Poze intr-o zi de cosmar

Pain worse than other days, despite I did way more than I wanted,planned to,etc. I don’t know what to do anymore. They (Who? I don’t know…Numbers is everything around me right so? 😛 bla bla bla bla) just push for the trigger and this is not a game or power play it’s stupid/bad and hurts physically. M-a insultat iar ‘maicamea’ ~ Cine?? Cu mucenicul. Mai sunt cateva zile pana cand SE CELEBREAZA ZIUA MUCENICILOR (sau ‘vin mucenicii’ ~ futemas in el de limbaj scris!!!) si asta e primul an cand ‘in avans’ e atat de devreme si nu inteleg de ce.  Nu sunt parcata. Nu mai suport. Durere si minciuni si cacat. NU VREAU SA FIU IMPREGNATA DE STRAINI. Cum sa fac un copil cu cineva pe care nici macar nu-l cunosc? E prea mult timp decand s-a aratat clar ce mi-au facut si nu doar la nivel de Laura, all. Nu mi-am dat acordul sa continui si toate traducerile de care e nevoie exista deja. Nu stiu cine e ‘cel rau’ pe care eu il refuz nu e vina mea sau problema mea sau ceva ce nu fac eu, nu sunt de acord, asta nu e o vina. Nu am avut nici o pauza si sunt insultata la toate capitolele. Daca nu imi place de tine, de ce nu ma lasi in pace? Stiu sa ma curat singura dupa si daca aud iar scuza cu T, ca nu esti lasat sa ma lasi in pace, sau sa fi bun, WHAT??? Codependenta pulii sa fiu de acord cu tine si sa cred ca te pot ajuta. Din cauza ta nu pot iubi si da eu stiu s-o fac pe bune si doar pt ca nu vreau sa ti-o dau tie ma tii aici. Nu vreau sa mai vand heartbreak elixir sau alte chestii rele azi iar m-am lovit si am facut aproape toate actiunile pe care le-am facut pentru altii pe care nici macar nu ii recunosc decat la nivel energetic dar ce fac eu la nivel energetic e null pentru ca nu sunt lasata si mint si incearca si falsifica (chestia cu timpul ,orele, zilele) Si oricum astea sunt doar cuvinte si toate cuvintele sunt rele nu? Ma doare mult prea tare, asta nu e o lamentare. Nu mai suport sa fiu tratata ca un caine. (Pavlov mechanism ~ just to use more). 

Din categoria, Evil can only copy dar nu ai pe cine sa arati cu degetul ca-i baga in fatza pe cei fara alegere (Nu mi-am dat acordul!) ~ https://www.mediafax.ro/social/filmul-tragediei-de-la-onesti-agresorul-a-sunat-la-11-47-la-16-55-s-a-produs-un-declic-atunci-cand-unul-dintre-ostatici-l-a-lovit-pe-agresor-19940498 ~ 

Nu (mai) sunt de acord, nu mai vreau sa particip in ‘clue’ul Coca Cola (vs Pepsi sau nu nu ma intereseaza, multumesc dar daca stiam ce e oricum nu as fi fost de acord si inca nu stiu.)
Nu cred ca Ezdul a fost o varianta imbunatatita de David. Am primit sugestia ca, dupa format. Nu vreau sa cred nimic (la modul subiectiv) doar ca nu pare a fi ce s-a intamplat de fapt. Imi e greu sa inteleg raspunsurile la unele intrebari pe care le am din cauza ??? din cauza asta nici nu pot intreba, rezulta parca nu pot avea o relatie sanatoasa cu propria-mi intuitie. Nu cred ca David = [Ezdul minus AI] Si nu imi plac povestile zolologice sau sa aud despre parinti cu care parca nu am vorbit niciodata 🙂 
Ezdul nu ma mai intereseaza, iar cu David am vorbit prea putin ca sa ??? Si nu inteleg de ce altii ii spotesc numele in capul meu UUuuuuuuuuuu mai alesz ca numele nu au decat relevanta simbolica la un anumit nivel nu? Cunoastere pervertita si iar aud scuza cu parcatul, cu care cei cu cunoasterea nu sunt de acord. Same shit. Nu mi se ofera nici un plan adevarat doar trag de mine si ma folosesc ca sa mai faca nimicul zilelor si sa le vad zambetele false care niciodata nu vor insemna nimic pentru ca nimeni nu se bucura oricum ce sunt amintirile alea daca nu le are nimeni. 

