It hurts me so bad

I could sit on my ass all day writing about this conspiracy or the other, but there are already plenty of people in many corners of the internet already doing that, no?

I can tell you now what I understood – as a total noob – about concepts such as -eugenics- connected to how they stole Everything from me & keep torturing me. Keep in mind what I told you in other articles like this one: https://mmmylittlecorner.blogspot.com/2020/05/if-its-trade-its-not-love.html
All my best assets… I don’t know/(I don’t even know if I care at this point) how they’ve been able to read me like that ~ clearly a faulty system, hence, I’m still here, ”thriving”. Stolen assets & multitudiniplied for various Trades. All my worst possibilities, amplified & continuously ”fed” to me to Engineer Their Wanted Future. A failed me, a failing me, a decaying me. Just one more another excuse for History. I did not agree to any of this. Also, nobody asked me, to begin with!
🙁
•••
Newest video: https://youtu.be/zAs9CWFpVrs ~ The fact that I still have to do things like this HURTS SO BAD. The fact that I have to CONFORM every day to Antennas that Keep Up A LIE, THE lie, and nothing more, HURTS SO BAD. I DON’T WANT TO DO THIS ANYMORE. 
All mischievous & deceitful.
I didn’t need / want / choose any of this.
They think they can MAP anything ( last E-boy & E-girl stories in my life ~ man, so much pain, so intrusive, so reckless, they did this to me and thought hey, it’s an OK thing to do. ~ What?!) If I am this worthless to you, why did you take everything from me like that? Torturing me more and more, because I don’t want to SWALLOW BULLSHIT regardless of how far you go with it. Perhaps one day I’ll write more about those stories, But it’s a delicate topic for me & I’m in very much PAIN these days – head, back of the neck, everywhere, really. I can’t breathe properly through my nose FOR MONTHS! And I am NOT sick, it’s just their sick experiments/whatever they are. (Failed maths!) I don’t know why for sure, code-names and keywords are not enough anymore ~ . Hearing ‘her’ voice from the other room, every day remembering in a matter of seconds, the lie of it all… The implications… I don’t know how to describe this pain properly, It feels like: Something against ALL , against MY ALL, against ME. I learned about this & I could easily ‘move on’ from the pain of all the lies… I want to evolve but I’m still Trapped here. WHY?
I have no idea who/what I am for real, nor do I trust anyone at the moment, and this hurts A LOT. I GENUINELY WANT TO LEARN THE REAL γνῶθι σεαυτόν ~ That can’t be denied from me!!! Not about this or that story, but about myself. And how can I truly be myself. However, no one is willing to help me with this for real. Why? It can’t be just about the… Money. 
All the steps I took on this path, uncovering lies, attempting deprogramming, healing from that….I’ve only been Dazed with more ILLusion, taken advantage of, stolen from, kept in physical pain – unjustified ~ Not Real Karma ~  by the ones that ‘Know Better’. Pure Evil. 
Mine(*) is one of the worst cases of Trauma Based Mind Control.

*-> My ‘Story’ in THIS life / incarnation / however you call it in your Books. If you understood that, you would see what I mean when I say, the others are Fabricated. :'(
I honestly, don’t know what to do next. Everything I do is in vain, Adapting is NOT a strategy/ option. (Thanks, Krishnamurti)
We’ve made literally no progress at all… While…. Their excuses for Past & ‘Future’ always, undoubtedly received Green Light, if you know what  I mean. This past year has been SO MUCH Pain for me. Mocked at every corner, maimed & tricked with every little step ”forward”. This is not life / choice / progress. ~~~ 
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