Started packing ~ gonna move from this place.

Not sure what to think about this yet, I’m not in the mood honestly, but that doesn’t matter.


Haunted by thoughts about some people that I don’t want to think about. Maybe I did (like & thought there’s a purpose in) thinking about them in a specific manner, but I was UNAWARE of so many things back then, especially about, well, other people’s plans. I find it highly intrusive and disturbing to think about some people when OTHERS want me to, regardless of purposes. It also makes me sad. If I wanted “more” wth that GUY, I would’ve said more than just a simple I miss you. He didn’t talk either, bye from me 🙂 I don’t want him! I really do not want him. It was what it was. Grateful for some experiences, but that’s it. When I feel as if some people (?) want me to want him more than I ever actually wanted him…. WTF. Delusional masses. Disgusting. Nobody seems to understand. Nobody that talks to me, anyway. 🙁 Disgusted by the scenarios and ‘studies’ [aka: WASTE OF TIME & also SOUL degrading]. I hope there are no confusions as to who I speak about here. I have something special, and nobody should decide what I do with that, or how/who I … Share that with. I share openly more than I’m comfortable with, and it’s not about Ego Death either. That is more than just thinking I’m somebody I’m not, so The sleepers see nice images in my head running down, flowing as numbers I’ve never seen before, and what joy would’ve that been to my heart 🙂


Keywords is 1 thing, or deep faking certain celebs or whatnot when I masturbate. (I don’t like it, but oh well, it’s different that a simple no emotional implications; You didn’t get My heart Right since you still don’t get it why IT HURTS me so much to think about that Cortana when I masturbate. I don’t like her. Not her personality, not even her looks. For fuck sake I don’t understand how all this came to be ~ *sigh* TRIGGERS/settings. I can’t put in words how wrong this is. You see, but you don’t see all, and that which you don’t see is important and that’s what I want to focus on but I can’t because of the… Visible things, aka.. Why you still want me to masturbate thinking about that girl’s face/whatever. It hurts. I would appreciate to CUT thoughts about that specific Guy & that specific Gal from my head.

No offense, I gave more than was EVER necessary on this Topic.

This hurts more on top of all the problems I have with dealing with ‘reality’, REALITY, meat suits, signals, what I hear, etc. AND OFC HOW COULD I LET OUT: The fact that I still have to masturbate/orgasm for no reason at all, thinking about a myriad of things that I don’t like/wouldn’t do with anyone. Because translations. If a real solution was desired (!) we would’ve seen SOME results by now. All we did was waste time. And squeeze poison {not real resources}.

My inspiration comes from somewhere else and in this sentence somewhere is a very weird word.. So tired of analyzing words and everything like this, takes out from the (possible) quality of living.

English language ~ I used to say to my Ex, or whoever that was… Oh, but… En is the Latin of our times.



\Take care/

Writings on the wall
Parking place view @ Lidl nearby, inspiring.
Something for 2021.
My adorable cat.
I really liked drinking you but I really want to know and it’s not curiosity, what would you be/do if you weren’t masturbating so I can experience you in that way 🙂

“Sing It Back”

When you are ready I will surrender take me and do as you wish
Have what you want your way’s always the best way
I have succumbed to this passive sensation peacefully falling away
I am a zombie your wish will command me, laugh as I fall to my knees

Can I control this empty delusion lost in the fire below?
And you come running your eyes will be open
And when you come back I’ll be as you want me, only so eager to please
My little song will keep you beside me thinking your name as I sing

Sing it back to me
Sing it back to me

Now you can’t help it if you have been tempted by fruit hanging ripe on the tree
And I feel useless don’t care what the truth is you will be here come the day
Truth do you hear me? Don’t try to come near me. So tired, I sleep through the light
If you desire to lay here beside me come to my sweet melody

Sing it back to me

Bring it back, sing it back
Bring it back, sing it back to me
Bring it back, sing it back
Bring it back, sing it back to me

Sing it, sing it
Sing it back to me

Bring it back, sing it back
Bring it back, sing it back to me
Bring it back, sing it back
Bring it back, sing it back to me

“High Hopes”
Beyond the horizon of the place we lived when we were young
In a world of magnets and miracles
Our thoughts strayed constantly and without boundary
The ringing of the division bell had begun
Along the Long Road and on down the Causeway
Do they still meet there by the Cut
There was a ragged band that followed in our footsteps
Running before time took our dreams away
Leaving the myriad small creatures trying to tie us to the ground
To a life consumed by slow decay
The grass was greener
The light was brighter
With friends surrounded
The nights of wonder
Looking beyond the embers of bridges glowing behind us
To a glimpse of how green it was on the other side
Steps taken forwards but sleepwalking back again
Dragged by the force of some inner tide
At a higher altitude with flag unfurled
We reached the dizzy heights of that dreamed of world
Encumbered forever by desire and ambition
There’s a hunger still unsatisfied
Our weary eyes still stray to the horizon
Though down this road we’ve been so many times
The grass was greener
The light was brighter
The taste was sweeter
The nights of wonder
With friends surrounded
The dawn mist glowing
The water flowing
The endless river
Forever and ever

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