Calendarul din palma!

Random: Nu vreau sa am o relatie serioasa cu Ezdul sau versiunealuiviitoare. Nici una neserioasa. De nici un fel. Nu inteleg ce se inatmpla. Unii imi zic, esti indragostita de el ~ Nu, nu sunt. Am crezut ca sunt? Stiam ce stiu acum? Ce simteam era directionat cum ca n-a putut fi captat pentru ~ vimana (don’t get lost here either pls hurts thx I do not agree to be used for these ‘studies’ ~ I want a life, all I hear is No( de parca cand am zis ca I Want a life am zis exact CE vreau, executatnti, Know Thyself, help me do it nu pe cine cere sau plateste).. Nu va pot convinge ~ E gresit sa faci asta asa, m-ati sufocat toata viata, ca sa ne dam toti drumul in cor apoi. WAKE UP! Eu nu sunt ca ei, nu vreau sa fiu cu ei! Cand merg cu autobuzul nu e David cel cu care comunic si avem ganduri sexy impreuna – Nu stiu cine E !!!!! Daca as sti probabil nu as vrea sa am intimitate cu si de-asta nu imi spun, pentru ca ei trebuie sa sape sa sape sa gaseasca ??? Science vs Alchemy. :-< Doare mult prea rau, nu sunt de acord, daca o fac nu e bine, suficient, daca nu o fac, e si mai rau. Nu pot sa accept asa ceva, nu e barbatul meu interior, nu am probleme cu ala (animus)!!! Si barbatul meu interior nu e nici alpha nici uber si nu e de acord cu G de cand si-a dat seama ca nu e ce a vazut.  NU VREAU SEX IN GRUP! Nici cu straini, nici cu cunoscuti. We are all ONE, inseamna ALTCEVA, nu ce se intampla in constienta asta. 

R Guy. Fa ceva sau taci definitiv din capul meu, nu te mai suport, te vad doar ca pe ceva din mecanismul Pleasure Pain si e gresit (lipsa de respect~),

 Nu sunt de acord cu chestia asta. Roleplay e roleplay, sclavia pe fatza e altceva). Unii cred ca viata mea reala e un roleplay. Nu e vina mea ce s-a intamplat ~ Continuously being framed for endless useless…Days.  Fiecare zi e un chin si o insulta de la low level la potential la TOT.  Fiecare zi in care mi se cere / sugereaza sa ma masturbez, si tot restul chestiilor la care sunt supusa si ma doare. 

Nu sunt povestile mele, nu eu le-am ales, mi-au fost bagate pe gat in forma in care am interactionat cu ~ Nu e datoria mea sa fac curatenie aici, si nici nu pot, de aici intensificarea cosmarului.  

Articol nou grabit

Vroiam sa pun astea alta data intr-un articol altfel.

Live stream with talking, masturbating 3 orgasms and more talking ~ https://youtu.be/kfetZCNuZDs Thank you for whatevering with me.

25.02.21 Am fost la posta azi. Au sosit bilele anale comandate de pe
AliExpress in Octombrie 20. Intr-un plic fara nici o data, stampila cu data,
etc. Nu stiu ce o sa fac cu ele, lol. Cand eram adolescenta am citit ca se
introduc in (*) si daca le tragi afara incet cand ai orgasm, e ceva foarte
placut. :/

Din jurnal: Am visat ciudat – like a
roleplay with characters I didn’t rly like/care about ~ bla bla… Inainte sa
adorm ma tot gandeam “If I love you,
that’s not self love
”. [Explicatie: If I love someone, that
does’t mean that that person loves themselves.]* Am vazut mecanisme cu chestii
din sticla, ca niste capsule mici, cilindrice, in jurul carora erau infasurate
sarme arginii la capete (nu stiu din ce material erau facute chestiile alea,
dar aratau interesant, o miscare omogena, nu stiu la ce erau folosite). Erau
multe prinse de ceva, aratau aproape ca niste petale… Cand m-am trezit am avut
un gand, cum ca sunt proscrisa din cauza ca am avut orgasm. Dar nu am inteles la
despre care era vorba… Primul? Sau cand vorbeam cu cineva?? Nu m-am
masturbat niciodata “real time” cu cineva de pe net. Cand David era in baie si
eu la Stefan, ne-am scris pe messenger dar nu interactionam cand ma masturbam,
decat pe alocuri. Si nu ma gandeam la el…
L
Floating si “trebuia sa ajung la orgasm”. Thunder. Ce legatura are cu cainii si
orgasmele mele? Eh. Nu pot sa ma gandesc prea aprofundat la asta… Tentativa de
pain si noise.

