morethanapurpose, love, dedication, suitable for me. In accordance with my hermitty lifestyle & tendencies. Inspiring and never boring (as a career path – but oh I don’t like the word Career), that’s why I wanted to become a psychiatrist. 


wolfpackbrokenheart, from The Storks

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Bitter smile

Not afraid, not disgusted, however, disgusted feels more appropriate as a word…
To listen to a song I like
because very fast and irrational
I get the message “Love Me” not through the song or my first intent
Hurts and at times it’s quite bothersome.. Disrespectful to self and (who knows who) others that hey I don’t know you I don’t want to insult you… To love you… “Lie to me“..
If you’re sick don’t try to make me appear so just so… Oh, wait, you don’t know…

Stood still on a highway
I saw a woman
By the side of the road
With a face that I knew like my own
Reflected in my window
Well she walked up to my quarterlight
And she bent down real slow
A fearful pressure paralysed me in my shadow
She said ‘son what are you doing here
My fear for you has turned me in my grave’
I said ‘mama I come to the valley of the rich
Myself to sell’
She said ‘son this is the road to hell
On your journey cross the wilderness
From the desert to the well
You have strayed upon the motorway to hell

Well I’m standing by a river
But the water doesn’t flow
It boils with every poison you can think of
And I’m underneath the streetlights
But the light of joy I know
Scared beyond belief, way down in the shadows

And the perverted fear of violence
Chokes a smile on every face
And common sense is ringing out the bells

This ain’t no technological breakdown
Oh no, this is the road to Hell

And all the roads jam up with credit
And there’s nothing you can do
It’s all just bits of paper
Flying away from you
Oh, look out world, take a good look
What comes down here
You must learn this lesson fast
And learn it well

This ain’t no upwardly mobile freeway
Oh no, this is the road
Said this is the road
This is the road to hell

And it’s not all smoke and roses.
Multumesc pentru flori!
~ discovered this today – Yay!
Handle with care.
Joaca de-a texturile ^^
Prima poza pe care am facut-o dupa ce am fost la vaccin. Apoi cineva mi-a sugerat ca nu vad bine culorile, si asta m-a intristat… WTF.
Nu ai cum sa astepti atingerea mainii mele daca nu am voie sa stiu cum arata ce vad…
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Measurements: 95 – 69 – 99

65 kg



Today’s card: 4 of Swords

Today’s rune: Sowilo (Sun)




Beatles –


Because the world is round
It turns me on
Because the world is round
Because the wind is high
It blows my mind
Because the wind is high
Love is old, love is new
Love is all, love is you
Because the sky is blue
It makes me cry
Because the sky is blue
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