Eidiiv

👅From my Journal:
2.08. Earlier, a guy said, about what he likes: “to be dominated physically, and my body owns you” ~ and my page (tab) refreshed; upon going back online, the font in chat was changed too. What is a <body> 4 ones that don’t have one like I do?! 
I miss holding hands.
There’s something about you 2 ! 
                                                  *
                                               *   *   *
                                                    *
What could that be?
03.08. I don’t know how
I don’t know why
Yesterday you told me bout the blue blue sky
But all that I can see
Is just…………..A tree?
And A wonder
I wonder…
*sigh* [no_comment]
4.Aug. Black square(s) in game I played, black square in book I’ve read from.
•Yday ~ “Face” -> Someone told me they could see my face as soon as I described something from spatio-temporal (<Real>) Point of view. What could this mean?
I WOKE UP IN ANOTHER BODY.
Today I felt difference from yday (~illusion). <Slightly> better quality body, in  way.
-> How can I ever respect my body 4 real if it keeps changing (according to rules and laws those that rule can bend -> NO,NO(from me))
I keep hearing excuses: – There’s not enough space
                                        – There’s not enough power
-> When did the good intentions stop counting? (when…rule)
-> So what’s to come? What more blasphepornication. I feel I’ve seen enough already. Thinking abt all those things makes me feel sick / unhealthy 4 love • Real 100% Love… 
So what do my <very powerful orgasms> have to do with all this? Still don’t know for sure…
Putting my face out there has never felt this weird, oh, that day… 
👅Now, some pics and more words:
B. Agate on the palm of my left hand this morning.
Details in the Sun
Cat with fishtail nose optix… And sword. [Tarot card of the day ~ Ace of Swords, again]
Carnelian
~♥~
Genes, windows, hanged men… [This book, too, wouldn’t exist without you & me ~ I hear you sometimes, you probably always do, what is time to you anyway? You showed me what Always is ~ and I giggles, then cried, but still, why are we Forced to chase eachother like this? If only we could talk. Switch switch ~ Where are you? Gone again? More dys with no real clue, and then the hurrr hurrr again, to make me ‘old’ again, if only for a second, when they take the ‘data’ out, close their eyes blink blink to what is REALLY there. *sigh*]. 
Time guy with his tongue sticking out ~ clues about my very own programming (not my creation, but how my senses have been used for other’s excuses). ~ For those of you that still don’t know, I am programmed to have orgasms when I masturbate only if I think about certain things I’ve seen in porns (oral sex – cunnilingus because DAMN saying pussy licking feels a bit strange, meow). So, I did not like when a guy did that to me in real life, not because they were not ‘skilled’ per se, but I liked when they ‘gave’ me an orgasm with their hands, way more than by *what I’ve seen in porn videos*. This being strictly about orgasm & How I get there. The layers of #mindcontrol are many, but there has to be a reason why I’m still stuck on this level and I still have to come like this *sigh*. 
I DO NOT LIKE THAT. WHY DO I HAVE TO KEEP THINKING ABOUT IT? I have NO unfulfilled sexual fantasy / desire.In all my past relationships, I just wanted to be close to somebody ~ excuses always pouring in, by Masters that don’t have any book on their bedstand, while I’m restrained here by hardened pages from books that became alive when I’ve first read them (!!!)
Interdit my ass! #Evil ppl doing #evil things
I got sticky fingers when it comes to runes ♥ It’s always INSTANT ~ No patience needed.
Been patient my whole life and for what? To be used some more. I wish I had a choice.
Black nails glass blue eye necklace black string prehnite clay Goddess snake ring moonstone alligator bracelet tit in hand…bed…
Sad eyes?
What is that that electrifies my life? 
Pretty for nothing ~ 
Tired of knowing too much and having literally no one to talk to about it, or about anything,really.. 
}!All! those that approach me (written spoken ~ perceivable through senses) are somehow like antennas used by Evil dudes. Genuine seekers restrained so we cannot really communicate -. • As soon as we ‘make contact’ as in: HEYYY, I get you, yeah!, *poof* someone else takes the spotlight, again and again. VERY confusing for me & makes me very sad.{
Until when?
I’m not takenoverable. At times it might appear as if I ‘repeat’ certain echoes I hear, but that’s not me. And If I can tell, why can’t you, especially those that OH know me so well?
Fluffy paw – Laba pufoasa. [This past year I’ve seen some things that make most of my good past memories seem like dust in the rain. Not even mud.]
I like the trees in this landscape, almost like a painting with little pixels dancing around. 
To the one that said Yep in that trendy voice inside my head: Go fuck yourself! I am tired of ‘fucking myself’ for you/anyone, really, in this whole ALL/ONE mess of a missunderstandment. [WOrds}
To all the lil ones powering up memories that have been used as ‘psychic attack’ on my poor mind when it comes to human feet ~ I’m sorry you don’t really realize what you’ve been doing 2 me, I wish you well & I hope you evolve into something Divine soon. And I rarely use the word Divine.
~ Abt my feet: I like massaging them from time to time, stretching them, talking with them (hey ~ they carry me everywhere, ok?) I don’t like when a guy touches them, let alone kiss them or anything. I like to be kissed in other places. I like giving, not receiving, foot massages ~ Ha! The thought that my ex didn’t feel anything as I was doing that gives me the creeps! I IMAGINED how that must feel to him based on how it feels to me ~ See how strange my Reality is? -Not allowed-
Isis point quartz on kitchen table.
More of that Isis point quartz ~ looks like angel wings to me. I’d write more about angels but I am a bit too sad now because of what I’ve seen lately and how some energies ‘change lanes’ [For lack of better words]
Moon in bloom.
From my coloring book
A little more…
Tiny amethyst.
Thanks for reading ~ 
Be well (ll looks like 11)

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