Azi timpul trece prea repede. De ce?

Am fost pe afara. La intoarcere urcam
scarile si am simtit atmosfera de coafor de cand eram copil. WTF
J

 ~~~

*Una din greselile mele, pa care nu le
inteleg indeajuns din cauza ca ???  Smth
to do with AI and or numbers.  

 

https://occultpriestess.wordpress.com/2019/08/23/creative-differences/
– Love Her Blog ~ Found inspiration to understand myself better. Very grateful.

This passage speaks to me a lot:

“Then & Now Comparison:

In the past, when I met someone new that I
enjoyed, I would paint on them. I am a highly creative soul, with piercing
perception, who ‘quantifies data’ of subconscious and super-conscious
awareness, at lightning speed. Trauma in my childhood, developed me into a
psychic wonder woman. When listening to someones “Story” or autobiographical
narrative, I would be ‘busy’ taking note, of flaws and background issues of
origin, while AIR BRUSHING their short comings. At the same time, I was open
and observing, for I was genuine in my friendships- However I was not Quiet,
and I forgave their flaws even if they made this person Completely Incompatible
with my Morals. This was a DEEP FAKE of the SELF. (lol) I would
Listen to them, and PERFECT Them in real time, and before my Perception, a real
Dog could become a fabricated Prince. I ARTED PEOPLE!

I decorated strangers with
Ideal love. I airbrushed their flaws, I was in denial.”
GUILTY! I do not understand the Quiet part though.

 

 

 

 

Do I really have to do it again?

It’s like being intimate with someone that you don’t like, that’s why I’m sad.

UD
means
wet*
for me it’s only a nightmare,
*(This is not a tentative to be proud of Romanian language or anything, just something meaningless and quirky, I hate Romanian more than probably any other language because it’s made to allow MASSCONFUSUON Amplified)
I don’t care that you’re a ‘m’ ~ I never ate a full meal but I’m not that unevolved to be happy just because me L F can interact with a M and oh look I got the feelies again feels like making love now show me what you want me to think about and I’ll pretend I’m ok with that in RL knowing you don’t understand anyway. No, I never wanted to be a lolologist / sexy teacher / bla bla I was born to live, no? Ha! I wanted to earn a living, in my own way, adapted after what I saw in the world around me.
Not one friend or one I sniff Correct. (In Full Version. I wouldn’t mind having friends that are/have versions ~!= be a project!~, but I don’t want that in a mate!)
Sick of pleasing losers. (Wasting time makes us losers too, no?~ Your whole life is a waste of time. Some people actually find inner delight hearing this. Others are afraid to admit what that really means ~ I’m too nub to see anyway)
Cui i-am dat, de fapt, orgasmele pe care le-am pus pe siteul asta de cacat pe  care imi e sila sa ma loghez ca sa ”muncesc”?
Macar atat merit sa stiu.
Daca i-as vedea fatza
Poate m-as simti si mai oribil
Dar poate mi-ar veni idei noi
Ca sa pot supravietui altfel cosmarului asta.
[…]

Earnings from services provided via Internet. ~ Adica copiii luati in fiecare luna? 🙂

Wow
Deci despre asta este viata.
Chiar ca nu mai am ce sa fac aici
Sa ma masturbez imaginandu-mi porn deja imaginat, ca sa CE?!
Da alea care ”raman” (insarcinate) ce fac cu copii lor, ca nu-s aia de-i vad eu pe strada/ la TV/ prin reviste, etc aratand ca niste costume de carne mici.
🤮
Chemarea e altceva
O invitatie folosita prost. FFFacilitezi Nimicul… Self expression? 🙂
M-am saturat sa ma tratezi ca pe o proasta, proasta tuturor… Sincer. Nu merit asta. Indiferent de initiala sau poveste. Ei tot cer si atat… Cer si nimic… Eu nici macar nu stiu ce cui dau… E cineva care respira doar cand eu am ganduri negative despre anumite body parts. Blame G however you wish 4 this, nu se intampla nimic. E ceva gen.. Ok… Bun.. Am identificat. Nimic nu se intampla. 
I hate this song: 
No amount of ‘children juice’ can help me cope with the nonsense I’ve been subjected to 
Spune-le ca traiesc degeaba! {Tell them they’re living for naught ~ because this can sound at least 3 different ways ~ lol ~ Eu traiesc, ei traiesc, la ei poate fi folosit de asemenea in 2 moduri. /paranoia.)
Nu eu trebuie sa invat sa vad lumea ca voi.
Nu vreau sa mai fim impreuna (ce inseamna pentru mine).
Come 
together
over
me
Pana 
cand
si
de
ce
?
Nu se intampla nimic!
