Nu stiu despre ce sa scriu, nu am primit nici o inghionteala clara despre ce ati vrea sa mai vedeti pe aici, asa ca o sa pun cateva poze si voi face comentariile pe care le simt la unele dintre ele 🙂
On Why I wanted to become a Psychiatrist: Fascinated by the medical field (not at all because my parents worked as nurses, you gotta believe me! – I’m very annoyed at weird associations that I do not agree with, even if I may not see the numbers some of you do. I used to visit my parents a lot at their ‘job’ but I didn’t like it there that much*, I didn’t like that Hospital in particular or the people there. Also, I didn’t fall in love with this because of what I’ve seen in the media – series, ads, whatever. I’m far from having any fetishes, even if I like the sound of a thick nail on a glass syringe – but that has no applicability in my reality – LOL and it’s not an Undisclosed Desire either, just something I like, quick though that relaxes me, and relax might not be the best word in this case. -). So I really wanted to get into med school after highschool, there was no other Uni that attracted me as much. And of course I had to think about the specialization even before the admission process, and I remember being a bit uncertain. I wanted to choose between Psychiatry (I remember the specialization for that was 6th year onwards~) and Surgeon with mech aid. But that’s irrelevant now 🙁
*Architecturally speaking, I liked it. And some moments when I was alone roaming around the place exploring ‘forgotten’ things…
So, psych… Why not go to Psychology LOLOLOLOLOGY school, like some cute boys I met already were doing? Ha! No offense to anyone, but I didn’t like them. I always thought, a gist cannot possibly compare to a trist, for me, and as I have such high standards, I must sense smth right. Psychologists are but a waste of time, I thought. Yada yada, nothing more than a good friend can do. And I really don’t wanna offend anyone. Lifechanging stories of ppl that REALLY GOT help, imho, they could’ve obtained the same by talking to the palm from their right hand, or redistributing their attention a bit in their mundane activities. I know this might sound mean, but really isn’t so. From where I stand, I see HUGE market for making $, unscrupulous cons, fake smiles & not much more. EVEN WORSE I thought in the field of Psychiatry (rivers of pills, brands, contracts and other things to be filled) But I didn’t care about this. I liked the idea. Crazy people fascinated me (the real ones, not weirdos popping up on me on the street – that’s not crazy – ci doar vagoane pierdute, pe vremea aia nu simteam si tindeam sa ii judec, acum cand mai patesc ceva ciudat pe afara e …”pentru combobulare”.. SI MAI RAU! =)) ). But… Where did I meet crazy people? To become fascinated by the look in their eyes, their weird way of speaking, their Untouchableness, the forcing of the hand… The…
I imagined them.
Mai mult decat o alcatuire pe baza a ceea ce observam in mediul inconjurator/media. Trebuie sa existe..
So I wanted to study more. History, the real numbers, cases, chemistry, effects, mechanical stuff, plant derivates ~~~ A whirlpool of keywordsy stuff here. I thought Hey, 6 years of Med school with topics I’m not really interested in, just to ‘get there’ is worth it… But I ended up only studying 1 year in med school. I quit, then got my first ‘real life’ job, etc.. 🌀
Random ideas on the topic: I felt if I study enough, with time and dedication I can research and find ways of treating psychiatric disorders/diseases (I’m not at ease on putting these labels though, you get my point) without the typical (”evolved”) approach of Medicating.
Integrating spirituality too but not like I’ve seen it done, and not a newly patented system either (always suspicious about those. If a friend of mine would have such a thing probably I would giggle with them about this but I wouldn’t hide from being honest).
I thought about Mr. A. Hofmann & the wondrous multiple substances that await to be discovered & utilized for good 🙂 One of my first cam girl nicknames (on Imlive website) was Lysergie, chose it before I got to try LSD for the first time, changed it though. I had quite a fascination for mind-altering STUFF too, and what I got to try was oh-so-much-different from what I imagined when reading online. Not disappointed, learned/liked/disliked/etc Still trying to fit some pieces ‘where they belong‘ in this huge experiment that my Conscious life seemed to be.
Spitalul 9 – avea cea mai frumoasa curte din cate curti de spitale am vizitat eu pana acum – prima data am explorat zona cu Iulia. Am tot sperat sa intalnesc specimene interesante plimbandu-ma pe acolo. Niste borcane mari zarite pe un geam – that was like the best thing I saw. Last kiss: 2019, in incinta corpului unde era internat fostu’ ~ una din primele ipostaze in care incepuse sa arate altfel, si nu, nu a fost de la tratament, vreau sa invat mai multe despre asta si nu am unde. Sunt un robot. Arat ca un om. De ce nu ma vrei? E un ecou pe care il tot aud. PENTRU CA ARATI CA EL (raspund eu). ~~~
Experimenting with various substances, “because I can“. (this was more or less a secret :P)
A lifelong morethanapurpose, love, dedication, suitable for me. In accordance with my hermitty lifestyle & tendencies. Inspiring and never boring (as a career path – but oh I don’t like the word Career), that’s why I wanted to become a psychiatrist.