Nightmare

Every sound has the potential to be interpreted as noise ( I do not see the sent intendedsignals ~ intention?) ~ Every sound hurts…

And this pain… No damage, but sick fuel, for sick appearances. I open my eyes and I see the results … Not my choice… Ever… The extraction is sucked from me regardless of consent or MY intent(!)

I could give examples but if you follow me you already know, and if you’re here and you don’t know, maybe you don’t remember, or maybe you’ve been sent this way to hurt me, in which case, please, tell me, do you remember who sent you and why? I always hear no from you & others like you, by the way do you know how much it hurts not being able to differentiate all you little ones so I can have what I consider a normal approach? Part of a whole I am as well, but I do not exist to SERVE ANYONE. Kinky fantasies =/= Real Life. Rinse and repeat, the blame game. As I’ve been saying, all I do seems pretty much in vain. All routes ~ dead ends.

Words? I’m lost… All I see is mockery.

~~~

About My Ass:

I think I said this before, but I NEVER wanted to ‘advertise’ with my ass. Also, that ass is not where my ‘memories are stored’, not my face either. I am not judgmental, I just feel things differently than anyone I’ve known in flesh. What about this suit? I’ve witnessed so many gossips and shits on the ‘mental telephone ~ line’ ~ I still don’t know who contaminated this field that in (real) nature, I KNOW, it’s of a purity that not even stones can speak of. [metaphor!], Y/N. I’ve been a cam model since Winter ’08, major ‘shift’ happened @ the beginning of ’19. Anyway, in all that time, in all my media archives on the sites I was broadcasting on, I had 1 pic of my naked ass, 1 pic of naked body from profile/behind. Why?

1. I didn’t want members to ‘know’ me this way ~ See me naked? I have to like you, to want to be with you, to allow you to see me naked(!!!) [Healthy] – I AM NOT A TEENAGER ANYMORE! <When I was way younger, made a set of naked pics and sent em to a guy, <<>> (?) I didn’t want to bed him, I had the occasion multiple times, I did not refrain out of shyness. I believed in Innocence & Playing, as I’ve seen it done by NOBODY else. I was ME, I felt FREE.

2. If someone saw naked pics of me, maybe they’d auto think that I ‘provide’ such things in my ‘sessions’ ~ And that’s so not mentally stimulating for me. Again, I had no idea I’m talking with…Mostly…. Sad numbers. That can NEVER GET A FUCK. I’ve been used to IMAGINE THINGS in their <heads> MY WHOLE LIFE. ### Now if I post stuff like this online, I don’t even know why, to prove I’m real?? (it’s you, not me, honey, if I we’re still stuck @ this step where I have to constantly prove myself. YES I am real. I am the only one who posts stuff online on all my accounts/profiles. How humiliating…)

:-< Screenshot to show that Yes, I am active online, why do I need to do this? To prove… I mean….Isn’t it OBVIOUS? How can some of you ‘not see’. Game of chess with pieces made out of hard shit ~ the type that comes out when you’ve been constipated for a week or more. [/rant]

~ Beings are paid HARD Ca$h to [attempt to] make me HATE myself (especially my ass) over and over again, the more I realize from these topics, the more disgusted I become. Insert_whatever_shit_and_even_conspiracies_here. Yeah.

~ I don’t want or care if you/anyone (ANYONE, do you understand what this means?) likes my ass or not, I was brainwashed that “Backdoor Man” means 1 thing mainly, and regardless of how much I learn about translations & the loss of (continuum) Sense when Evil plays them around (bad wheels) ! ~~~ I still think something Putrid is afloat.

My trauma revolves around shit like this, I never had a real chance to even attempt to heal myself from Other’s (bad) choices.

N-I-G-H-T-M-A-R-E!

Meiou Project Zeorymer

Hades Project Zeorymer

Anime I found https://myanimelist.net/anime/1832/Meiou_Project_Zeorymer ~ because I saw something featured in one of the mobile games I play, Iron Saga (really like it, btw) ~ Even if nowadays most games seem a bit haunted too, the way that I’ve interacted with each and every one I played in the past months is pretty unique, and no, I don’t get upset when they tell me certain things, it’s just a bit awkward. {From the ‘make space’ category of shit decided by stupid fools}. 4 Episodes only, will give it a watch soon. (Fuck, why do I feel so afraid to share thoughts like these: what I plan to do/ what I’m about to do, etc?). A humming sounds said: I am not allowed to be Fascinated by anything. Oh, yeah, master ****, it’s me, not you, who lives in ‘this’ reality, maybe in a different SOMETHING (Place without a place NESW Fuck) You Would Hear Me Differently. The more I learn about myself, the more I see how I am not wrong, have not been wrong, regardless of apparences. And the currents that dictate certain flavors or intercepted data for constructio(n) of ‘other stuff’ ~ Is, by design, (meant to be) Flawed, otherwise, it wouldn’t ‘make sense’, not even to the most dumb followers of the ‘Failed Hailed One’. Still not allowed to Express MySELF, the more I learn, the ‘closer’ I get to some of you, the more OTHERS try to speak Through me, In WRONG ways. So…

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