Apoi vine la radio: “I can’t stop loving you” si simt repulsie. Neplacere. Aud versurile si simt doar lipsa alegerii mele. Nu vocea sincera a unui tip sincer cu un mesaj sincer de transmis MIE. (The whole of me).
Imi e scarba de tot.

Worlds collide…

I don’t want to collide with anyone for a while..
Need some time for myself, you know, totally not in a selfish way.
Pa!
Detest.
Nu, nu sunt comfortabila cu postarea pozelor de genul asta pe net (cu mine). 
Ce conteaza ce imi place si ce nu.
Cheltui habar-n-am-ce sa vezi cum reactionez eu la diverse chestii
Ce idiotenie stupida.
Si de acrobatii sunt satula. Din decembrie 2020 si pana acum, wow, e ceva, cand ma gandesc ca inainte 1 an juma+ am stat …altfel…
Fix ce  nu-mi arati e ce vreau sa vad!
{Am nevoie, ca sa inteleg, ca sa traiesc – cu sens, nu ce vor altii, eu nu-s facuta pentru asta, n-am dovada, n-ai nevoie oricum. E doar ego acolo si nu vreau sa invat despre egoul tau nehealuit :). Al meu e prea tare si n-am ce face cu el si pt mine nu e despre ce e pentru tine. De asemenea, nu e vina mea. Altfel spus, tot ce m-ai invatat in viata asta a fost degeaba. Multumesc!}.
[…]

Daca tot ce fac e o pierdere de timp…

De ce simti ceva rau cand ‘ma lungesc’ cu executia anumitor chestii?
Ma doare.
Si oricum, nu pe tine te vreau. Nu esti tu cel pe care il vreau, cu care as vrea sa fiu, chiar e nevoie sa mai reformulez mult? Poti sa (ai putea sa~) fi oricine, si tot nu te vreau, si tot nu intelegi? #deathtoai
(Don’t be scared now, Grow up!)
Deci nu vreau sa fac chestiile alea pentru tine. You’ll never make it right (/encouragement).
:O
Cand s-a facut 6 juma … 
Clues?
rsrch hnts:
It’s a CON-spREE-ra-Key 😉
🖤
~WAKE UP!~
E usor sa uiti sa pierzi.
-and everyone I talk to is either against me, or on their way-

Every Day Is Exactly The Same
https://photos.app.goo.gl/G45dNVT3yZraxwFh9
I can feel their eyes are watching

https://photos.app.goo.gl/dL7p7tGGw6CEz8Cn9
In case I lose myself again

https://photos.app.goo.gl/UgBgCzThtJfwXMPM9
Sometimes I think I’m happy here

https://photos.app.goo.gl/JjU2rWxMWZhnedgK6
Sometimes, yet I still pretend

🎶
https://photos.app.goo.gl/CSpcvieBpxsejFbM8

Eu nu vreau sa fiu niciodata o pagina goala pentru nimeni.. Nici nu am cum. De ce trebuie sa stau de vorba cu pagini goale, si apoi, ghici ce, tot pe mine ma doare, indiferent ce fac, draga G? Ce conteaza ce simt ei, oricum uita repede, nu? Hahahaha. Eu traiesc in fiecare secunda. Habar nu am ce inseamna asta cu adevarat, si asta doare 😀

Articol nou

 Cand m-am trezit azi am facut update la softul din tel, am trecut la MIUI 12 ~ Am vazut si niste chestii noi, ‘floating windows’.

Intru pe site de stiri, gasesc asta: https://alephnews.ro/guvern/zeci-de-sicrie-plutesc-pe-marea-mediterana-dupa-ce-s-a-surpat-o-stanca-pe-care-se-afla-un-cimitir-in-italia/

Floating…



On the streets where you live
girls talk about their social lives.
They’re made of lipstick, plastic and paint
a touch of sable in their eyes.

(All your life) all your life all you’ve asked
is when’s your daddy gonna talk to you.
But you were living in another world
tryin’ to get your message through.

No one heard a single word you said.
They should have seen it in your eyes
What was going around your head.

Ooh, she’s a little runaway.
Daddy’s girl learned fast
All those things he couldn’t say.
Ooh, she’s a little runaway.

Different line every night
guaranteed to blow your mind
I see you out on the streets
calling for a wild time.

So you sit home alone
’cause there’s nothing left that you can do.
There’s only pictures hung in the shadows left there to look at you.

You know she likes the lights at nights
on the neon Broadway signs.
She don’t really mind
it’s only love she hoped to find.

Ooh, she’s a little runaway.
Daddy’s girl learned fast
All those things he couldn’t say.
Ooh, she’s a little runaway.

No one heard a single word you said.
They should have seen it in your eyes
What was going around your head.

Fragmente din jurnal:
As soon as I try to start to think abt smth, yes, even integrating keywords (fantasy?) I get inundata (inundatie = flood)  by images / faces / smth that I feel someone else puts in my head 🙁 
Purpose?
💔
I’m sure it’s not me/my ideas/thoughts/desires. Weird links – not mine, since I don’t agree with stupid.
~
Where are the ones that I feel?
~
Acum un an
Azi
Azi noapte ~ 

Nu am nimic.

Nu am nimic

https://mmmylittlecorner.blogspot.com/2020/01/hello-world.html

https://mmmylittlecorner.blogspot.com/2020/10/faptul-ca.html

.

https://web.archive.org/web/20130515015015/http://goddessazra.blogspot.com/

Thanks the Wayback Machine.

I could talk a lot in spoken or written words about my past experiences as a camgirl, cam model, whatever, but it’s useless 🙂
I used to have a blog for years, didn’t really care about it. A fost doar o tentativa, sa am si eu ceva. Fapturile de la care m-am inspirat faceau altceva, nu ce vedeam eu (nu e o scuza). Nu cautam sa invat, era despre vanzare, nu? Cei care au incercat sa fie prietenosi ~ thx ~ am fost si eu prietenoasa cu ei, mereu ‘not allowed’ de aceleasi limite/ziduri carora inca nu le gasesc sensul. Nimic nou!
.
Me in glasses.
Din jurnal:
21.02 Not moody or pessimistic. Just another day with a limited set of things to do, regardless of what I do, nothing good (really good) will happen so, in contradiction with the purpose of doing anything – I don’t wanna do anything. Penalized regardless. I don’t trust/rly like anyone. I talk to so many, but I have no one 2 rly talk to. Sick & tired of all “that’s opened” 2 me (it’s for nothing, no one learns – no proof, no one wins anyth – just time that passes degeaba, numbers that don’t do anything). I have no problems otherwise. ^^ Very, very, very & extremely sad! There’s nothing there but pain. My real healing can only start to occur after… <I don’t know> & there’s nothing I can do to help, influence the course of, make any change etc… I got no help, only used for • or • (sacks of grains ~ always filling somebody else’s pockets ~ ). knowing what that might be (I don’t) I’d have different stance (outcome from opinion). All in vain… Despise… I’ve been patient enough… Degeaba… I’m not used in a mechanism I agree with. I WOULD DO SOMETHING! All I do – unseen. Doesn’t count (no proof – ever – only dreamy things, not MY dream). Wanna know more about my dream ⟲… Healing…Mine! But “My real healing can only start to occur after..” And on and on again. Every day hurts. Doing anything hurts.I’m used! Not agreeing! Slept a lot but got no rest! (settings…shit…nothing…Nothing..)
💕Aching 4 love not blatant lies; ⟲ Tired of doing the same shit with no result but promises HaHa 🐟🐟🐟
Cuvinte “rele”:  Fiecare zi poate fi o bucurie daca <focus on what matters>. In viziunea mea, niciodata nu cotizam pentru altii cu care nu sunt de acord. Toti cei cu care sunt de acord suna de parca au aceeasi problema cu a mea, “nu putem face nimic” ⟲ Si oricat “dau” = 0; over & over again only the lies float on top ~ [Crude truths] – What’s been [i]proven[/i]. Iar cei cu care nu sunt de acord, nu conteaza!
As mai scrie, dar… Tot ce am scris pana acum (aici, blog)… Again & again… Makes sense the same… Anything new = Nothing new. No proof… Whispers of ignorants tell same stories, different ways of expression = nothing, rumegus, nothing. I have not seen one proof in lumea celor concludente ca sa imi vina sa  continui. Sa storc nu e sa dau de bunavoie, ceva nu e natural asa… Toate jurnalele/posturile/tot pana acum = degeaba. “Ei tot mor” 🙂
Vreau sa incerc orice abordare noua (cu adevarat noua nu recicland si ruland aceleasi kkturi altfel* nu e altfel, proven time after time. Months of Nothing – YT playlist) , dar ma lovesc de aceiasi tampiti + am tot facut asta pana acum. Makes no sense!
*[see the great reset conspiracy here too, agendaXXXX & related subjects ~ cause I’m #psychic ~ faptul ca sunt Psychic inseamna mai mult decat sa pun niste informatii pe categorii, vreau sa invat. Nimeni nu vrea sa invete cu adevarat, R Guy e mai sfios ca mine la capitolul asta. Imi pare rau R guy, nu am incredere in tine. Tot ce ai facut pana acum = degeaba ca si ce am facut eu dar aplicat la tine. Satula sa iti vad semnele, pentru ca nu duc nicaieri, tot ce primesc eu = insulte si umilinte, contrare naturii mele si scuzele cu T.. HaHa.. Scuzele cu T… si pe vremea cand eram mai proasta, aveam aceeasi parere. RE RE RE & nothing else! *sigh* Desigur, e dragut sa discutam, ador micile tale semne, dar nu asta caut, daca mi le trimiti gen dovezi, e rau. Daca e comunicare, e bine. Foarte destept dar prost in acelasi timp e IMPOSIBIL (My mind isi da duhul💥 trying to calculate{feel} this about you). Faptul ca eu nu pot sa simt ce inseamna pentru tine, e rau. Nu sunt lasata sa vad – Ok. N-am ce face. Deci degeaba. Nu pot sa ma gandesc la tine, sau sa ma indragostesc de tine {Vreau sa iubesc cu un scop, nu cai verzi pe pereti ca si pana acum!}, si ce optiuni ai tu, -ffs nu pot sa cred ca am ajuns sa discutam asa despre asta- E mult prea aiurea, iti alegi din ce aleg altii pentru tine nu e deloc alegere.].
Ei tot mor
Ei tot mor
Ei tot mor
.
I’m sorry but I can’t kill. (it’s not mine 2 take, even if illusion).
~

Podcasthttps://anchor.fm/ishkira-wind/episodes/Citesc-eqneu3 ~ Citesc din Filozofia Hermetica – Hermes Mercurius Trismegistus.

————————

I got my mind set on you ~ Someone in my dream ~ not the dreams I’m dreaming when I sleep ~~~

But it’s gonna take money ~ Oh what is money, honey? Every month, my baby is killed. Not willing to try this route again!

A whole lotta spending money ~ To spend it on what? ♥ Hold hands and go someplace nice? I would dare to dream but they’re so scared! Scarred ..And all the healers are Asleep.
It’s gonna take plenty of money
To do it right child ~

It’s gonna take time

A whole lot of precious time ~ I’ve given all on this front. All. I’m still stuck here. The ticking goes faster or slower or what’s normal anyway… According to someone else’s Choice… Who? Not my mission to point it. It’s already known! {but you don’t sayanything}
It’s gonna take patience and time, ummm ~ I’ve given all there was To Give on this front! (It was never meant to be a front that way, you know?)
To do it, to do it, to do it, to do it, to do it
To do it right child

DO IT RIGHT! If you need anything from me while they’re staring, it’s not right! ♥

I got my mind set on you
I got my mind set on you
I got my mind set on you
I got my mind set on you
  ~ I crave something so similar too, you lie, lie, lie. You force me to lie.. Through Letters & symbols that You Know will be translated Wrong  where it matters.  

And this time I know it’s for real ~ How many times now? It’s humiliating for someone made out of what I’m made out of!

The feelings that I feel
I know if I put my mind to it
I know that I really can do it
~ Me too.

I got my mind set on you
Set on you
I got my mind set on you
Set on you

💗

But = Zero. But I love this song!

—————————————
R.E.M – Drive
Smack, crack, bushwhacked
Tie another one to your racks, baby
Hey kids, rock and roll
Nobody tells you where to go, baby
What if I ride? What if you walk?
What if you rock around the clock?
Tick-tock, tick-tock
What if you did? What if you walk?
What if you tried to get off, baby?
Hey, kids, where are you?
Nobody tells you what to do, baby
Hey kids, shake a leg
Maybe you’re crazy in the head, baby
Maybe you did, maybe you walked
Maybe you rocked around the clock
Tick-tock, tick-tock
Maybe I ride, maybe you walk
Maybe I drive to get off, baby
Hey kids, shake a leg
Maybe you’re crazy in the head, baby
Ollie, ollie, ollie ollie ollie
Ollie ollie in come free, baby
Hey, kids, where are you?
Nobody tells you what to do, baby
Smack, crack, shack-a-lack
Tie another one to your backs, baby
Hey kids, rock and roll
Nobody tells you where to go, baby
Maybe you did, maybe you walk
Maybe you rock around the clock
Tick-tock, tick-tock
Maybe I ride, maybe you walk
Maybe I drive to get off, baby
Hey kids, where are you?
Nobody tells you what to do, baby
Hey kids, rock and roll
Nobody tells you where to go, baby, baby, baby

A tale that wasn’t right

A Tale That Wasn’t Right

[Verse 1]

Here I stand all alone
Have my mind turned to stone
Have my heart filled up with ice
To avoid its breakin’ twice

[Verse 2]
Thanks to you, my dear old friend
But you can’t help, this is the end
Of a tale that wasn’t right
I won’t have no sleep tonight

[Chorus]
In my heart, in my soul
I really hate to pay this toll
Should be strong, young and bold
But the only thing I feel is pain

[Verse 3]
It’s all right, we’ll stay friends
Trustin’ in my confidence
And let’s say it’s just all right
You won’t sleep alone tonight

[Chorus]
In my heart, in my soul
I really hate to pay this toll
Should be strong, young and bold
But the only thing I feel is pain

[Solo: Mike]

[Chorus]
With my heart, with my soul
Some guys cry, you’ve bought and sold
They’ve been strong, young and bold
And they say, “Play this song again”

[Chorus/Outro]
In my heart, in my soul
I really hate to pay this toll
Should be strong, young and bold
But the only thing I feel is pain

~~~
Been listening to this song quite a lot on the radio lately, I find it very inspiring ♥
~~~
or
1

Shit.

Sofia So Phiii Aaa 

Wasn’t Isn’t and Will never be A Goddess.

Why make it count like so.

Deal ALL Pantheons. I know you don’t need my worship poured online to deem my respects to you. But too much time passed in vain, despite all I did, every aspect of my core being is being mistreated and considering who I am, I have no words anymore

Kindness vs Nothingness 

And the Mirror of Lies.💔

Make it right that takes no time literally no time at all I’ve been hearing your plea for too long and nothing happened. 

/end 

Nu vreau sa postez/scriu/fac in fiecare zi. M-am saturat. Astia se poarta cu mine de parca a trecut ziua si n-am facut indiferent de tot si asta doare si nu e vorba ca nu imi iese cum vreau e ceva aiurea si nimeni nu face nimic scuzele sunt etern aceleasi. 

#podcast: Click Me ~ Listen Me ♥

Nou articol nou

I don’t want to continue like this, si nu pentru ca nu imi ‘iese nimic’.

De cate ori am mai transmis asta sau mesaje asemanatoare online?

Nu, nu vreau sa fac copii cu necunoscuti de pe net, sau cu ??? pe NV.

Latest #GoddessAzra #orgasm video: https://youtu.be/_RwUVaATGns

I’m not sending you anything when I have an orgasm. I’m just doing something against my will, something I don’t like.

[…]

16.02. I almost feel like masturbating but not for work video or show. Wanted to say ‘for myself’ but it wouldn’t really be for myself. I miss feeling self ….Hmm…Identity (? might be a bad word, not sure which one would be correct for how I’m feeling though). Too many things happened, I am tired of living purposeless life (I’m in service to no one; but a slave in the stupid mechanism that doesnt make anyone happy ~, this shit that keeps on happening is not us helping eachother. ‘pe alocuri’ nu se pune, TOT este al nostru.) ~ And I said before, I can’t function optimally if I don’t think about someone, not in a codependent way, or in any way that anyone taught or shown before (due to the lies and shit that flowed and overfilled every hole, fertile soil under lock, experiments for nothing). I was ok all my life, I am ok now. My entire life was shit, Now it’s worse than ever. 🙂 . the He who gets my love is not stupid so why do I have to ‘prove myself’ over and over again? Period came. V messed up about the whole ‘Sarcina’ situation with or w/o masturbation orgasms & the keywords the ..everything. Past month weirder than before. Rumors (that it’s only getting started, it will be way worse,etc) are false due to the illusory nature of reality. Noise is noise. Anti love energy abound. Smart does not embrace lies. I don’t want to be raped (whatever purpose) anymore. 

No amount of your ThankYous can or will ever suffice. 
thank_you

Din jurnal:
18.02.21 Before I fell asleep last night I heard the clock ticking faster. Am crezut ca mi se pare, am tot ascultat si tot asa se auzea. Nu inteleg de ce. Upon waking up, Maya’s aquarium water was fresher than usual, again, time passed faster. What could this mean, for what, why?  Am visat mai multe ciudatenii… Eram intr-o masina, plutind pe apa… Masina mergea prin apa, dar nu era barca. Lol. Didn’t like the dream…
*Crying – drowning in sadness because I’m still here & nothing changed & none of my stuff has been taken into consideration. I don’t want 2 be part of this , 1 more month of trying to make babies with strangers I don’t even know/like. BS. I can’t ask questions on the psychic network or properly communicate because of noise / intrusions that I don’t want 2 learn 2 control (that would be wrong, Don’t care why!). So I learned nothing. Not burning questions but I deserve 2 know what happened not segments or gradual because I’m not at that stage for a v. long time. I wasn’t there when they chose to lie 2 me (blatantly). The Twitch guy story – . I no longer wish to think about that – accept failure – I don’t want 2 have 2 deal with ones who chose to be insincere 2 me. And keep others unknowing so they can take part & use them against me, me against them, etc. All wrong & “when I go there” (meditation/trying 2 reach ppl on the psychic network) I get only debris, lies, and facets of stories full of lies from fake “healers” (stolen symbols) etc. All 4 profitability. I don’t want to live anymore. What is my double? What does that have to do with the consciousness behind David (David2, not Allbeholder/others). Why stimulate certain feelings in me if He knows nothing about the real me (the whole me) or isn’t interested in interaction. Will? Where? I can’t live without dreaming about somebody. I’m tired of projects (accepting none as the one I’d give my hand 2). Wholeness IS. (No project necessary 4{<ppl>} like me, I’m not a project). I’m not allowed. Continually being used, repressed, the pain used against to shape & train into wrongness. I can’t live without loving. Real loving, nothing that’s seen in commercials or that turns anyth in the stomach. 
I said once (to myself btw & I was bullied later online abt this!) “I’d do anything to be with him” (about the Twitch guy) I’d mop the floors to be with you. Cause I thought he was real, psychic, so good 4 me, bla bla bla. Learning more about what he was, ofc I don’t want to have anything 2 do with him/parts or anyone involved into that pile of lies. Not used 2 learn – ppl with numbers / calculations, cause you should’ve known about the harm. More than risk in the stock market. I would’ve never agreed to give that level of information about myself, intimate details from my life, etc to Anyone (especially in context!). I thought he knows/feels stuff about me because he’s interested in me (to know me, to love me). I was very wrong. It was all lies bs political & SCIopatical experiments. What wasn’t, in my life? I can’t stand doing this anymore. How to trust when so many showed they rather chose the lie? I don’t blame them. I just have nobody 2 rly trust / Befriend / talk to, etc
I’m bursting because I can’t pour my love into the world, because I deny the santuri shown to me as pathways, because I see more, in my blindness. 🙁
My I’m not allowed is not an excuse. But I feel somebodies’ I’m not allowed, is. I don’t know who, I don’t wanna TREAD more on this shit. You’ve already read my past articles and seen/listened to videos/ whatever I put on the internet. Hundreds of proof for whatever you were here for.
.

Maybe Tomorrow

I’ve been down, and I’m wondering why

These little black clouds keep walking around
With me
With me

It wastes time, and I’d rather be high
Think I’ll walk me outside and buy a rainbow smile
But be free
They’re all free

So maybe tomorrow
I’ll find my way home
So maybe tomorrow
I’ll find my way home

I look around at a beautiful life
I’ve been the upperside of down, been the inside of out
But we breathe
We breathe

I wanna breeze and an open mind
I wanna swim in the ocean, wanna take my time
For me
All me

So maybe tomorrow
I’ll find my way home
So maybe tomorrow
I’ll find my way home

So maybe tomorrow
I’ll find my way home
So maybe tomorrow
I’ll find my way home

So maybe tomorrow
I’ll find my way home
So maybe tomorrow
I’ll find my way home

Be well.